do i leave my partner now?

Rhiannon - posted on 08/10/2012 ( 1 mom has responded )




Hi there,
Im a 21 year old mother of my 6 month old daughter i am still with her father we have been together 18 months and i feel like i need to break up with him our relationship to me seems to be going no where and i wonder if he just stayed with me because i ended up pregnant...I do love him but it feels like we are growing apart he doesnt have plans for the future ie. marriage or settling down. He has been offered a new job on a farm in the middle of nowhere and this may be breaking point for us. oh he is also looking at going to prision ( please dont judge on this as it isnt bad ) i am unsure of what to do i feel lost and dont wish to break up my daughters family...


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 08/10/2012




Rhiannon, first of all, prison also isn't "good"...he had to have done something illegal to be facing the possibility of lockup. Don't get me wrong, have plenty of cousins, inlaws, and nephews that have sat in a cell for awhile, so the whole idea of that is not something I'm judgmental on, because people do make poor decisions once in awhile, and can still be good people underneath. My nephews are a good example of that.

But...Have you and he actually sat down and talked this all out? Have you asked him about whether or not he just stuck around because of the baby? Because, if so, you both need to examine your options, and soon. (if he did stay for her, then I admire him for that, really). Try to see if you can work out an agreement on visitation, custody, and whatnot.

If he is hesitant to make plans due to his possibly impending sentence, then that's also not necessarily a bad thing, because he's saying he doesn't want to drag you thru all of the drama and mess.

Now what (to you) is the "middle of nowhere"? I'd be ecstatic to be told "we're moving to the middle of nowhere to work a ranch", to be honest...LOL...but I'm that kind of person. If the "middle of nowhere" is 20 miles from the closest town, and you'd only be able to make weekly runs in...that's not too bad, really. Now, if it's 100 miles from the nearest human...I'd be hesitant. Sometimes, though, giving up the hustle and bustle of city life is a blessing.

With one that young, I'd be slightly concerned about distance, but not overly.

I'd say that you two need to have an open, honest discussion with each other. You need to decide a lot of things, and you're not going to be able to make those decisions without discussing things with him, especially if he's been supportive of you and the baby. Explain your concerns to him, explain your hesitation, and see if you can either come to a compromise, or if not, an agreement to co parent.

Good luck!

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