Do you give in?

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2010 ( 27 moms have responded )




When you are at the store, and junior is not acting his/her you give and hand over the bag of candy, or a donut? Just curious how you handle your little one at the store when they are not acting there best...what do you do to get in and out as fast as possible? Especially if they are throwing a fit for candy?


Connie - posted on 12/07/2010




make it clear that you wont give in. i tell my girls that i do not negotiate with terrorists lol. if you do give in even on occasion and reward their bad behavior it only reinforces the behavior and it will continue and usually get worse. my girls know if they are good and ask for something they might get it but the answer is always no if there is a fit, in fact i have made them put things they wanted back if they start acting up after they get them in the buggy. good luck and God bless!

Jane - posted on 12/07/2010




My kids are 20 and 17 now but when they were little, if they weren't behaving, we left the store. Plain and simple...if that meant I left a cart full of groceries, then that's what I did. We immediately went home and time out was done. Worked like a charm...only had to do that a few times when they were toddlers and never had to do it again.

Tracy - posted on 12/07/2010




HE** NO! I've left a store because my kids were behaving badly. They know better now.

Medic - posted on 12/07/2010




Hell no I don't give in and yes if my kid is throwing a fit I will leave the store. I have only had to do it once and now that he knows I am serious he doesn't act a fool in stores now. He hated the drive home with me not saying a word. I set the ground rules ahead of time and I don't bend them.

JuLeah - posted on 12/07/2010




Give in once, get ready to give in for life. No, the few times that happened, we left. taching the lesson was more important then shopping.
When my daughter would ask, I'd ask back, "Did you bring your money?"
She learned to ask, "Maybe for my birthday?" and I'd say, "Yes" knowing that in 8 months, she would have forgotten :)
Make sure the kid is well rested and has had a snack prior to going in the store. Make sure you have gone over the rules and make sure the child has something to do .... hold the list, help put things in the cart, check things off the list as you get them, read labels, track the total bill ....
It has also worked for me to ask kids what the rule is, "Can I have candy?"
"What is the rule about asking for candy in the store?"
Sometimes that is enough of a reminder.


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Margaret - posted on 12/09/2010




Joy I have to say," that is pretty funny", But be careful, because as he gets older those little Dum-Dums won't work. He will expect bigger things, like the whole lollipop ( the big ones) if you understand where I'm coming from. Hold your ground. He won't be three forever.

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I take two Dum-Dum lollipops with me everywhere I go. I totally use them to bribe my son when he's getting a little out of control in public. I won't add anything extra to the cart to bribe him but I will whip out a Dum-Dum so fast it'll make your head spin lol And I always say no in the checkout aisle about the candy there. I scurry him past that stuff as fast as possible and get him down to the part where the debit swiper is. I then block him in with the cart and have him help me unload the groceries and pay. He likes to swipe the card. Then we're outta there. One thing I learned the hard way now that he won't ride in the cart is that the easiest way to maneuver the parking lot while still holding his hand is to PULL the cart instead of trying to push that S.O.B. one handed. Pull cart, hold 3 year old's hand. Win - Win.

Stifler's - posted on 12/09/2010




I agree with not negotiating with terrorists, I wouldn't go rewarding shitty behaviour with treats. But I do believe that bribery will get you everywhere including in and out of the shops with minimal disruptions. Everyone judges everyone at the supermarket. I judge people all the time and they probably judge me for leaving my sons suit undone at the crotch. But I really can't be bothered to snap the snaps when he is screaming on the change table. And you can forget pants then too. On my facebook earlier a chick was saying how her kid threw a tantrum at the shops and everyone looked and laughed and it was annoying. I think kids have bad days and what's not to laugh at when it's someone else's! There will always be the hilarious old people in the express line saying "THAT KID NEEDS A FLOGGIN!" and the people ready to call CPS if you so much as raise your voice.

Margaret - posted on 12/08/2010




NEVER give in, then they will throw the fit all the time if you do. I walk out of the store if they continue to act up. Don't bribe them either.

Christy - posted on 12/08/2010




Great question Marina. I just wrote a good article on Toddler Temper Tantrums that might help someone out there struggling with this. It is titled, "Temper Tantrums Toddlers: How to Get Them to Stop Acting Out" and if interested you can view it at

Shelley - posted on 12/08/2010




When my daughter started throwing tantys in shops I found somewhere in the shop out of the way of other people and sat her down right there in the shop and made her do time out for 1mn for each year of her age, sounds really dramatic and embarrassing doing that out in public but I only had to do it a couple of times and then when I told her to behave she knew I meant business. Also if your in a hurry it can be tempting to not do it but if they know you wont do it they automatically know they have a hold over you, also I didnt find it embarassing once I got her to sit there other people just gave me a look of understanding about what I was trying to teach her rather than judgement.
Cheeres, I hope that helps in some way.

Jodi - posted on 12/07/2010




I NEVER give in. Ever. If they have behaved, I will allow them to choose a treat sometimes, but it is random. I don't buy one every time.

I watched a mother today tell her kids "and if you don't behave, you can only have ONE of those treats, not 2". Um, yeah, that's teaching them. So if they misbehave, they still get one treat?

