Divorce: "Don't talk about mommy."

Janelle - posted on 03/03/2013 ( 4 moms have responded )




I am divorced and have joint custody with my ex-husband. He has recently remarried and has a new rule in his house: "don't talk about mommy." My children are 3 and 5 years old, and remind me of this rule every time I pick them up after they come home after a weekend with their father. What do y'all think I should/can do?


Lucy - posted on 03/03/2013




I think you should calmly request a meet up with your ex and his wife to discuss this, as it really is asking the impossible of two small children!

At that age, the parents or main care givers are their whole world, so of course your children are going to mention Mummy and things they have been doing with you. I find it strange that your ex wouldn't want to hear about what his children get up to during the 50% of the time he isn't with them. Explain that you love to hear about what they do at Daddy's house, and children shouldn't have to mentally and emotionally separate the two homes.

You may no longer be a couple, but your ex needs to be reminded that you still have to parent jointly, or you have some confused and resentful children on your hands.

Kristi - posted on 03/05/2013




Wow...are they 12? That's a lot to ask of a 3 and 5 year old. It's normal human behavior to talk about what is going on in your life. Expecting a toddler and a kindergardener to have that kind of impulse control is unreasonable.

Why haven't you been allowed to meet the step-mother? I guess you can't really force them but I would try (which I'm sure you have) to insist on meeting the woman who is watching after my children. Like it or not, you all are raising these babies together. What is going to happen when they start playing sports, for example. Are they going to make them replay the game a second time so they can watch something you didn't?

I would look into a mediator. Someone who is trained in dealing with people like your ex. They know what is best for children and can advise you all how to work together. This way it is not coming from you. You don't have to resort to asking a mutual friend to try to help (not saying you would, but people do).

In the meantime, just keep encouraging your kids to speak freely, be upbeat when they go to dad's and when they ask you why they can't talk about you at dad's just tell them you don't know but you are so proud of them for following the rules even when they hard and they don't understand. Good luck with everything!


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Janelle - posted on 03/04/2013




Thanks so much, ladies! I have asked to meet with them together many times, but his new wife refuses. They have been married for over a year now (and are expecting their own baby in a few months), and I have still never been formally introduced. It's a difficult situation.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 03/03/2013




Well, maybe it is his way of preventing anyone from talking badly about you. I would just let it be.

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