Dealing with teens with attitude, divorced parents

Myliza - posted on 07/15/2013 ( 3 moms have responded )




My son is 13, I have divorced about 8 months ago. Not a loving marriage. Dating a guy that loves my kids does everything for them yet they are very disrespectful to him and others. What do I do ? This guy is trying to help me deal with the attitude and has told my kids that he will never take their father's place. I just wants us to be happy and enjoy OUR time together when they are with us.


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Myliza - posted on 07/16/2013




i guess i should have posted more of the story. i had been separated for 5 years and it was verbal abuse. we have all been seeing therapist for the past year or so. I felt divorcing him was the best thing for myself and my kids. both my kids deserve better. they need to know that man and woman can love and to just have to scream and yell or accuse each other. my kids have seen there father punch walls through things and talk down to me. there is more to my story than i have told. there father never was a father but now feels he is being one when he takes them every other weekend. my ex has had 7 different "friends" that i have found or known about. The lady he is with had received jewelry and flowers before we were divorced and it was always double standard with him. everything was okay for him to do but my job was to work full time go to school full time and raise the kids, keep up the house and yard. He was not much of a father or husband. counseling has helped me see that this life i lived was considered battered wife. I would have never looked at it that way, i looked it as control. but what would i know i was living life without bruises. Not looking at the internal damage that i had. He took all his 401k, his pension and pissed it all away. not on his kids or family but on gambling and trips for him and "her".
after the divorce he moved into apt. had a car and job. it wasn't long after that he got evicted, moved in with his parents that he does not get along with. and got his car reposed. I am lucky if i get 10.00 child support and he is always telling my kids to spent child support on things they do not need...that money is for cloths, food and things to live. not toys.
the other problem i have is that both my kids have learned wrong. my son does not need to have a girl, sister, mother, or grandmother do things for him...he is 13 do them for yourself...where did he learn this....yes, his daughter on the other hand does whatever is asked of her...i tell her to stand up to him. i do not want her to be in abusive relation ship and think its okay.
I am just looking for ways to help life be better. I do not need a man...i am independent. have done it alone for 5 plus yrs but just divorce 8 months. my kids see how happy i am and it is weird for them but they have told me that it is nice. they like the man i see but do not want to step on there dads toes.

Jodi - posted on 07/15/2013




I'd say it is too soon for your boys to be accepting another man into your life. Just remember that they probably still hold out hope that you and dad will get back together (no matter how often you have told them that isn't going to happen); this is quite a common feeling amongst children of divorced parents. 8 months isn't really all that long. Are they seeing much of their own dad?

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 07/15/2013




Well, although YOU may have felt ready for a relationship after just 8 months, your son (& other kids) probably wasn't ready. He's feeling the betrayal of the family relationship (divorce) He's feeling that maybe he somehow could have helped keep the family together. He's feeling that his entire world has just disintegrated, and mom brings in a new guy. Mom didn't wait very long to bring this guy in, so now, in addition to having to adjust to his new life without a full time dad in the house, he now also has to adjust to this new person who keeps saying things like "I don't want to replace your dad"...and thinking "Ok, well, it's my dad's job to sleep with my mom...etc"

In other words, sounds like you have a perfectly normal 13 YO male on your hands in the midst of a divorce.

Have you (any of you) attended counseling? Individual for the kids, family for you and kids to help adjust to this new life?

Personally, I don't recommend a new love interest less than a year out of a divorce. It's not good for you, nor the kids to jump right into another relationship, and not fair to the other party either. But, you're a big girl, and have made that decision, so now you need to make sure that you are tending to your kids' needs. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. And, sorry to say, that may mean that the new man needs to back off a bit.

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