Daughter wants more time with her dad

Jessica - posted on 06/13/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




My ex and I got divorced when my daughter was 3 and she is now 9. He has her for visitation every other weekend and Thursday nights. Both of us have remarried and have a stable home. She is our only child, although we both have stepchildren. My daughter is my life and I treat her that way. I feel like we have a good relationship and have a great time together. However, all of the routine type things fall to me because of his work schedule. I take her to and from school every day, take care of her homework, I am there for all of her school events and any activities she has. When she goes with her dad, all of the responsibilities have already been taken care of. Through a phone call while at her dads, she expressed to me that she wants to spend more time with him. Of course, I am crushed. Granted, I'm glad her dad is in her life and she has a good relationship with him. But, I'm still hurt...and confused! When she is with me, she I happy and never says anything about her dad beyond a mention here and there. She doesn't want to call and talk to him, doesn't ever say anything about missing him, or ever ask me to see him more. The only time it ever comes up is when she is already with him. I don't know how to handle it when out of the blue, she tells me she wants more time with him. Not to mention, he leaves for work at 6:00am and doesn't get home until after 6:00pm, so where would this extra time come from without totally disrupting my daughters life. (Getting up at 5:30 in the am to come home so I can take her to school) But, more than anything, I'm hurt that my daughter doesn't see how much I do for her and instead wants to be with her dad. :( Any thoughtful advice or words would be appreciated.


Cecilia - posted on 06/13/2013




Okay when you had step children did you love her less? Of course not. Love is funny that way, it doesn't have a set amount to be used up. Her loving her father does not mean she doesn't love you also.

Not sure why you see it as a personal attack towards you. I would think you have shown her dislike of her talking about her father before thus she avoids the conversation with you, thus she doesn't talk about him much. I am getting this even from the comment " I'm hurt that my daughter doesn't see how much I do for her and instead wants to be with her dad." Who says she doesn't understand you do so much for her. Maybe he does a lot for her also.

Have you asked her why she would like more time with him? Have you asked him if he can find a way to spend more time with her? He might have the ability to do it. Do you have any real reason to prevent her from spending more time with him?

Finally how would you feel if the table was reversed, he had her most of the time and she asked him to spend more time with you? You would want him to be reasonable right? You would want him to do what she asked.

Please take a step back from it emotionally and try to do what is best for your daughter despite any feelings you might have.


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Michelle - posted on 06/14/2013




I have done shared care for about 8 years now and I see it as a positive. It gives Dad more of a chance to be in the children's lives and they don't miss on being with him either.
A 9 year old is not going to appreciate all that you do anyway, they have no concept of what it takes to raise a child and they shouldn't either.
I agree with Cecilia, have a chat to your ex and see what can be arranged in regards to him having more time. His employer may be flexible in having him work less hours when he has his daughter.

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