Desperate mom

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2011 ( 10 moms have responded )




I am a mother of 4 1/2 yr old g/b twins. I have been a stay at home mom since they were born. For a while now, I have been feeling down and not able to enjoy my kids. My husband is working 2 jobs so we don't have to put the kids in daycare (because of the cost), so I am basically home by myself with them all the time, and have been since they were born. Needless to say, I am exhausted. It's gotten to the point where I feel like I can't enjoy them anymore. I hate saying that, and I feel so much guilt because we had wanted children for a while and were blessed with twins, but it's just getting too hard. I have lost my identity. I am a mom who is needed constantly, a woman who cleans and takes care of the homefront, and I basically schedule any life I do have (which is not much) around my schedule, and even then I can't get my mind off of being a mom. Money is very tight, so I feel limited on things to do with them. I'm sad. I wanted so much to have a family to enjoy family things together, and it feels like I am just going through the motions of making it through the day. Has anyone else felt that way? Any suggestions on how I can get through this rough period and find the happiness I wished for when I found out I was pregnant?


Jodi - posted on 04/29/2011




Can I make a suggestion? Why NOT go out to work (even just part time) even if you have to pay for daycare? Let's say you work and only just bring home enough to cover the cost of daycare, if it is a job you are enjoying, and it is helping you find yourself again.....does it matter that your job is not helping out a great deal financially? After all, that's not the reason you would be doing it. You would still benefit emotionally. And at 4 1/2, it certainly won't do the kids any harm (if anything, they'd probably also benefit from it).

Anyway, just a thought.

Jocelyn - posted on 04/30/2011




I have felt EXACTLY like you.
Put those girls into preschool! I am (mostly) a SAHM and those 3 days a week when I get to drop off my oldest at preschool are wonderful! I still have an 18 month old at home, but it is a well deserved break (my oldest is special needs)
I work as a bartender 3 nights a week (hubby is off work at 4 and I head to work at 5:30) It's a great job and with the money that I am bringing in we have almost completely gotten out of debt. Now we can afford things that we WANT lol. We're not going on cruises or anything, but being able to go out for dinner without having to worry that we won't be able to make rent is wonderful.
I hated being a complete SAHM and being able to work in a social environment is one of the best things I can do for myself; I craved adult interaction more than anything else when I was at home all the time. Having a second income takes the pressure off of my hubby as well.
Also, see if you can find any local activities that have special rate days; I take my kids to the cheap swim once a week and it costs us $3 (plus 25 cents for a locker lol)

Jenni - posted on 04/30/2011




There are plenty of things you can do that doesn't cost a thing. Inviting gf's over. Picking up jogging. Getting back into old hobbies or interests. Your kids are starting to become more independent now, so I take it you have more free time than you're use to? Start exploring new interests.

Also with your girls... take them places that don't cost a penny. Nature walks where you can teach them about the world around them. Do crafts with them. Start teaching them skills or interests you share; ie: cooking, sewing, crafting, painting, skipping rope, gardening... idk whatever you are interested in.

Have a new project or continue an old project daily. Get creative.

Today, my kids and I are going to look for pinecones and then make bird feeders out of them to hang in our spurce tree. :)

Also, are your children in J/K? Or are they going to kindergarten in the fall? Now wouldn't be a bad time to take up a part time job. It will give you a little extra money and get you out of the house and feeling productive. Even if it's only 2 days a week 4 hours a day.


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Blackwood - posted on 04/30/2011




Start a mom's group in your town/city, Put up signs at drop in Centre's/ sporting events/ community centres and speak with other mom's at schools. Just a group of mom's that get together at each others house once a week in the evening or during the afternoon and talk. I'm part of a mom's group and it gets crazy when we are all together with our children, but it's a chance to speak to other adults even if the children are there. Don't feel bad about wanted some "me" time or feeling like you've lost part of yourself, lets face it you're at home with children all day and nite and I'm thinking becuz hubby works so much it's not very often you get actualy adult talk. Put some flyers up around your house, maybe suggest a time and a part and see who shows up, give it a couple of times and see what happens. Sometimes we have to make things happend ourselves inorder to start something up. Best of luck

Katherine - posted on 04/30/2011




I agree with everyone else. Take a break! Get out and do something. Everyone needs it.

Louise - posted on 04/30/2011




You need to get out the house and off to the mums and tots groups that cater for children new born to school age. I felt the same as you and was really bored in the day stuck at home. I now go to three different play groups that offer a different environment for my daughter and me chance to mingle with mums my age. I have now a good group of friends that I meet regularly when the kids are in bed for social events. I feel like I have a life again and I am not the cook and cleaner and nanny. My daughter has also blossomed as she has lots of friends and does things at play group we did not do at home. look on your local web for mums and tots groups these are really cheap normally about a £1 for the morning and this is just to cover the tea and biscuits. look for a group today it really will make a change to your life.

Claire - posted on 04/30/2011




My mother gave me two books that completely changed my outlook on motherhood and marriage. I felt just like you until I could see everything in a new light and realize what blessings I had.

"The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "In Praise of Stay-at-Home Moms" both by Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Kelly - posted on 04/29/2011




Hello Kelly,
I am also a Mom of B/G twins. I stayed home for 8 months with them and I had ALL the EXACT same feelings you're going through.... plus my Husband was not working... it was the hardest phase of my entire life. I found joy in the little things.... the kids smiles and the small accomplishments around the house. However the biggest help that I had was joinging up with the Mothers of Multiples club. Check to see if there is one in your area!!!! What I got out of it was support from other Mothers who are experiencing the same challenges. We would have support groups by the twins ages - so you could talk about the phases and get support. It was also a good time to have an adult conversation...! :) and find a new identity - and a time out of the house. I can't thank that group enough. Good luck and I hope you can find a MOM's group in your area. Our kids are 6 now and they are the joy of our lives - yes it does get much easier. Keep steadfast my firend, it is sooo worth it. - best, Kelly

Victoria - posted on 04/29/2011




Keep telling yourself that it is only temporary! You can be all that you can be to your kids now, and as the years go on they will need you less and less and you will then be able to go and do the things that you really want to do. The feelings that you are having are totally normal, you just need to have a night out for you and your husband, or a day out by yourself.

Tinker1987 - posted on 04/29/2011




i agree,you need too have some time alone and be you. is there a relative nearby that can babysit for free while you and hubby go do something alone as a couple, even just a walk somewhere nice...

Valerie - posted on 04/29/2011




i know money is tight but you need a break and more support....if there is a ymca near you i would go there and see if there are any subsidized programs you could get on...that way the kids could play and be supervised and you could work out or meet other moms...a family resource center is another idea...perhaps post where you live and ask for ideas from moms who live in your are depressed...make sure you are getting out in the sun and fresh air, eating well, sleeping, asking friends, relatives,,, for support if there are any are not alone...there are things to do with little or no money...ask on here for things to do...this too shall pass...and if all else fails, school starts soon.......

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