Dealing with my baby daddy while pregnant

Stacy-Lee - posted on 12/28/2014 ( 3 moms have responded )




I've been in an on-and-off relationship with the father of my unborn child for months since I found out he cheated on me.
I forgave him for that but perhaps I let him off too easily because everything's been a struggle with him since. I live with my mom now and I'm not sure if I should involve him in the baby's life or not.
I'm afraid that he'll be in and out of my son's life as he has been in mine.
What should I do?


Ev - posted on 12/28/2014




Charlotte could not have said it any better. Its just not the women that do not think about the future when they decide to sleep with someone it is also the men. It goes both ways actually. So now that she has told you the first part of it let me elaborate on the next level of things....Custody, visitation and child support.

1) The man here has as much right to be with his child as you do. He has a right to spend time, build a bond and relationship, and to parent this child. It is not up to you to decide if he can or can not be part of this kid's life because he can go to court and file for part of the custody or just visitation. You have the right to file for that too and also child support. As the lady before me said, its not about you or how you feel about this man anymore. He was good enough to sleep with so he is still good enough to be a father to this child. Your feelings about how he is do not justify making the choice of him not being allowed in the child's life.

2)If he does not do anything, you should set up custody, visitation and child support. Custody will make sure that the parents are on the same page on who has primary care and who does not or if it is joint care. Visitation sets up the times each parent has with the child for the entire year including all major holidays, weekends, and so on. If it is joint care, then you could see something like one week on and one week off after the child is older. It also holds the parents to the orders of the court and if you try to deny visits for instance it is in violation of the orders and he could take you to court to try to gain custody for himself as it is called parental alienation and you could do the same if he tries it with you. Child support is money the court has ordered for the care of the child including food, housing, utilities, clothing, shoes, and any other needs that the child might have. Whomever has to pay it has to keep up with this for the next 18 years or so depending on the state laws.

This is a rough idea of what to expect in your child's life. Just make sure that you are thinking of him or her when making choices or they will backfire on you.

Mommabird - posted on 12/28/2014




After seeing so many posts of women in your situation it makes me wonder if women think about their future anymore when they are deciding to sleep with someone. People think that sex is just to have fun and get a feeling of being loved. Reality is ANYTIME a woman sleeps with someone without protection they are choosing that person as a potential parent for their child. If the man isnt someone you want to share a child with and have ties to for at least 18 years...dont take a chance on getting pregnant. Now you're stuck having him as the father whether you like it or not. Start thinking about the child now because its not about you and him anymore, its about an innocent child who's father was chosen for her. Not trying to sound mean but its time for both of you to grow up, you're parents now, responsible for a childs life.


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Stacy-Lee - posted on 12/29/2014




I will take what both of you ladies have said into consideration.
Thank you.

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