do i have to stay with the dad ?

Rose - posted on 09/13/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




i was just 15 when i met my boyfriend and due to being young, naive and not using appropriate birth control i got pregnant with my son who's 20 months,at the age of 18. i feel that the connection with my boyfriend is lost i don't feel the same about him. i can't imagine myself soending the rest of my life with him !

considering he's a man and has needs i feel pressured to be intimate with him but i feel dirty and worthless afterwards cause deep down i know that i don't love him, the only thing that's keeping me with him is my son

my family has been pressuring me to stay with him cause he is a very doting caring dad .. and if i leave him i'm afraid i'll be alone considering i have no friends and i'm not sure if any other guy wants to be a part of my life with a child already

should i stay with him because he's the father of my son ?


Ev - posted on 09/13/2014




You should really talk to him about things but if there is no feelings then you should not stay with him just because he is a doting and caring dad to the baby. You both can co-parent just as easily without being together or married. Its not fair to him or you or the baby. But you should set up legal custody, visitation and child support though to cover everyone involved. Do not argue about things and work them out.

Also, there is no reason to be ashamed or feel dirty for having this happen. No one is perfect and you do have a special little man in your life. As far as finding another person to spend your life with, when the time comes you will and just make sure that this one is willing to accept your child as part of the package and that you were young when you made those choices and that he won't hold it against you. No one is perfect. No one can do it all "right" all of the time. That is how we learn in this life. That is how we grow. Just take it a day at a time.

Michelle - posted on 09/13/2014




The worst thing you can do for your child is to stay with someone you don't love. Your son deserves you to be happy, not miserable and staying with someone that isn't right for you. Just because he's a man, doesn't mean he HAS to have sex. Men can go without!!! If you say no and he keeps hounding, you don't have to give in. If he forces it then that's rape.
I had 2 children with my 1st husband and have since married the most wonderful man and had #3. The right man will love you for who you are, children and all.


View replies by

Sandra - posted on 09/13/2014




I was in a very similar situation. I decided to stay. It wasn't always easy (marriage usually isn't). 23 years later I am so happy I did. My boys are both in college and my husband is my best friend. Everything we've gone through has made our marriage grow stronger. We both wanted to make our marriage to be better and that desire from each is what made it work. If you stay make sure your attitude toward your mate changes and get counseling for both of you.

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms