Did my controlling behavior alter my children forever?

Angela - posted on 09/13/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I recently came to the realization that my controlling habits have caused negative attributes in my kids. My children are 3, 5 and 7 and I finally noticed that the way I control the family is making my children behave horribly around us and others. I am working on changing my behavior, but in the meantime I am scared that I may not be able to reel back in their learned behavior. Any suggestions on how to proceed and re-shape their behavior?


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Pamela - posted on 09/14/2012




Draw their attention to the behaviors you are trying to change when they occur. Sit down and talk about what is happening and what you want to help them work on.

Be thankful you have seen your own error and are correcting it in yourself and them while they are still young. Just imagine trying to do so in their teen years after the habits have been set and the hormone are raging!

The highest and best to you and the children!

[deleted account]

A therapist might be able to help you see the difference and cope with the changes that will happen. They can be expensive, but it might be worth it.

With your oldest, you might be able to sit down and talk with him about it all. You are the parent, but you are still human, mistakes will always be made. Let him be a bit more involved in the rule making process. You may be surprised by what he thinks is fair treatment. Giving control over to the kids for things that in the end don't really matter (like what they wear that day). If that is too much for you, start with this or that. Give them a few options that you are comfortable with (this is ideal for toddlers and preschooler anyway). Let them know you are trying to be better.

A lot of times kids will behave more if they feel respected and are allowed freedom within reason.

Good luck, it can be very hard to change your own behavior.

Angela - posted on 09/13/2012




They are constantly hyper, and as soon as I turn my back they act up. I already have a power struggle with my 5 yr old and I can only imagine it is because I always try to control her behavior and how others may see her. My oldest is always pre-ampting everything he says with and explanation ... I'm don't want to go from being Ms Control Freak to Ms I don't care what my kids do. I'm a bit torn now on where the discipline starts and where the controlling behavior starts.

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