Dad pressuring for an abortion. Relationship is dying.

Mary - posted on 03/12/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




I have been with dad for 18 months. In November, I found out I was pregnant. I am 34 and been on the pill for ten years. I've missed pills here and there, doubled up doses to make up and believed everything would be ok. In November, he freaked out. He already has two kids and I have a ten year old. He felt tricked as I've told him I'd love to have another child. So I felt guilty, accepted responsibility and agreed to consider abortion. I went myself to the clinic. It showed the embryo wasn't viable and had stopped developing at 6 weeks. I was relieved to not have had to make such a hard choice. I told him I never wanted to be put in that situation. I miscarried naturally and was waiting for my next regular period before going on the pill again. We didn't have intercourse.

In January, I saw him two days after my regular period. We had intercourse and I was surprised how "fast" it was and he wore no protection. I went on the pill two days later (Sunday start). I was so skeptical of timing and I don't know. We both SHOULD have been careful.

Now I'm ten weeks pregnant and not so willing to consider abortion. This time I don't feel guilt for missing pills. We both had a scare and he chose right with me to not be careful.

But now he's very angry. He doesn't want the stress. Fights with me. Tells me he feels sorry for me and the baby because he won't be there. He feels somehow I tricked him again.

I'm so very scared about how hard it will be to be alone. We aren't broken up. We live an hour apart and see each other only once or twice a month (another reason this back to back pregnancy seems so unexpected).

Today all his friends and their girlfriends/wives/kids went trail riding on ATVs. I wasn't invited. When I asked why he said he couldn't deal with the kid in my stomach. So yeah, it's enclosed ATVs and the kids all went. He just yelled at me for asking.

Or if we're out and he tries to order two glasses of wine he'll remember change it to one then be visibly moody.

If I had an abortion then he'd be normal again. But now I'm realizing I hate him for this treatment. Our relationship is doomed. I'm 34 too and am now wondering if this may be my last chance to get pregnant? Not ideal. I could do it financially. Just. Am scared. And wondering if he will come around or this child he will always resent.


Jodi - posted on 03/12/2016




"some will disagree with what I'm telling you and its only because they don't like to admit the child is alive as soon as the sperm and the egg unite, it makes them feel better about themselves when they kill it. "

Kaleigh, that isn't true. Some people disagree with you simply because a baby is not alive as soon as the sperm and egg ignite (ignite - interesting choice of word :/), because it has no brain, no organs, and scientifically, is not yet a fetus. You are more than entitled to your own opinion and belief on that, but please don't assume as to why others believe what they believe, and choose what they choose, especially when you are not basing your emotional viewpoint on scientific and objective fact.

In response to the OP, I can understand that you are scared - it is hard being a single parent. However, at 34, you are mature enough to assess whether this is something you feel ready to do. I can't say (and noone can say) whether he will come around or not, but as it stands, he is using emotional blackmail to get his own way, and that is not okay. You need to make it clear to him that you will do this with or without him (if that's what you decide to do). Let him know that if he wishes to be in the child's life, you will not interfere with that, but you will not be treated in this way on this choice. I definitely would not be staying with him as a couple with the way he is treating you - it is borderline emotionally abusive.

Once the baby is born, make sure you file for custody, visitation (child has a right to a relationship with both parents) and child support.


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Marciabernice797 - posted on 03/16/2016




I am sorry you are going through such a bad time. However, please remember you have been blessed with the opportunity of motherhood. One of the statements which "popped" out at me when I was reading your story is that you think your boyfriend will be "normal" again if you get an abortion. Do you really believe that? Do you think he respects you? Hopefully, you will surround yourself with supportive and loving family and friends during your pregnancy.

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