Did you get "Lazy"?

Jade - posted on 06/23/2010 ( 196 moms have responded )

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Before i had my daughter i always kept the house in order.
Washing up to date
Ironing all done
dinner always ready for hubby when he gets home
The house was NEVER messy...
NOW im always falling behind,
washing is not at all up to date and hubby's had to go to work in normal clothes because his high vis shirts have not been cleaned...
dinner is ready for him when he gets home from work maybe once or twice a week...
I feel like im getting lazy...not for my daughter she is always clean and has always got clean clothes...
The house is still clean but its just the smaller things that i have slowed down on and hubby has been complaining about it...lol

Does anyone have any advice that can make me more motivated to want to do these small things?
Did this happen to any of you after haveing a baby?

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Jennifer - posted on 06/23/2010

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It's so good to hear that I'm not the only person this happens to. I have a 6 week old and a 2 yr old, and the house has been clean maybe twice during that time, laundry is always "in process," meals are simple or hubby cooks, and paperwork is piled higher and higher everyday. And I worry about it being laziness too, but mostly it's adjusting to a very demanding infant (all infants are demanding at the beginning) and a high energy toddler. If there is any down time at all, I usually use it to take a nap or relax even though there are a million things to do. But if you think about it, most people who work outside the home, get an hour lunch break and work no more than 8-10 hours a day and then they are free to do as they want (I know it's not always THAT simple, but there is something to be said about being "done" at the end of the day). As mothers, our day starts early and ends late (much more than 8-10 hours), we're lucky if we get a hot uninterrupted meal (if we even get to eat), and there is never an end to the amount of work that needs to be done. It all feels futile. So you are not alone and you certainly are NOT lazy; you are a mom of a baby and that by itself, is a full time job. And what really gets me, is that your husband is complaining? What is he doing to lighten your load? Maybe if he helped a bit more, then you would feel a bit more motivated. That sometimes helps me (notice I said "sometimes"). This week has been difficult for us because my husband has not been feeling well and therefore, has not helped as much, but normally, he is very helpful. And I notice my motivation level goes way down and the tasks seem overwhelming. So my advice - GET HELP! Make a list of all the tasks that need to be done. It's amazing how good crossing things off feel. Lists can also be helpful, to see something on paper, and then crossing it off makes one feel like they've accomplished something. I admit I've even gone as far as doing something not on the list, but then putting it on the list so I can cross it off. I know, weird. But it helps make me feel like I've done something. At this point, don't worry about the small stuff. If your husband is complaining about it, have him do those things. The most important thing right now is to bond with your baby; housework can wait!

Claire - posted on 06/23/2010

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It's not laziness, it's prioritizing. Your child comes first.

Sharon - posted on 06/24/2010

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It isn't laziness. It isn't a phase.

Its a change in priorities.

After my first son was born was the first time I got up, DIDNOT get a shower and DIDNOT put on makeup.

Because I was carrying a baby, I quit wearing high heels. Brittany Spears showed us all how dangerous that was didn't she?

Because I was carrying a baby that frequently spit up on me, leaked shit on me and leaked piss on me I quit wearing silk shirts and tailored dry clean only pants and dresses.

Because gummy hands frequently caressed my face, clutched my hair and jerked on any jewelry I might have on, I quit fussing with makeup and accessories.

I'm not lazy.

I'm overworked, underpaid and frequently undervalued. Bill Gates is one of the few people who could pay a MOM a fair wage for the work she does and abuse she takes. And yet we do it anyway.

If someone were to try call me lazy to my face, they would be carried away on a stretcher.

Tracy - posted on 06/24/2010

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I didn't so much get lazy as ran out of time and energy! I work full time and have two kids. My husband (now ex) expected the house spotless at all times, me to cook most of the meals, and do clean up, and for me to do all the kid stuff. Then once they were in bed, of course I was expected to entertain him...... By the time the kids were asleep, I was exhausted! I was lucky to have the energy to shower daily, much less anything else.

Your husband needs to either pitch in and take care of those "little things" or learn to live with them being not done. Babies take a lot of work and breastfeeding is taxing on your body too. It'll get better when you stop breastfeeding and get a routine down for getting it all done. Especially when you get the chance to leave HIM to do it all for a day or so! Good luck!

Jodi - posted on 06/23/2010

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Hubby is complaining about the little things? Really? Honestly, they aren't that important. Next time he complains, suggest he could pull some weight too. It wouldn't kill him to help wash his own clothes, you know,.