Renae - posted on 12/07/2010




Dr Phil says that if your child throws a fit in the shopping centre you should ignore it, stand back in the crowd and say "tut tut, where is that child's mother?!". Ha! I thought that was great and hilarious advice. :)

Dana - posted on 12/07/2010




i've always told my kids before we leave the house that we are only getting groceries & that i don't have enough money for treats but maybe next time OR if they naughty then we don't go out shopping OR i tell them that lollies are yuk .. everyone is different but it worked for me lol lol lol

Kethsia - posted on 12/07/2010




I understand your point of view. I do have a talk to my children when we are going out. May be I did not explained myself the right way. Kids love to push your buttons, and when they do, you have to ignored them. How many time can you say to a child," no". When you spoke softly and explained why they cannot have what they want. This is why, I said ignore the child when crying. When you have a pattern, and the child understand it. They will understand that if they do that next time they will not get what they want. Rewarding a child for bad behavior is not right. I do not believe in spanking, I do believe taking something away from them is necessary, timeout, take away TV time.

Kellie - posted on 12/07/2010




Oh, and always praise them for when they are being good and obeying you then those times you can reward them. :) Good luck!

Kellie - posted on 12/07/2010




We always tackle the store as a team (my husband and I) so if one of our kids are acting up we first give them the warning that if they don't stop the behavior then dad will take him/her out to the car. We have had to do a couple of times, my daughter had to twice in one trip! But it works. We haven't had to escort one out in a long long time. They ask for something we say no that is that they know we won't give in. If that is not an option I have many times when my kids were going through the terrible (but wonderful) two have had to put them in a time out in the store. Yes people will stare at you, but I have also gotten praised for it as well. You just can't be worried about what other are thinking of you. Besides if you are giving them the candy/toy ect. you are just rewarding them for the behavior and they will continue to do it every time you take them to the store, but you are persistent and don't give it the problem will be resolved. Be prepared however to have the first few fits when you say no and stick to it to be worse than they are now. But don't give up or give in.

Amanda - posted on 12/07/2010




Nope I wouldnt give them candy or a donut if they were behaving so why would I while they are misbehaving? Why would anyone encourage bad behaviour in their child?? If my children are misbehaving in public, we go home. One thing I have learned is stores still carry the same stuff the next day, but teaching your child to be a good child doesnt stop because you "need" to get shopping done.

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Nope. Throwing a fit is a guarantee to NOT get what you want. None of my kids have ever really pushed that boundary in the store though.

Laura - posted on 12/07/2010




No. As others have pointed out, rewarding "bad" behavior is a bribe and it will ultimately fail. Being prepared ahead of time is the best way to head off melt-downs. When my daughter was little she LOVED being in charge of the shopping list and helping to put items in the cart. This engagement with the chore provided her with lots of positive attention so I very rarely had any problems. I always ended the shopping with an opportunity for her to do her "shopping"--a few minutes spent looking a the toys in the toy section! I never bought anything, but she absolutely loved being able to wander the isles playing with and checking out the toys. That was a cheap reward for behaving well and helping!

Sorry, Kethsia, but I have to disagree with the effectiveness of the "ignoring" strategy. The best option is to give them limited but firm attention by communicating your behavioral expectations to them. If they choose not to follow the instructions then you remove them from the situation by leaving. YOU may be ignoring your kids, but they know that others nearby aren't! Even dirty looks from strangers can give them that attention they are literally crying for and they will keep acting out to get that attention. Removing them from the public space removes that attention from strangers. Plus, predators often seek those kids that appear to be ignored by parents! Why? Because they know these kids desperately want attention, that's why! So think of this in terms of providing safety for your kids by NOT ignoring them in public spaces. Deal with their behavior in a brief manner, but don't ignore them outright.

Firebird - posted on 12/07/2010




I don't give in and I do not leave the store. If my daughter's in the store with me, it's because I don't have any other time to do my shopping until sometime next week. I'll haul her through the aisles kicking and screaming if I have to, and I dare anyone to shoot me a dirty look! lol (They'd regret it). If she's been really good ALL day, she sometimes gets a kinder egg or something small like that. It took about 2 years but she's usually quite well behaved when we go out now.

Kethsia - posted on 12/07/2010




Pretend the child is not yours.LOL, seriously, as long the child is not hurting he or herself. do not say anything to that child, ignore, ignore. The child will get tired. Also, ignore the other people.

Morgan - posted on 12/07/2010




I would leave the store, or have my hubby take her into the car to wait, but shes only 11 months so I have not had a chance to practice yet :)

Amy - posted on 12/07/2010




If we've had a successful shopping trip and my son wants gum I usually say yes. If he hasn't behaved he doesn't get rewarded for bad behavior! Once I say no I don't give in but usually my son is well behaved when we are running errands because if he isn't the shopping trip has ended long before the checkout!

Christy - posted on 12/07/2010




NO WAY! Only only only if the are being good, and even then usually no! They will OWN you if you cave!!!!

Julie - posted on 12/07/2010




No, and this has served me well. 'Course, my son isn't quite 3, so I'm sure there's time;-). I always make sure I have snacks in the diaper bag if he gets hungry. Once time I forgot and he started getting cranky, so I opened a box of Cheerios we were buying anyway ... he ate almost 1/3 of the box and its "weight loss" threw off the self-serve check out. Oops!

I was next to a mom who had a toddler totally melting down over wanting gum. It was tough to listen to (who knew toddlers could reach those decibels?) but I really credit the mom for not caving. If that little girl was like my son, she probably crashed < 1/2 mile from the store on the drive home!

~♥Little Miss - posted on 12/07/2010




Thanks Connie...this isn't for me..LOL it is for the poor kid I saw in the store yesterday. Mom on the phone, kid just wanting attention and a blow ended up very heated with the child and just dragging him out of the store leaving everything behind. I don't know them or there situation..but the way things were going...just give the kid the loli if you are gonna be like that!

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