Don't want my second child.

Amanda - posted on 03/14/2016 ( 4 moms have responded )




I have an amazing daughter who will be 3 in May and I just found out last week that I'm pregnant with our second child. I am devastated. I can't say this pregnancy wasn't planned, because I did stop using contraceptives last month. My husband wanted another child so I thought, ok we'll give it a shot since I'm not getting any younger (I'm 30). It took us over a year to conceive our daughter, so I really thought I had time to mentally prepare, however that wasn't the case! Ever since I found out I'm pregnant, I feel like I'm grieving my daughter. She's so much fun, learning and absorbing everything. I feel like having another child will hurt her. I've cried ever since I've found out, I look at my daughter and think "how could I have done this to her?!?" I break out in tears when I'm watching her play, how can I take time away from her? She has a play room upstairs that will have to be turned in to a baby's room. We have a finished basement and will be her new playroom, but in the back of my mind, I think "I'm just tossing her in the basement". My husband watches me cry and tries to assure me it'll be fine but it's gotten to the point he's actually apologizing, which makes me feel even worse. I'm putting off going to the doctor, I just don't want to believe it's real. Someone please tell me I'm not alone...or crazy.


MaryAnn - posted on 03/14/2016




You're not alone, and you're NOT crazy. It kind of feels like cheating. The experience of being a mom comes with all sorts of feelings of guilt and insecurity. But trust me- there's enough of you to go around, and it gets easier with time.

Dove - posted on 03/14/2016




My first pregnancy was twins... so having only one at a time was never an option for me. Yes, siblings have conflicts... anytime you have more than one person spending a lot of time together... there WILL be conflicts, but siblings are also a HUGE blessing to each other.

I am the type that wanted to be everywhere and do everything for my children... and honestly I think having twins was God's way of making sure they weren't spoiled rotten... because when you have two infants at once... you CAN'T be everywhere and do everything. It's a physical impossibility.

Granted, I know kids that are only children and are OK w/ it, but I know a lot more that have siblings... and it's extremely rare to find someone that completely regrets having those brothers/sisters.

Sarah - posted on 03/14/2016




I agree with Raye. Sounds like some counseling might be helpful. I am the oldest of 6 kids and I have 4 kids myself. I grew up and still feel this way....I feel sad for those thar are an only child. They have no playmate, no best friend that always has their back, no family that is there no matter what when the parents have past away, no one to help with aging parents. Your joy does not end when you have another child it doubles. You see the joy a sibling brings to them and the family. My kids were always the ones that could get the biggest belly laughs from their siblings. To see a siblings eyes light up when the other sibling walks through the door is priceless. Life will change, but the change does not need to be bad.

Raye - posted on 03/14/2016




Maybe you need to speak with a counselor to help you through these feelings. Life will change for all of you, but it doesn't have to be a bad change. Find ways too keep your daughter included in what's going on with the baby. It can be a good learning experience for her.


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