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Julie - posted on 07/04/2010

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you are normal.

i have a bit of a joke that i do; i look in the linen closet or towel drawer at other mom's houses ... if they are neat and tidy then they have a maid or a husband that helps A LOT .. if the rest of their house is tidy/dusted then they prepared for my visit and i thank them.

your freezer should be full of frozen 'quick' meals.

the only time you should look 'great' is when your mom comes to visit and completely spoils you by taking over.

your husband should be enjoying leftovers.

your child is loved and you are enjoying her.
and your husband should be enjoying her too.
these moments are precious -
DON'T WASTE THIS TIME ON HOUSEWORK

Lauren - posted on 07/04/2010

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i'm usually the same way but have slowly fallen into the lazy stage of my pregnancy (3rd trimester). i think what helps me most is making a short list of 2 or 3 house projects to work on a day. that way i still feel accomplished without feeling exhausted or lazy.

Melody - posted on 07/04/2010

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I find it funny how men have the nerve to complain rather than ask how they can help! I may be wrong but I an pretty sure that every cleaning device in your home will also fit his hands, maybe you need to request more help from him now that you have a child to care for. I too had to have everything in the house perfect before my daughter and I am still struggling with the fact now that she is five that my home will NEVER look the same! Don't stress over the small stuff just enjoy your child and if he wants the perfect house tell he will have to help!

Lisa - posted on 07/04/2010

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i feel that way alot. My husband is deployed ot TDY most weeks out of every month so I can't build a r outine because it gets destroyed the moment he arrives home- my job actually gets harder. once my second was not BF as often I left them alone for an hour and he was so stressed when i got home. it was an eye opener. Mine thinks my job is easy too. since our first was born i made my husband do his own laundry. I had so much to do just with me and the baby I couldn't keep up. he doesn't mind because its always done his way so theres no complaining. I know he wonders how our friends can have sparkling houses and kids, I try to explain its because the husband helps out. I also tell people to please excuse our mess, we do afterall live here=)

KATIE - posted on 07/04/2010

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Your children will always remember fun times with Mum, not a clean house(within reason)

Bobbie - posted on 07/04/2010

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it sounds like you are str\uggling with a mild form of anti natal depression,, you should have no prob running a house with only one child, depression can set in up to 9mts after birth, you should be firing on all cilinders and loving life, so get a check with a good doc

Jennifer - posted on 07/04/2010

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This is completely normal. I am older now - my kids are grown up, but I remember when the 2nd was born - I told my husband, who needed ironed shirts for work, that he must either help with the kids or the ironing! If you CAN, make his work clothes top priority, but everything else - meals, etc - have to be negotiable.

Naomi - posted on 07/04/2010

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Well, here's my two cents worth (for what its worth!). Firstly, being a fulltime parent is not just a fulltime job - its a 24/7 job! The housework is, in reality an added bonus if it gets done.

Have you had a chat with your partner about this, because expectations seriously need to change when we bring little people into the world. As a first time Mum, its a major upheaval - complete with sleep deprivation and changing routines (and we all know that to keep things in order, routine is key) and partners can't expect things to be exactly the same as they were before. I remember my Mum saying my father used to come home and ask her what she did all day - the nerve!

Anyway, with a supportive partner you do get through it. And it can be done - I manage these days with 3 under 3 and a fourth on the way. The house is about as clean as it was before, mainly due to the fact that I am home much more than pre-babies, but meals are hit and miss. Babies and toddlers must know when it is dinnertime because that is the time they decide to play up. We call it our witching time of day.

Must admit though that with my first baby I was completely shell shocked at the beginning. Keep at it and you will get there, but don't for one minute feel bad that you don't get through what you used to - you are raising a baby for pete's sake and that is your number one priority.

Jennifer - posted on 07/04/2010

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Yes that happened to me. Don't feel bad - a new baby will do it to you every time! lol. I'm pregnant with my 2nd and I'm already anticipating it. Before we have this baby I'm going to make sure everything is clean & caught up because I know I won't have time or won't feel like it once the baby arrives. haha.

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I have too! I wouldn't call it lazy, I'd call it exhaustion! LOL I have set "chores" that I do on certain days. That way it's more manageable and I know what I need to get done each day. Laundry I always keep up on, I don't own enough clothes to get behind! LOL I change/wash linnens on Mondays, I mop on Wednesday, I vaccum and clean the kitchen daily. The rest of it I do on an as needed basis. Lucky for me my hubby works till midnight, so I don't have to worry about dinner ;)

Sylvia - posted on 07/03/2010

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No, it is not laziness. Maybe you need too see a doctor. I felt like that and my doctor told me I was anemic. I started taking an iron pill and within a few days I felt more energized. Maybe take a multi-vitamin...that might help too.

Erin - posted on 07/03/2010

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Go to FLYLady.net!!! When I would watch "Clean House" on TV, my daughter used to ask if they would come to our house and help us. REALLY!! I was so discouraged and didn't know where to start... FLYlady really helped. It means Finally Love Yourself... My house is mostly straight now and it takes 15 mins or less to strsighten my living room now! I hope this helps!!

