Do any moms here have the a year older than you, your age, or a year younger when your child is dating?

Rebecca - posted on 09/08/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




I've heard of families who have a one grade up, one grade down rule if their son or daughter is dating so I'm wondering should I have that rule with my kids too? I wouldn't want my very oldest to be dating a girl 5 years younger than him so should I make it clear that he may date girls a year younger, his own age, or a year older?


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/09/2014




I would say that your dating rules should fit your style.

With my kids there wasn't a question. They dated (using the term loosely, as they didn't have steadies during HS) within the population of their school

Chet - posted on 09/08/2014




I don't like these kinds of rules. Healthy well-adjusted kids get involved in healthy well-adjusted relationships. The idea is to raise a teen who can make good choices..

19 year olds aren't hanging around middle school playgrounds looking for 14 year old girlfriends because their parents didn't impose dating rules. These guys have issues, and are looking for a girlfriend they can easily control. Middle school girls who date vastly older guys usually do it because they lack self esteem, are desperate for attention, are seeking a father figure, have an unstable home life and want someone who can take care of them, etc. When you have a 14 year old dating a 19 year old there is often a lot more going on than lack of parental restrictions on age.

Moreover, a rule like this isn't going to catch every case you want to restrict, or let through every pairing you'd be okay with...

Sometimes when kids change school districts or countries, or if they've had unusual circumstances with their schooling, they can end up in a grade where they are vastly older or younger than their classmates. I've known 18 and 19 year olds in grade 10, and 15 year olds in grade 12. My husband went to undergrad with a guy who was 12 when he started his degree! Our oldest is in grade 5 and the youngest kids in her class aren't quite 10 yet, but the oldest kids are already 12.

And I think there are exceptions... times when I would allow a large age gap... I'm thinking about teens who have something in common that transcends age, and forces maturity early... teens who are elite athletes, or teens facing a terminal illness, and who are brought together outside of school where peer groups aren't as rigidly defined.

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