Don't know what to do....

Tania - posted on 07/10/2014 ( 2 moms have responded )




Hi, I'm new to this site. I stumbled across it trying to google what to do in my case. My son is 5 today, and he goes to daycare with my other two children ages 1, and 3. He asked if he could have an old phone of mine and of course I said yes. He took it to daycare on Monday, and out of curiosity my husband looked threw it yesterday. He found a recording of a 4th grade boy (probably 9 or 10) telling my son to say nasty bad words, and also talking a bit about the male part. And you can hear him clearly and even a teacher yell in the back ground "sit down". The recording is about 5 minutes long and then there are 2 more about 2 minutes long. When we asked my son he said that if he did not repeat then this older boy would get mad at him, and even on the recording he asks a little girl to say something and she responds "no", and he says "oh yeah fine the haters are always gonna hate". Who teaches their kids that? I went to the daycare and they said they were sorry and were gonna get after the teachers but i feel like its not enough. Earlier this year my son cried because he hated day care, turned out this little boy was bulling him, and i told the teacher and she said she was going to speak to him. My son never mentioned him again so I was under the impression he stopped bulling him. I went and filed a police report but they didn't seem to care either. I received a call from the daycare owner asking for forgiveness and to please take my kids back. Which i obviously am not going to, but a friend tells me that I should do something about this because he might keep on doing it to other kids and make it public even though the director called and apologized. What should I do? Should I sue? Should I send it to the news? What SHOULD I do as a mother?


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Chet - posted on 07/11/2014




I would not go to the news or pursue legal action. This is the kind of thing that 9 and 10 year old boys do. Not all of them of course, but 9 to 11 is an age where kids (often boys) start to experiment with coarse language. It's a way to demonstrate that you aren't a kid any more. It's a way to explore the power of language.

As a mother, I would make sure that your son understands why swear words are a problem. Children often have no appreciation of the meaning these words carry... they only sense that they are strong words and that they can get in trouble if they're caught using them. You don't need to get into the gory details, but help your son to understand that there are specific problems with using foul language.

I would also explain to your son that the right thing is not necessarily the thing that makes people happy. This is one reason I'm generally opposed to using praise and punishment to get kids to behave. Parents and teachers use these methods, and then they're surprised when kids give in to pressure from peers who accept them for cooperating, and who shun them or get angry with them for failing to participate.

Don't assume parents teach their kids this stuff. They get it from other kids, older siblings, tv, movies, the internet, etc. Someday you'll have a 10 year old and you'll be surprised at the stuff your 6 year old knows just because he has an older brother around. You son won't necessarily be doing this stuff when he's 10, but you can often spot kids who spend time around older kids just because of the stuff they pick up - they see what the older siblings are watching on tv, hear what they say to their friends, see what they think is cool, etc.

I generally avoid programs and activities for kids where the age group is too broad. I don't usually like to 5 to 12 year olds together - not unless I know the kids and/or know that the level of supervision and structure is suitable to really accommodate the youngest children. There are 10 to 12 year olds who respect that they are around little kids, but this isn't the default.

Mary - posted on 07/10/2014




I don't think there's much for you to do. Sadly, children who behave like that lack of something at home, love, supervision, respect, I don't know what is the child's particular case, but I can assure you it doesn't end there. The teachers and owner probably tried or did talked to the parent but if the parent doesn't take action, that's about it. The childcare can force the parent to remove the child, this is not discrimination but a disciplinary action, but that doesn't mean the child will stop bullying somewhere else. I think you should feel really proud of your child who was very smart to get the recording. Best of luck to you and your family, and I hope your child keeps being that smart

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