Millissa - posted on 07/03/2010

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I thought that after my first child I just did not know how to juggle things yet. After my second was born seven years ago I finally realized that spending time with my children and husband is more important than the 'Little things" around the house. I have a quote on my refrig. that keeps me under control when I start feeling I am lazy or a bad mom because my house it not as clean as I think it should be: " The messier your house, the better mommy you are. It means you made time to paly with your children". The quate is from another mother from a parenting magazine many years ago. Our priorities change that is all. Do not feel guilty because it never helps. I have found I do more of the little things now that my children are 11 and 7 years old - however not as often prior to having them. Housekeeping will always be there. Watching are children grow into adults - it only happens once!! ENJOY it!!

Amanda - posted on 07/03/2010

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You are not alone. I use to be the same way and now u know its like u do not relize u are out of clothes u do not have anything to wear to work the next day. It hard u worry about working and makinh sure the baby is doing ok. So u are not alone in this

Amber - posted on 07/03/2010

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what is wrong with all your awful patners! Get a nice husband and there wouldn't be an issue

Natalie - posted on 07/03/2010

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Im in exactly the same position and i have 4 kids, 2 are school aged and the other 2 are 8 mths and 2 and a half years. My partner has his own business so isnt always home at a reasonable hr.

He also complains about what i ' havent ' done but never notices the things i HAVE done.

I dont let it bother me anymore, i figure as long as my kids are fed, cleaned, dressed and at school on time then im doing a GREAT job. The housework will always be there but your kids grow up way too fast so enjoy them and make sure they arte put 1st.

Michelle - posted on 07/03/2010

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The idea of going to someone elses home to see how much stuff they have around the place is actually a great idea. A couple of my friends, when I go to visit, have amazingly tidy living rooms, even though they have children. It made me wonder why I couldn't keep mine like that when they have more children then me and, in my mind would logically have had more mess. Then I took my cup out to the kitchen where I saw dirty dishes all over the place and, when I went upstairs to use the bathroom, it was like a clothes bomb had gone off all over the place. I'm not judging my friends for their homes being like that as, like I said, there are more people living there, but it did certainly make me think my home isn't really so bad after all.

Trish - posted on 07/03/2010

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It really has less to do with laziness and more to do with a switch in your priorities. Babies and children are a fulltime job in itself. Then the more you have the harder it is to even keep your head on straight. At first I was unable to keep up only because I was recovering from my csection and I had a preemie that required more care from me. She was literally attached to me. A lot of times you may just need to hand over the baby to Daddy and tell him to entertain while you get supper fixed, clothes ironed etc. Otherwise tell him if he doesn't help out it won't get done or hire out to do those things that you feel you just can't get to. You are not Superwoman and don't let anyone fool you into thinking there is such a thing. It does not exist. Something always has to give somewhere. You have to decide what is important and allow the other things to lay until you can get to them or ask your Husband to help out. It won't kill him-haha. Some may think it will. Even though I know my Husband won't do things exactly how I would want or how I would do them I allow him because it eases that stress for me.

Another thing to do is go into other people's homes and you will be mazed at how much stuff they don't do either. It will probably make your house look great!! :)

Just don't beat yourself up about it. Like they always say the chores will always be there, but your child will only be this age once. You only get one shot at that.

Amber - posted on 07/03/2010

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A good start might be to get out of the 50s. My husband cooks dinner because the time 5pm and 7pm is a bit mad with an 8 month old. If he doesn't cook, I do but then he looks after our daughter for that whole time. I work 2 days a week as well and on those days he does most stuff. I used to be very tidy but now treasure any moment to myself, so basically I just say too bad! I'll catch up when the kids go to school.. he he

Marsha - posted on 07/03/2010

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I am sure you have gotten lots of posts, but don't worry about those things right now. Soon enough your children will be older and you will be able to get your house the way you want it.
Talk to your husband. My husband does his OWN laundry. I mean, I do mine, and my two girls, plus towels and teatowels, etc. I think it is fair that he look after himself. Even ironing! Let him do it. There is no way we can do EVERYTHING! We are in a partnership with marriage - that includes house work. The fact he is complaining, well, geeze man - you are looking after A LOT...I know he works, but he can lend a hand. I am a full time employee and a full time mom, we need help too. Do you think he could do it all on his own?? DOUBT IT. :)

Tracey - posted on 07/03/2010

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I know how you feel. You are not alone. When your house was in order you only had one person to take care and now you have two people. That little person you have requires a lot of time. To help myself get organized I make a list on Sundays of what I am going to do each day that week. I always do at least one load of wash a day. That helps it not to build up. Also, for dinners I have been using my crockpot a lot. I put dinner on in the morning and it is done at night. In addition, always make time for yourself on your list. When you have me time, your responsibilities don't seem to be so much.

