Denying visitation advice

[deleted account] ( 6 moms have responded )

I have a one year old son and my ex partner is threatening to take me to court for joint custody , I have a new partner I have been with for almost 2 years and I am expecting again and it's only since he found out I'm expecting he wants joint custody... I really don't feel my ex partner should have any visitation rights at all my reason's are as follows:-
He has not seen my son for 6 month's plus
He takes drug's
He would arrange to visit and then not show up and my son has only ever seen him roughly 5-6 times since his birth
I have a genuine fear that if allowed to take my son he would not return him
We have had no support of him financial or otherwise
My son has health issues and I know that my ex partner wouldn't stick to his strict medication regime.
He spends a lot of time with known drug addicts.
He lives with his Sister who threatened "to kick the baby out of my stomach" as she wasn't happy her brother got me pregnant.

When he has visited it seemed to be more about me and him than my son.
He has a criminal record for violence one assault of which is for assault of a minor.
The list goes on... in the beginning I told him he could see my son as often as he wished thinking he'd want to spend as much time as possible building a relationship with my son that was far from the case... I gave him chance after chance saying that I wanted stability for my son ect ect and he decided to no longer bother as of August last year then when he found out I was pregnant the end of January he decided that he would inform me that he's taking me to court ... The idea of him having my son at all or having any contact with him really scares me ... he's not on the birth certificate (he didn't show up while I was registering his birth) ... I'm not sure what I can do... I'm so scared he'll do something to my son or neglect him in some way.

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[deleted account]

Jodi you as you don't know the circumstances under which I fell pregnant you can't make such a statement as " Let me get this right. You have a ONE year old child but a partner you have been with for TWO years??? You really want all the cake, don't you?"

And as for a lawyer I have spoken to my legal advisor as of this morning and she is complete agreement with me with the evidence of violence againced me while I was pregnant and before hand along with other evidence we have that he is unfit and would be a danger cheers for a lot of negativity though was really nice

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 02/02/2015




If you haven't already filed for support, do so. Establish paternity.

You don't have the right to decide whether or not to allow access. Yes, he's got every right to take you to court as well, and from the sounds of it he probably should, to protect his access to his child.

You may perceive him to be 'bad', or 'horrible', or 'criminal'...but you have to let the courts decide the severity, and whether your allegations bear heeding.

Get your things together, get your support filed for, and if he's granted visitations, comply.

Michelle - posted on 02/02/2015




I was thinking the same thing Jodi, the timing doesn't add up.
Beside all of that, you don't have any rights to deny visitation. You need to get yourself a lawyer and go to court to establish custody and visitation.
Unless you already have court papers saying something different, you both automatically have joint custody. It took both of you to create your son and you both have the same rights.
If you are concerned for your son's safety while with Dad then you need to show the court your PROOF that he is a danger. Not just your word against his.

Raye - posted on 02/02/2015




He can take you to court, and they will establish paternity with a DNA test. You should explain to the court all your concerns and ask that any visitation awarded him should start out supervised. Also ask for child support payments. Try to make a list of times where you made plans for him to see the baby, but he refused or didn't show up. This will show you were not trying to alienate your son from his father. Do you have copies of his conviction for assault? if so, take it with you to court. If not, make sure to tell them the facts. Make sure all your testimony is fact and not your opinion or just you don't like him. You can say you fear for your child's safety both from him and his sister. Repeat the threat made by his sister. Let the judge know your son's heath requirements. Be truthful. Stick to facts. Fact is, that man is your baby's father whether you like it or not, and he may be granted some kind of visitation. Do not go against the court's wishes. It's probable that he will lose interest over time anyway and go back to being the dead-beat he was before. Be strong.

Jodi - posted on 02/02/2015




Let me get this right. You have a ONE year old child but a partner you have been with for TWO years??? You really want all the cake, don't you?

It isn't your call as to whether your ex partner has visitation rights. If he is the biological father, he has rights. Period.

If you have a genuine fear that if you allow him to take your son he won't return him, then get custody orders in place. Simple.

The rest of that stuff is not enough to deny visitation (which isn't your right anyway, only the courts have that right), but may be enough, IF you have evidence, to push for supervised visitation.

Also, I suggest you dispense with the "my son" - he is "our son". You start with the "my son" in court and it really won't go down well.

Basically, go and talk to a lawyer and get custody and visitation orders in place. Yes, this will likely give the child's father visitation so that the child gets the right to know both parents (which at the moment he isn't getting) but it WILL also protect you and your child so that he must be returned to you at the end of visitation.

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