DNA & step daughter

[deleted account] ( 8 moms have responded )

I have always had questions about whether my partner is genetically his daughter's father. Just little suspicions. With the recent ads on tv for ancestry DNA testing kits, we have had conversations about doing it. At the time it was intended to be educational about where in the world we really have come from. I want to. My partner doesn't. SD wants to (she's 15). Today we saw another ad and I said that would be cool! She said her mother DOESNT WANT HER TO DO IT. Why????? Her mother is supposedly Dutch and Irish. My partners ancestry is the "questionable" one. I think she's afraid what a DNA test would show. (Background--bio mom's monogamy was in question for several years of their marriage) Her dad says he doesn't want to know but this is driving me nuts! He always turns a blind eye to bio mom's questionable character and parenting.

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Sarah - posted on 02/06/2018

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And may well be sketchy....as a school nurse i see this all the time; where mom tells me "I think is is the baby-daddy" by HIPPA I cannot share any of their concerns. If they are happy, and is a healthy parenting relationship? IMO let it be.

[deleted account]

I thank everyone for their honest opinions. My intention was to learn where in the world we all are made up from. I have no definitive known ancestry and my partners paternal side has many differing theories. My radar went off when she said her mom didn't want her to participate. You are all correct her genetics are not my concern and I do understand this type of test isn't THAT type of test. Paternity wasn't my intention but daaang sure felt sketchy

Michelle - posted on 02/05/2018

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Who cares what she was doing when she was married to him? Does it affect your life?
You need to stay out of it.
You would be better off concentrating your efforts to your family now and not try and stir the pot by insisting on bringing up the past.

Sarah - posted on 02/05/2018

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After rereading the whole post and responses I too wonder what is in it for you? What have you got to gain vs what could you possible lose?
I looked up a couple of the websites that offer ancestral DNA testing and most have the following disclaimer: "Our tests are not designed to establish paternity or maternity, and any inferences a client makes about whether their father is actually their father based upon the results of an ancestry test is something we would strongly discourage. The only conclusive test to know if an alleged father is the biological father of an individual is a paternity DNA test."
Also the way the results are interpreted are very different. I could have all 4 of my kids tested and the percentage of Ukrainian heritage (as dad is 100%) would be consistent, but my heritage is much more varied and depending on what chromosomes they got from me could vary the results dramatically. Just as they all have different colored eyes. Conversely a true maternal or paternal DNA test examines specific genes; either they have them or they don't and if they have them and dad and I do not- then they would be right to wonder if we really are their parents.
If for 15 years this child and this man have had a stable parent/child relationship, why do anything to destroy that?

Ev - posted on 02/04/2018

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I agree with Sarah E. Also, I have heard the reports on the kind that Ancestory do and they are not always 100 percent accurate.

What is in this for you?

Sarah - posted on 02/04/2018

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Ancestry DNA is completely different from a paternal DNA test. Ancestry looks at where you came from not whom your parents may be; I deal with this all the time. if your husband questions his paternity, then there is only one way to deal with it; through a court ordered DNA test

Marcia - posted on 02/04/2018

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I think you get the hint but you don't want to accept it. There is a difference between being a sperm donor and being a dad. Your husband is his daughter's dad. Why do you want to do a test which will throw a wrench into his relationship with his daughter? At the age of 15, what good will come from her learning that someone else is her actual dad? Leave this alone -- you are letting your hatred toward his ex blind you to the harm you are trying to do to him and your stepdaughter.

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