ADRIANA - posted on 07/03/2010

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I was like that but then my workload increased and now find it very difficult to be on top of it and then as soon as I am there is more.!!

Denita - posted on 07/03/2010

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I thought i was lazy too....but i guess its not!!!! i work parttime and my boy goes to nursery, so when i finish work and go get him the last thing i want to do is cleaning ..... i just want to enjoy somefun time with my little boy. And by the time hes ready for bed,so am i so nothing gets done.it used to annoy me alot, but now i think as long as hes happy then i'm happy!!!!

Frances M - posted on 07/03/2010

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Bet you're the one who gets up at 2 AM to take care of the baby. Bet you give Baby the care and attention needed. You are not lazy - you are exhausted.

Most Moms think they don't have time to take a nap during the day; but if you take a nap with your Baby in the afternoon, you will have more energy to prepare the evening meal.

If Daddy watches the Baby on his time off from work, you will have time to do the laundry.

You and Daddy need to remember that a Baby is a full time job and help is needed.

Jessica - posted on 07/03/2010

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It's not a phase... we are not lazy. Now that we are mothers we are extremely busy and we can't do it all whether we want to or not!! My house gets messy now when before it was neat and clean. You can't always keep up with everything... don't worry about the house. The most important thing is spending time with your kids.

Michelle - posted on 07/03/2010

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My house has never been the same neat, tidy home that it used to be since I had my daughters (and they are aged 7 and 5) but then again, there's an awful lot more stuff in the house since I had them too. I felt it important to spend as much time as possible doing things with my girls - drawing, painting, reading, going to the park, etc. My routine now - we get up, they have their breakfast, get ready for school, I take them to school then come home and have my breakfast (and I normally spend about half an hour on the computer during my breakfast), then I get stuff done around the house until it's time to pick them up (except for a Thursday when I work at their school). We come home, I cook dinner, clean the dishes and then spend the rest of the time with them until they go to bed. After that I take time out to relax, have a bath, maybe go on the computer for a while, or watch a bit of tv, etc and get to bed for a decent nights sleep. My girls get computer time after dinner (half an hour each maximum) if we are not doing anything specific. They rarely have the television on. Looking at what I've typed, it seems that I don't do much but loads can be done while my girls are at school, although not so much lately as I'm 6 months pregnant and get tired very quickly. The most important thing though is the fact that we have a good amount of family time together and we have a very good relationship. At the weekend my girls will help me do housework too - may as well make the most of it while they enjoy it - ha ha ha! (Oh today's computer session for me is longer as my girls are staying with their dad for the weekend so my routine changes as I don't have to get up so early in the mornings).

OK so I've gone on a bit there - don't know why i've put all that but it's done now!

Enjoy your children - everything else can wait a little while!

Sue - posted on 07/03/2010

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Just prioritise and get your hubby to pitch in as well. Ok he's been at work all day, but so have you looking after your daughter. Does everything have to be perfect, do you actually need to iron your clothes (I never do!) After a certain age, you can also start training your daughter to tidy up her toys, which will help in the longrun. I'm starting now with my son, even though he's only 14 months old. You could also make meals in advance when you have more time and fridge/freezer them for later. Make lots of oven meals, so all you have to do is stick them in. Best of luck!

Lauren - posted on 07/03/2010

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i'm the same, my daughter is 9 weeks old and i just cant seem to be bothered to do anything! i never kept the house spotless before but it was always fairly tidy. i've had back problems as well since pregnancy which hasn't helped with housework but the day just seems to go so fast and housework gets left! i make sure i do the bottles and washing my daughters clothes but ours seems to take a back seat at the mo. i've just written myself a schedule (which sounds really sad!) but it helps me time in the day to do a bit of cleaning so i can keep on top of it every day so we'll see how that goes! good luck!

Deanna - posted on 07/03/2010

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There is no reason why hubby cannot help out with the work around the house. After you have a child you are mom, wife, nanny, cook, and housekeeper. There is no way you can keep up with it all. Take time to be with your daughter and enjoy her as this time goes by too fast. It is okay to let some things slide. If hubby wants his shirts ironed he can do it himself.

Julie - posted on 07/03/2010

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well if she has clean clothes why hasnt your husband. it is a waste of time washing everyones clothes seperately just put yours and his and hers in at the sam time, colour seperates of course. as for the house it depends how old she is. soing one room per day got me through it with my 2. tidy everyday then pick one room to clean and its not too bad. its a tidy as you go and like every thing else kids learn by example so when they are old enough get them to help and tidy up after themselves too.

Ann - posted on 07/03/2010

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Let the house go. I focused on raising my children and working (I worked part time until they were school aged). I figured that they were only going to be little once and that their growing up would happen only once. I was right! They are now both in college, getting lives of their own, and now I have time to clean the house (even though it's one of the least interesting things in life). Or, to paraphrase a sweet poem, dust keeps, babies don't.

