deadbeats

Natalie - posted on 12/27/2013

Have you ever considered that maybe the father doesn't want to see your son simply because he doesn't want to deal with you? I agree with many other people... you have told us so much more about yourself than the father. You are a mother now; you have been for nearly four years. It's time to grow up a little. I am not saying that your actions should punish the child, but maybe you could do things differently and you son would have a father. I have seen it too many times. The mother is constantly nagging at the father, and he eventually gives up because NOTHING he does is good enough. And before you try to say "Of course you would say that. You're probably a dead beat dad too," I am a step mother who has raised my youngest step daughter since she was 2 months old. I have a great relationship with her biological mother, and my daughter has a great life because we have learned to make compromises.

CK - posted on 12/27/2013

I dont blame him from staying as far away from you as possible - including deserting his own child... dealing with you must be a living hell.

Chrisha Rae - posted on 12/27/2013

Your just looking for people to take your side, this site if for people who want to ask questions, you know how want advice If you don't want advice then don't post because that's what you will get!

Chrisha Rae - posted on 12/27/2013

also you write terrible I hope your son is learning there English from someone how knows how to talk.

LalaBoom - posted on 12/27/2013

Wow, you even named him in public.

I suppose since he is a "deadbeat" dad, then you are the "vindictive, spiteful ex" that can assert a FOUR YEAR OLD will "know" or "understand" what his father's alleged absense translates to.

I would have been supportive, but your whole reaction to helpful individuals, along with your allegations, tell me more about you than about him.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

And BTW, you posted in a public forum, people are entitled to express their opinions on what you post. As long as you have posted publicly, you can't then tell people "fuck your opinion" simply because you don't like it.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

If his father was only in his life for the first few months, he doesn't know him at all. His opinion is not founded on any "knowing" of his dad, but knowing him through you and your opinion. No child, no matter how bright, can possibly know a parent who was in their life in the first few months only. Keep in mind, too, according to the courts, 4 is too young to decide for himself and a child who expresses these sorts of negative opinions about his father will believe that you have been filling his head with them.

Evelyn is right, if his father decides to come back into his life, he can and will get visitation if he takes it to court.

Ev - posted on 12/26/2013

You do realize that if his father comes back into the picture he can and could take this to court and get his rights to see his son no matter what you want or think or the child thinks. Regardless of your son's abilities to understand things at the age of 4, a judge is not going to ask him what he feels about this situation because children of this age really do not understand a lot of what is really going on. If I were you I would get custody set and visitation. Then this way its on dad's head if he does not follow through. It will be up to dad to make the relationship with his son if he wants it to be there. But you should not encourage through constant asking him how he feels about dad, if he misses dad, and so on. I think one time is enough to establish what you want to know. My own son at age five did not know all the words to express his anger at his dad once and said he wished his dad had gone to jail. He was clearly mad at my ex husband for something but he could not get it out. I know for a fact most four year olds still do not have the ability to express their emotions in words because they are still learning language skills. I am glad your boy knows his alphabet, counts up to 100, and all that stuff like that. Mine did too. But that did not mean they understood it when their dad left and we divorced. My oldest was 12 at the time and even she did not get it all. Just saying.

Terse - posted on 12/26/2013

I was snapping at the other party, my bad. but it's no need for that cause he don't try to see him, he don't even call him or anything. to the other person, Fuck your opinion! Im not writing for it. he knows who his dad is, he was there the first few months of his life. if you must know. if and when I ask my son do he want to see his daddy he say no, if I ask do he miss him he says no! "I don't love my daddy". maybe you're kid/kids don't know who to express thereself but my son knows how he feels. he knows all of his alphabets and how to count to100 does/did your kid at at his age! And he has known those things since he was two! I don't tell him how to feel, he tells me. his daddy ain't about nothing!

Ev - posted on 12/26/2013

Have you set up custody and visitation? It seems to me you need to do that as well. And you did put and I quote: " but hey, what are we gonna do." This was at the end of your posting.

I understand you are upset this man did not do right by his child but this happens all the time to a lot of kids.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

So how does he know his daddy if his daddy hasn't been there? Sorry, but a 4 year old is too young to make that decision and should not be encouraged to think poorly of his father, even if his father IS a deadbeat. He will figure that out in time without your help, but at 4, to make a decision like that, then there has been some encouragement about what a terrible daddy he is from somewhere.

Terse - posted on 12/26/2013

of course childsupport has been filed and has been for almost 3 years, I know what to do. I wasn't asking for advise I was simply stating my situation. And my son know what he wants and who he wants to see and his dad just isn't something he's into. hell I don't blame him! He knows his daddy he just doesn't care for him. he has never been there.

Jodi - posted on 12/26/2013

How would your son know whether he wants his father in his life anymore if he doesn't ever see him? He hasn't even been given the opportunity.

With regard to financial support, file for child support. A father has an obligation to financially support his child, whether he is in his life or not.