Do i stay with him or do i move on?

GENA - posted on 01/08/2013 ( 6 moms have responded )




I am dating a man that has no kids, i have two, girl is 18 & boy is 10. After a year he just met them and it was great. He has made it very clear that he does not want to be a father to them. He wants to wait a couple more years to get comfortable with the kids before taking our relationship to the next level. My question is, is waiting for him the right thing to do by my kids? i dont want to lose him and i dont want to lose my kids. He says he cant promise me anything but would like me to take a chance on him till we both are on the same page. He says he wants the same things i want. Im trying to be understanding since he has no kids, does not want any and has never been married, he has lived the bachlor life and im the first real serious relationship that he has fallen in love.....please help me. Do i stay and wait or do i move on to a family man. Ive never been truly in love till he came in my life.


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[deleted account]

Honestly, I kind of agree with him on waiting. Moving into a house with children is a BIG step--it's way more complicated than just moving in with your girlfriend. I think he is right to want to get to know the children and understand his dynamic with them first.

That said, I would worry about the "never want to be a father figure to them" idea. It is one thing to want to build a relationship with the children before moving in--that would be a good reason to wait, but if you are waiting for essentially nothing, and if when he finally does move in he is just a detached blob to them, you should just leave; there is no point in waiting.

Perhaps you should try couples counseling. Just a few sessions to see if the long term is worth the wait.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/11/2013




I would be dropping him. He thinks in a few years you will be like a single women. You will ALWAYS be a mom. He clearly always wants to be a bachelor.

Ariana - posted on 01/10/2013




How long have you been dating?

Maybe you could put a time-limit on how long you're willing to wait and if things aren't serious enough by then that's when you decide not to continue. I wouldn't keep it for a very long time, maybe a year more. I would talk to him about this and say your concerns (without making it sound like you're trying to pressure him into doing what you want).

Just have a very frank discussion with him and tell him sort of what you just said. You love him and are trying to understand where he's coming from, but you also have a family and they are part of who you are. You are looking for a serious relationship with the potential of progressing to the next level and are worried about leaving it open-ended to where that might never happen with him. Then you could say you're willing to give it another year and if after the years up he's still not wanting to become more serious then you both call it quits so nobodies time is wasted. It's not a threat or 'you have to be with me!' it's telling him that you have needs just like he does and you're willing to wait and see if more develops.

A year is plenty of time to figure out if you are right for each other and ready to move on, if he's not then get out and find someone else. This gives him time to make up his mind and you a limit of how much time you're willing to spend on someone who is unsure of how they feel.

GENA - posted on 01/10/2013




Im not making excuses for him but he does still want to get to know my kids. He still comes over for dinner and movie but as far as all of us moving in as one big happy family, hes not ready and wants to take it slow. So m trying to determine if this is normal or if anyone else has been in this situation. With a man that has no kids and never married. I know they are my kids and they are first of course but i should be able to be happy also. Even if i have to have two lifes, but is that resonable?

Lakota - posted on 01/08/2013




Gena, move on. You have kids and he doesn't want them. Your kids will always be in your life. You know what the right thing to do is. It's just hard because you don't want to lose this man. But, the truth is this: He wants you to change. He doesn't want the same thing you want. Find a family man who will love your children. He wants you to choose. How is that even something you would consider?

[deleted account]

Why would you ever want a man who makes it clear that he has no interest in ever appearing fatherly to your children? I stopped there. If he wanted the same things you do, this post wouldn't be here would it?

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