Julie - posted on 07/03/2010

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I have 4 children and I felt the same way. I once made the comment to a friend that I was too lazy to clean the house and her reply was "you're not lazy, you're just tired". I love her for this comment, as it is true. Just remind yourself that you are more tired after having children (whether one or more) and the mess will always be there tomorrow for you to tackle then. Also, one final piece of advice - children are only small for a very short time, so enjoy them while you can (my oldest is now 19 an I have plenty of time to clean now).

Patricia - posted on 07/03/2010

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my home is "clean enough to be healthy and dirty enough to be happy." my daughter, especially, is my "chief mess maker" my husband used to come home and wonder what all the clutter was and i said it's called "children playing." smaller chunks of time devoted to cleaning and organizing help. sat.'s i used to have my husband take the kids to mcdonald's playplace or the playground so i could have uninterrupted time to clean. dinner on the table should be a priority don't let your husband get resentful that you've decided to have children together. his work clothes and dinner on time will help. i'm proud of you for devoting your time to your child they grow up way too fast and the cleaning will always be there.

Rae - posted on 07/03/2010

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You are NOT lazy! I went through and am still going through the same thing.....my child is now 18 and at home. No one on this earth understands us more than another housewife/mother. Our job is the only--ONLY job that is 24/7. Notice I did not put 24/7/365....the days all run together every day is just another one....making just another week and what housewife/mom cares what year it is after that!

I had a home based day care when my daughter was 3. I found myself in prison for 3 years after watching a little boy that was being abused by his parents(who was a local police officer). As horriable as my life was there.....I now (13 yrs. later) realize that was my only vacation as a housewife. I did get to have weekend visits but my full connection to my child was stripped. She and my husbund both now think I am the only one who should do laundry, cook, clean, do all the shopping, take care of our 20 some animals, and do the yard work 75% of the time. My mother and mother and law both came to this house and spent and entire week cleaning it up for be before I came home. My own family couldn't do that for me.....so why should I do it now......

It has taken me a long time to learn to live with is way but harder than that is to learn not to guilt myself. I now groom pets for a living at my home. We enclosed or garage and that is "my space" They stay out of it and I keep it the way I see fit. Guess what....it is clean and I am for once in my life....very proud and it is a place I can be and feel good!

Many times I have wanted to pack up and leave....I get less respect than I give( this is why I have 10 dogs---they always respect me!!!) . But I can't get a job, can't rent an appartment, etc. No one knows the truth about what happen with the child I kept except me...NOT even our court system. that child, myself and my 3 yr. old daughter were the only people home when the child suffered a blood clot that broke on his brain. I kept him alive until he was lifeflighted but I am the one that suffers the most. The child lives just down the road 3 miles happily with his family and the $375,0000 our court system allowed for them to sue for. I am now marked child abuser for the rest of my life. And it not only is my label but my daughter deals with it as well. It wasn't going to do us any good to move so we still live in the same community. I respect myself enough not to live on welfare or go back to prision like most do because you are not welcome in society once you have been.

I hope after my long story you can gain a place within your home to call yours...to find a spot to keep as yours. Let all your guilt (which you don't desire to feel) live outside of you and your place. No matter what those around us do....put us through....YOU are worth more than anyone will ever know...every housewife and mother needs to feel just 1 second of how much they do is worthy, everyday. I lost that daily second for 3 yrs and let it eat me up. I'll never get that back and the hole will always be in my soul.... I had to deside for myself that I am not lazy, that I desire to not guilt myself for not being able to be GOD of the House. If no one else can see this at least I can.....

Verna - posted on 07/03/2010

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Babies take a lot of energy. You are not lazy, just let your husband know how exhausted you are. Let him see a schedule of your day. for one day...write out what you have accomplished. I have a wonderful husband and if something bothers him...he will pitch in and fix it...(do it) Husbands are "trainable" but you also must be sure that you are meeting his needs. children and exhaustion come hand and hand. they do take a lot of energy from you. Good luck and don't be hard on yourself.

Trish The Dish - posted on 07/03/2010

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Ok... First I'd like to say... DON'T STRESS, it can only be negative. You are doing a GREAT job already!!! Enjoy your baby, they are only that age ONCE!!! (goes for the rest of their lives too). It's difficult when they are very young to keep up on things... if you can do at least one thing a day when they are first born, you have already accomplished A LOT!!! I know... I have 2 that I have been raising on my own since 1998!!! It get's easier to do more when they are sleeping of course, and as they get older. DON'T lose faith in yourself... you can do it!!! And when you're "worn thin"... hopefully you can take a break... it's always nice to have a nap, go on a date with your honey, or just soak in the tub... any "away for a minute" times are VERY VALUABLE and needed DAILY!!! But don't forget about hubby, if you make sure to make time for him too... he'll be ok, and will probably adjust easier too.

