Dealing with the when it's convenient for him father....HELP!

Charlene - posted on 02/24/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I guess I'm on here just trying to get something from anyone! My son's father and I split up this past October (2014) and ever since then he has seen our son ONCE. He travels for work and is gone weeks and even months at a time so I understand not seeing him much because of that. But since we have split he hasn't even offered to help pay for his Daycare $125 a week. He doesn't even call at night to talk about his day or anything. I don't understand how you can say I love my son so much all I ever want is to see him and talk to him yet you can't even call me or even text me to ask how hes doing! I let him see our son once and I met him at a park and the reason for that was because S had anger issues and has threatened me more then once and I wasn't ok with being alone with him! All I want to do is ignore his call when he calls. I don't get it! How can you think its ok to not call and check on him, yet I'm supposed to drop everything I'm doing to make plans with you so you can see him every 2 months! I refuse to put my son through that. But how do I "keep" my son from him that's his father. I'm so lost with all of this. My son knows who daddy is, but I think my son just knows him as always gone and every once in a while he sees or hears from him!, bc when we were together that's how it was because his father traveled for work and was gone SO MUCH! Once he got the traveling job things turned for the worse! I was finding things in the laundry and in his bag (unpacking to do laundry, not snooping) When I would ask him about the things I found "I was holding it for my buddy" is what he would tell me. So i am so scared to even let our son be alone with him. I like to think he wouldn't do anything to him, but how do I know because just like I didn't think he would be so mean to me he proved me wrong. I feel that his friends, drinking, and drugs are more important then his son. I filled for child support but didn't tell him and when he finds out I filled he is going to flip his lid! I just wish he would leave us be and not worry about contacting us because I've had the mother/father thing down since my son was born! He has a 10 year old daughter and he NEVER fought to see her or anything the whole time we were together, but then he is doing this with me. Just don't get it....


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Sarah - posted on 02/24/2015




Hi Charlene,
I am sorry you are going through this, as child of a divorced parents it was not easy. I am now 26 and it was still never easy when I became older. My mom remarried when I was 3.5 years old and my step father became more of a father figure than my biological dad did. I personally took a lof of crap from my dad...I think part of me wanted to please him. But growing up I was never thin hair was never long teeth were never white enough...and when my dad had me on the weekends he tossed me to whoever he could for a babysitter so his at the moment girlfriend could go partying at clubs. So even when I was with him...I was never actually with him. I have come to the conclusion that I was never good enough for my dad.....someone elses child always did something better...looked better...I was always compared to someone elses child...and I was never what my dad wanted me to be. Something or someone else was always better.

Unfortunately, my dad and I no longer talk. The last time I spoke to him was almost a year ago...he has never met his granddaughter...nor did he ever enquire about her. I am now a happier person because I no longer have to try to be someone I am not...or try to be good enough for him.

Charlene, it is not going to be easy. The only thing I can say is to stary strong for you there for him no matter what. You ex may be in his life for a long time or not at all. Just be there to protect your child and sure that your child knows that he can count on you. Your ex does have the responsibility as far of child support goes....but keep this in the back of your may help financially for you two, but it will keep him in your lives at least until he is 18. Just stay strong and do what is best for your child. And if he is doing drugs you definitely do no want that type of influence on your child.

I wish I had more to say that could help...just hang in there and do what is best for you and your child. Reguardless, if anyone likes it or not.

I wish you and your son the best of luck, and I hope it helped.

Raye - posted on 02/24/2015




Good for you for petitioning for child support. You should go to court and get legal custody of your child and set up visitation for the father. Then you both will know exactly when he is supposed to see the child. If he doesn't show up, that's his problem, but you should make sure you abide by the terms and have your child available if he does show up.

Don't worry about it being hard on your child, because if you don't make a big deal over it, chances are your son won't realize it's such a big deal either. My parents split when I was 6, my dad was a jerk and tried to pit me against my mom, but my mom handled it with grace. She made it so my life was not lacking with him being gone.

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