Deadbeat baby daddy? Or not? Need advice!

Nancy - posted on 04/11/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




My boyfriend and I have been together since 2008...6 years total. In 2013 I got pregnant with my first baby boy. We are young he is 23 and I am 19. I know it is wrong we should be living alone. We live with my dad under his roof. My dad started asking him for rent but since 2011 since he moved in, he has only paid him a couple of times, that I can honestly say was about 3-4 times total. The rent isnt even much, just $300. Anyways, he's had problems keeping a job. He worked at a photography studio for about 6 months until he quit because they were going to fire him anyways where they paid him $8.25. Then immediately afterwards he gained a job at Netflix where they paid him $13.50 the hour. He has an associates degree in graphic design, and he also has a TON of debt that he has to pay back from his schooling, so that money was helping him pay his bills and also give us somewhat of a good life. He doesn't like the fact that my dad asks him for rent because in the past my dad told him that as long as he covers my expenses, that it was fine for him to live with us. But somewhere in the middle my dad changed his mind. Anyways, my boyfriend is the type of person who loves spending hours uselessly wasting them away on the computer PLAYING VIDEOGAMES. He would go online when I was pregnant at night and he wouldn't come to bed until at 5 in the morning. I thought this would chance after I had the baby..but surprise surprise! It didnt! now he doesnt sleep until 9 in the morning! And he doesnt wake up until 2 in the afternoon and consequently this has been affecting my sleep schedule and my 3 month olds. He recently got laid off on his job at netflix a month ago, and has been job searching ever since. The thing is he wants a job in his career field, graphic design. I have been trying to convince him to just take up any job in the meantime but he doesnt listen. I mean he has a kid now and me to take care of! His father deposits money into his account every now and then, and hes been using that to pay food and his school debt. I dont work I stay home taking care of my baby as I am breastfeeding him strictly and I do not want him with a babtsitter but occasionally I do sell things online to make a little bit of money. Sometimes when his budget gets tight where it wont be enough to pay his debt for the month, he refuses to spend any money on me or the baby.

Hes really sweet to me and would get me anything i wanted when he was working and i was pregnant. But Im so confused now, What should I do he's driving me nuts!! I want to leave him!!!!!! I dont even want to sleep with him anymore I back away when he tries getting us to do 'things.' When he says hes on the computer at night applying, sometimes I walk in and hes looking at youtube videos and then playing stupid games.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 04/11/2014




First off, if you are living at your dads, do you have a contract with your dad for rent? You should, and that's where your dad needs to step up.

So: your boyfriend needs to get a job. So do you. You don't have the luxury of being a SAHM because you and your boyfriend need to pay your expenses. You can work and breastfeed. Check for low income daycares in your area if you don't have a trusted family member to watch LO.

You both also need to work on getting a place of your own.

Yeah, you can cop out and leave, but how is that taking responsibility? You chose the guy, you've said yourself that he does take care of you when he's financially able. If you decide you want to break it off with him, remember, he still has rights to the baby, and you can't deny him visitation when you get pissed because he's not paying support.

The adult thing to do here is all of you sit down and get an agreed upon plan of action. First order of business: GET JOBS. Set a date for that to be done. ANY JOB at first, I don't care if it's a minimum wage burger flipping job. Start bringing in a paycheck. Second. Once you have jobs, that doesn't mean that your boyfriend stops looking for a job in his field. He continues to do so whilst working. Third. Set a date to be out of your dad's house. Since neither of you are paying him rent...that's the responsible thing to do.

You are both adults, and you both have the capability to be parents, work, and move forward in life. You just both need to quit expecting your parents to carry you.

You'll do just fine. Many, many people do it every day and survive.

Good luck!


View replies by

Jodi - posted on 04/11/2014




I completely second that! I had my 1st son at 19 and had the fantasy of being a stay at home mom. It isn't reality for many many mothers especially at 19. You need to be doing what you can for that child financially as well! Don't ever depend on him. He is also very young. You need to come together as parents and plan this out!

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