And otherwise, here's some friendly (& hopefully helpful/ inspiring) thoughts for you...

It sounds like you were pretty much on "business autopilot" with how you kept up with everything before your baby. Really, it's a good way of seeing things...

Thinking of the similarities, BOTH personal & business needs:

First what I call my 4 Rs:

Responsibility: it's always going to be needed. And it helps for "keeping on top" of things so that you can be preventative to certain things too... like lice for example... you never know when someone around you may have it and not know/ tell you.

Respect: For gettting things done when & possibly how then need to be. When you maintain the needed things in life, it's not only showing others respect, but yourself as well. Kinda like "manners" (for example). But don't think you need to do EVERYTHING!!!

Reliability: to not only "be there" for others when things are needed from you, but for yourself as well, Sometimes you need to just stop and breath. RELAXATION TIME is needed too!!! Take a break when you are too tired.

Reasonability: Many things are reasonable for what needs to be done... you need to decide what it is and what isn't. Priority setting.

Then there is:

Schedules: to make sure everything gets done.

Insight: to see what needs to be done, and when.

Initiative: to do things that may not be asked, but that are definately needed.



Hope this helps...

Trish the Dish

Jana - posted on 07/03/2010

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I think that you are being too hard on yourself. I agree with the members that have said that it's NOT called laziness, its called prioritizing! Having an almost 13 year old and an almost 2 year old, I speak from experience when I say that at some point it does get better! You learn new ways of running your day; I found that it helped to prioritize the things that needed to get done and then do what was before me! What got done at the end of the day I felt a sense of accomplishment & what doesn't get done, I figure that there is always tomorrow! Remember that it's the relationships with your family that are important, not what's on your to-do-list! So if you end up spending too much time on the floor playing w/ your baby girl and don't get the laundry done, at the end of the day you did what is most important! Have a talk with your husband and explain to him that things are different now that you have this new little life in your house and ask him what is priority to him, if its having dinner ready when he gets home than I have found that menu planning is extremely helpful to me, preparing "freezer meals" also helps. I've gotten together with girlfriends before and have prepared two weeks worth of freezer meals, it was awesome!
More than anything remember that this time with your baby is precious and it goes in a blink of the eye, this too shall pass and you will figure out time saving ways to accomplish what needs to be done to run a peaceful/loving home!
(oh, and check out flylady.com, she is AWESOME at helping you keep up your house one step/room at a time!) Good luck and God Bless!!!

Nicollette - posted on 07/03/2010

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Are your hubbies arms broken??? What does he do around the house??? Women tend to baby men but, they are capable and should step up to the plate!! You have a full-time plus job with your child now and for a long time. Your husband should be able to realize your stress and the changes that have occurred and his ego should allow him to stand beside you and help you on - not harrass you about what you aren't getting done!!

Amy - posted on 07/03/2010

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You are doing the most important thing. They are only babies for such a short time. Enjoy them.
You are not lazy - you are a NEW MOM! LOL. And as silly as this may sound since your husband leaves the house for his job - ahem - he can help with laundry.
As far as dinner - when my boys were babies - that is when I learned the wonder that is the crockpot. I put food in in the morning during morning nap - or early before they were up - and it was ready at dinner time.
And - that is also when my husband became king of the grill - and we learned to menu plan together (usually while cuddlin with the baby - (who is turning 21 tomorrow so you do survive this lol).

Just remember - dirty laundry and dust are always there - but the kiddos are ever changing - enjoy this time with them.

Hang in there!
Happy 4th!

Natasha - posted on 07/03/2010

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i had my first baby girl just after i turned 18 yrs, and i found alot of my attention than went onto her and the needed things that werent getting done, were just not a worry to me but was to the father... but my honest oppinion, it is up to the two of you to work together to organize a way that it will be done but may be that little bit later, but that wont take too long to adjust to.. and make your rutene. i am now with my fiance'(my partner of five and a half years now and just had our second bub, (third to me.) and we were slowly getting into a ruitene before my second and had all these thoughts and ideas of how things were gonna go, but not one thing ends up as planned, and than i fell pregnant to my third, not long after,and than all ideas of housework flew even further. so my partner thought to help out, he might take some time off work to help round the house and with the kids (but trust me on this, not a good idea because we found that we were tearing each other apart), you just get in each others face and start feeling neglected cos you are together everyday yet no time spent alone together. when the time is always found when they are gone allday and you get your own ruitene happning, a mothers strength comes from being comfortable and confident and wen you feel neglcted you dont have any confidence in yourself cos your to worried about the other party getting the attention that you both need from each other... my idea that we found best is to come to a comprimise together, by organising iner either the night before or he cooks wen he gets home, you just have it organised so he doesnt have to think about it, just do it...it may take a few weeks to adjust but in the long run you will find it is easier on the both of you, and you can keep your mind at ease about getting bub done right and at the right time.. and you will find that your bub will grow closer to the both of you, because nothing is any particular person, and the more fare you make your relationship, the more fare the bub sees and the love comes with no confusion or fights.. also you both have to remember: even though your job doesnt bring in the bread,what you do allday is what keeps the bread fresh. and if the bread is coming in and kept fresh than everyone stays healthy, and you willalso find that you have more time to yourselves or eachother.... dont let the daily chores be the thing that breaks you, cos your bub needs the both of you evenly.. in a family as a parent nothing is unfare and noone does more than the other, so long as work together... take care and let me know what you think, sorry it solong but that the best way of me explaining my thoughts on your problem...

