Decided not to let him my partner's angry with me!

Dezra - posted on 12/13/2010 ( 6 moms have responded )




Hi everyone

I put up a post a while back looking for advice because my partner's parents wanted to have our son, D'Andre, 4, visit for christmas. They live in Africa.
I was actually inching toward a 'yes', but now I'm just so mad! They haven't even organised the date he's travelling, they say he's travelling with his aunty, who doesn't even know when she's going. They are not taking into account he needs to have certain vaccines and, most importantly, they need to be organised. Now they are telling me, his aunty will be travelling the 25th or 27th, but she's staying for a month so D'Andre will be coming back with his uncle. Its ridiculous! This is my child, the most important person in my world, and they want me to just agree with whatever they tell me.

I've decided he's not going anywhere, I am not comfortable with it. In fact, Im terrified!I don't understand them. Now my partner is mad with me, which in turn makes me mad. He doesn't seem to be thinking of our son, but just to please his family, which to me is so wrong!
I don't understand. He expects me to just send our son to Africa without knowing who he's travelling back with, if he's happy with his uncle, who is not a child person.

Why is he being so difficult?This is our child, it's like he cares more about pleasing his parents then his child.
He's not even speaking to me


Louise - posted on 12/13/2010




I think you have made a wise decision and in time your husband will come to see that it was pure madness to let such a young child go to strangers. I know they are his family but your child does not know them he could be emotionally damaged for life. Sit your partner down and explain why you have made this decision and then leave the subject alone. I am so glad he has you as a mum who is mature enough to think ahead and see what problems sending a toddler to another country to be with relatives he has never seen. Good on ya. Let your partner sulk you have done the right thing.

Bonnie - posted on 12/13/2010




I kind of think it is childish of him to not be speaking to you because of this. Obviously your mind was thinking it is was probably okay to let him go, but deep down in your heart you knew it didn't seem right. That's okay. You are his mother. It may take some time, but your partner will get over it whether he ends up agreeing with you or not. You did what was right for your child.

Lisa - posted on 12/13/2010




Let him not speak to you. He'll get over it. Just calmly tell him that you realize he is upset but right now your son is young and there are too many unknowns about this trip and that when your son is older and better able to communicate for himself, a trip can be planned when there is more time to organize and prepare your son for a trip of this magnitude. And then just tell him that you are not prepared for this trip and being a mother you need more organization and time to prepare for a large trip like this both emotionally as well as just getting your son ready for a trip to Africa.


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Laura - posted on 12/13/2010




Sounds like you made a good decision that will benefit your child. That is the most important consideration at this time! If "grandparents" wish to see your son, THEY should travel to you--it would be so much easier than dealing with travel arrangements for a toddler! Besides, your son is really too young to even remember this trip as it is. You and your partner should start saving and planning for a trip the whole family could take when your son is older and can actually remember it. In the meantime, just keep repeating to your partner that this is what is in the best interest of the child and that he will need to work through his hurt feelings and take that into consideration. The child comes first!

Alecia - posted on 12/13/2010




i am rather glad u decided to not send him :p (i read ur other post) ur husband will get over it.

Firebird - posted on 12/13/2010




Let him be mad. Like you said, you were leaning toward 'yes' but understandably decided your son couldn't go because of how disorganized this trip was going to be. You did right by your son and your partner will get over it.

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