Daughters and Boyfriends

Dawn - posted on 11/28/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi, I've just had an altercation with my 16 year old daughter. She's been seeing a boy for 8 weeks now, we've had the sex conversation a week ago, she wanted him to stay over...I said no!
We've talked about having respect, boundaries, not just for her and herself, but also that she needs to think about me and respect that she cannot just do what she wants (this is often her response).
He came over today after college and they have spent every moment laid on her bed getting intimate. Its embarrassing and I'm not comfortable with it; however because the boyfriend was here I didn't want to say anything and cause further embarrassment for her.
She seems to think she can do what she wants, when she wants and its only since she started dating him. On the face of it he seems okay, but a few days ago she told me it was more him that wanted sex than her and that she felt a bit pressured, she also said she couldn't see herself seeing him for much longer as he annoyed her...and she expects me to not react to this and accept that she has now changed her mind and every things cool!?
The breaking point for me tonight is that she is due to have some treatment in hospital ASAP and she has a day of tomorrow...but rather than have the treatment she wants to spend the day with him. Its bonkers, although she's trying to make out that I'm being unreasonable.
I'm at a complete loss..help, advise appreciated.


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Anna - posted on 11/29/2013




It is interesting how often the term "respect" is used by parents.

Respect always goes both ways. You also have to respect your daughter.

I find it quite telling that you complain about the lack of respect for you first, and the fact that she feels pressured is mentioned as an afterthought.

Your daughter needs your support now and not a lecture on "respecting your parents".

The fact that she talked to you about it a very good sign. Apparently she trusts you enough to talk to you about these things - not all daughters would do that.

Ask her if she still wants to have sex with this boy, or might actually welcome you forbidding her to have sex in the house. Talk to her about her right as a woman to say "No!".

Also, if you feel embarrassed by them getting intimate, just close the door.

Marie Emilie Dion - posted on 11/28/2013




To be honest I'm a young mom with young children so I would know much about raising a teenager. But! I remember being one as it was not to long ago. Also I became pregnant at 15. First time and pressured. As an adult now, I would have to say that I should have never had the freedom that I had with out first showing that I could be trusted by my mother.! And if your daughter seems to think that it's "ok" to be intimate with her new boyfriend in YOUR home than I would say she has not shown any respect towards you. And to skip a medical treatment just to be with him shows me that she does not know her priorities which lets face it none of us did at that age. If I were you, I would make it clear that you need to be respected and if she wants to be independent then she can find a job and move her butt out because we both know a baby is a hell of a more than just taking care of yourself and again at 16 we're just learning how to become responsible and transitioning into young adults. One other thing her saying this to you the other day would be to me a HUGE warning sign. At his age (guessing his 18 or so) all boys want is fun, sex. (for the most part) and her telling you (that she felt pressured a bit) this shows me that she did confine in you but afterwards seemed to be changing her mind, as Im highy suspecting him saying sweet things to her and convincing her otherwise. Anyhow, basically I would put my foot down if I were you as I highly feel she will regret this very soon and later on she will end up blaming you for her mistakes, for not being there and puting your foot down. I speak from experience and everyone is different but I do see warning sign that I would adress right away in whichever way you feel it to be adressable

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