Greta - posted on 07/03/2010

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You now have three times the work you did before you had a kid, so don't beat yourself up about it. If possible, out source some work (ie yardguy, maid, drycleaning), and then think which items HAVE to be done each day. Being a good mom will always be more important than clean floors and picking up toys! Let your husband have kid duty by himself for a whole day, and give him a 'honey-do list' for that day. See how much he gets done and how tired he is by the end of the day. I know he may be use to everything being done perfect, but try to show him that it changes after kids!

Rebecca - posted on 07/03/2010

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I agree with all the comments about mother hood being hard work and needing to be gentle on yourself - you are doing a tough job. I am surprised by the number of people who refer to fathers doing housework or babysitting as 'helping' though - are the children not his as well. Do mother's babysit their kids or care for them? Shouldn't father's be expected to do the same. I work as well, and know full well that work is way easier than spending a day at home with kids, so father's should 'clock on' with kids and housework when they arrive home, just as I expect to. What do other's think?

Loretta - posted on 07/03/2010

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Instead of a discouraging "to do" list that never got done, I started making what I called my "to did" list where I just wrote down everything I did after I did it. Then I drew a line through it. Once I was getting credit for cleaning up the box of Cheerios my toddler dumped or rocking the baby when she was sick, I found that I was actually doing a lot everyday. And the list full of crossed of items made me smile! :)

Elizabeth - posted on 07/03/2010

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I don't know how old your daughter is, but children do take up a lot of the time we use to available to make sure all the little things are done. Don't consider your self lazy, that will just lead to guilt and moms have enough of that already. The best bet is make a list of the things you need to do and start some kind of schedule. I would say that making sure your husband has the right work clothes is something that should be on your list, but certainly he can wait to eat if dinner is not ready right when he gets home from work. Try to make a deal with him that he cooks 1 or 2 nights a week and you'll make sure he has his work clothes clean.

Penny - posted on 07/03/2010

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Just remember this! Life for chaps who go to paid employment daily doesn't change much when baby arrives. For the women it does - if they are breastfeeding, and working in unpaid or paid employment at home. Supervision is constant, demands are ongoing, and there's always stuff to be done. Focus on your daughter- look after yourself - make sure you find even 10 mins in the day that is for you -= my friend used to do some chores - the kid was older, then allow herself a chapter of her book - yours could be a magazine article or a TV show - or even ten mins sitting indoors gazing at the sky - or something - the kids grow up - the husband might too. Some of them take years - and, as someone else said - he could wash - and iron! i say, his clothes -

Sam - posted on 07/03/2010

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oh sweetie, you're so not lazy!! LOL. When I was pregnant with my daughter who is 5 ( I now also have a 19week son), the one thing I remember someone saying to me is " kids dont remember how clean your skirting boards are" !! ie they remember the fun things we as mummies do with them, the quality time we spend and all the things you do together. Yes its nice if things are in order in the house, but at the end of the day its more important that our kids are happy and clean and fed. Things get easier as they get older and you can make a game out of dusting etc - not slave labour, just involving them a bit in your jobs LOL!!! as for hubby, I dont think men ever quite get what its like being at home 24/7 with a baby and trying to run a household. Youre obviously doing a great job, so dont be hard on yourself! xx

Janelle - posted on 07/03/2010

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LOL...my baby is my 3rd. Before I had kids, everything in the home had its place and was always put away. My plunket nurse said to me, never worry about the little things, the housework will always be there. And she is not wrong, My house is always clean but I dont bake as often as I used to, i dont iron, and the older kids help with the dishes. Your husband can help, after all it took both of you to make your little treasure. My advice to you is...dont sweat the small stuff and enjoy your baby girl.

Spring - posted on 07/02/2010

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I saw something that went kind of like this: "Yes, there is laundry on the couch, dirty dishes in the sink, the floor hasn't been mopped, the carpets haven't been vacuumed, nothing has been dusted, and dinner isn't cooking. However, I have a healthy, happy, well-adjusted child who knows how much I love them - so deal with it." Get done what you can, when you can. If you don't get to it today there's always tomorrow. And, as I'm sure others have pointed out, your husband's hands aren't broke. He can give you a hand getting things done and if he isn't willing to help out, show him how much it will cost to to hire a housekeeper. You both have full-time jobs. Don't be so hard on yourself. And no, you aren't the only mom that has gone through this. As you can see, you have plenty of company. And remember that this too shall pass.

Christine - posted on 07/02/2010

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there is only so much you can get done in a day ! when it comes to the needs of my kids everything else is second ..your home is a place for you and your family to come home to .Kids are growing every day then they move on .The house will be there long after there gone ....Enjoy them ....your not Lazy your a mother spreading your time around ..DON'T SWEAT THE LITTLE THINGS !!! Yes ! we all lose track of things from time to time .. try using a calender to keep u on track ?? if I post it ,I do it ..Good luck !

Lenny - posted on 07/02/2010

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FROM A GRANDMOTHER. SHOW THIS TO YOUR HUBBIES. Also make it a rule to NEVER get on the computer or watch TV until you get your home together. If friends call, return the call later. You will be doing yourself a favor to set up a schedule and stick to it. If you can't don't pound yourself. YOU are important and are not a failure. Just keep plugging along and eventually you will achieve success a bit at a time. Remember, compliment yourself with a treat for yourself while the babe is sleeping. GET YOUR REST! lAUGH AT FAILURES AND START OVER. Good luck to all you moms. Been there and done that.

HUSBANDS NEED TO PITCH IN
Let’s say that a young man who wishes to be a good husband has his plans in place for how he’s going to provide for his future wife and children.
Too often, though, he gives the matter no further thought, as if husbanding began and ended with earning a living.
But he must also prepare his mental image of what a marriage is supposed to be , so that he can be ready to step into the role of husband without any rude shocks--- to or to his new wife.

1. Your wife may become a mother but you are NOT one of her children.

This may seem obvious, but many a young husband imagined that his wife would pick up after him, cook and clean for him, just as his mother did. Your wife may specialize in earning a living, but in a happy household, all the jobs belong to BOTH the husband and the wife—and they’re done to the specifications of the partner who does them most often.

2. There is no job so hard or disgusting that your wife can do it and you can’t.

I hate scrubbing stuck-on pots and baking dishes, but that doesn’t mean it’s my wife’s job. I acquired the habit, before I was married, of rinsing and soaking every pot and pan the moment I emptied it into a serving dish, and since I cooked many a meal and cleaned up after even more, I brought that habit into our partnership. No pan EVER sits on the stove or by the sink unattended while we eat. Because while we’re ding I can feel the sauces turning to concrete, the stray noodles becoming stucco in the pans. It takes the joy out of the meal. But I didn’t impose this as a rule, telling my wife how to deal with dirty pots and pans in her kitchen. Instead, when I cooked I rinsed and soaked at once. Do you think she didn’t notice what a breeze it was to wash up after meals I prepared that way? And when she was doing the cooking, I would often take the pans she was finished with and do the first rinse and soak, so she didn’t have to t hink about it. Now we both have the habit, so that the hardest part of cleaning up is already done before we sit down to eat.This is not an essay about washing dishes---that’s merely an example. My sharing of the work of the kitchen earned me the right to have a say in how that work should be done. She knows that I’m as likely to be doing the cleanup after dinner as she is, and that I do as good a job as she does. If one of has to rush off to something after a meal, the other willingly takes up the slack. Nobody has to come home to a dirty kitchen.

3. If you do it now, she won’t have to do it later.

Children can walk right past a mess without noticing it. But adults see the mess and realize that it won’t clean itself up. Adults think, “If I don’t do this, who will?” Your household is a 24-hour –a -day enterprise. You do a part of your work at the office or shop or school or on the road, but that’s not the end of your working day. The good thing is :When you get home, you get to do the rest of your day’s work in the company of, or in support of, the person you love most in all the world. And by learning how to do all the jobs well, and then doing the ones that need doing without having to be asked, you’re telling your wife that she has an equal partner in the enterprise, one who knows how hard she works because he’s right there beside her. Then, when the household tasks are done for the day, perhaps you’ll have a few minutes to watch a television show, or play a game of “Ticket to Ride,” or lie in bed with the lights on, reading and telling each other the good bits from each other’s books. We are to be good stewards. We are to be the servants of all. The Savior could not have been more clear about it: Being waited on and obeyed does NOT get you into heaven. I remember the 33 years of work my wife and I have done together with as much joy as I remember the fun times. In fact, because she was with me and I with her doing all those jobs, in my memory it’s hard to tell the work from the play.

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