Eight year age gap

Yolande - posted on 06/30/2010 ( 5 moms have responded )

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My two boys have an eight year age gap, which create constant war in our house!! I need advise on how to keep the two of them at peace, at least some times, and to get activities they can do together to form & keep a bond. Please send ideas.

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Iridescent - posted on 07/02/2010

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What are their ages? It does make a difference.

Our oldest is 11 years old. The next is 9. Those two fight constantly and it drives me insane. We do discuss regularly the reason the older one is allowed to do more, try to do individual things they each enjoy, allow them each their own friends based on their own behavior, but it doesn't stop it by any means, only lessens it. Our next 3 are all 8 years younger at 3 years old. That really has caused more of a rift between our older two than anything else has, but hasn't caused a problem yet between either of the older ones and the younger 3. Our oldest absolutely adores each of the 3 little ones! He begged to share a bedroom with our little boy, and our final decision was no, he needs privacy more than any of the others and only 1 child is able to have their own room in our house due to size. He "babysits" a lot, 5 minutes for us to get the mail, sets his alarm to wake up (per HIS request) and help get the kids ready, and he took a babysitting course this spring. He knows each of their medications and diets. He also gets paid a fair wage for helping so much, because it IS helping, not expected. Our 9 year old resents the 3 little ones because now he doesn't have the same freedom as the oldest, and he can't have mom or dad just take him to go fishing, etc, whenever he wants like we used to be able to. The 3 need so much care in so many ways it takes up the majority of our lives, and he resents it. I don't blame him.

Some things that have helped keep the peace between our kids include playstation! The oldest 2 play and the younger 3 love watching! Even hand them a controller without batteries and they think they're playing. Playing outside, although that has its own hazards. I built an awesome swingset this spring that is age appropriate for all 5, and they enjoy it immensely and even help each other, such as holding a little one's legs to allow them to cross the monkey bars, which they can't do alone. Today we took them all to the pool and it was a hit with (most of) them. Both older ones were begging to play with the little ones! Life jackets on, all in water where the parents and oldest could reach, I approved. Fishing is a hit here as well. Movies - our little ones generally love anything the older 2 choose, but our older ones are also willing to watch "princess frog!" for the umpeenth time as well. Even walkie talkies and hide and seek. Coloring at the table, a nice art kit for the older two, crayons and coloring books for the younger. A couple days ago one of our little ones got ahold of the nurse's notes and drew "cheese" all over them, while another colored my leather chair...but they were happy together, so I let it go without comment.

Andrea - posted on 07/02/2010

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I think it common for there to be sibling fighting no matter of the age gap. My boys are 22 months a part and they are horrible. They fight and argue all the time. they can't play together with out something happening. With that said there is a 7 year age difference in my youngest boy and my daughter that 10 months. So far so good the adore their baby sister then again she is just starting to get mobile. I for see a problem coming in the next 6 months . My boys dont get along with younger child very well they say they get on their nerves. So I for see when my daughter starts walking, talking, touch there stuff there will no longer be peace in my house. Wait there never that anyway the boys are always fighting. I think the key is to keep them bussy and try to remove one or both of them from what ever is causing the arguement at the time. Talk to them not sure how old your kids are but if there and 8 year gap I sure the oldest is big enough to have a talk with and see what bothering him about him sibling and if he has any ideals how the could get along.

Brandy - posted on 06/30/2010

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Its not easy. I have a 14yr old, 4yr old and a 13 month old. The older one doesnt seem to be the problem. The two younger ones want to be doing everything the 13yr old is doing....and most times thats just not possible.
Kids will fight with each other no matter what the age. Its all a part of being sibblings.
As long as you can give them all their own "mommy time" then you are doing the best you can.

Tracy - posted on 06/30/2010

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My kids are 5 years apart, and yes they go after each other. My girl (3) will bug her brother (8) incessantly. And at their father's house, the boy is the one who has to watch her all the time. They are also not allowed to sleep in their own rooms. So they are together constantly. At my home, I encourage them to play in their own rooms by themselves and they love having their own beds. Only rarely do I ask the boy to watch his sister, when I do I try to suggest an activity they can do together. I put them to bed seperately, so they each get time with just me. And sometimes, as a reward for being so helpful and well behaved, my partner will pull out a movie and we'll watch it together after the little one is in bed.

Nichole - posted on 06/30/2010

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Me and my sister are 8 years apart. We fought alot when we were small, mostly cuz I was her "babysitter" alot (my mom was a single mom) and she tends to see me as another adult figure in her life. So she "fights" with me about rules and such. We get along better now that I'm 21 married with a baby and not living at home... Now our relationship is more like I'm a cool aunt rather than a second mom. i don't know how to help you but just because they fight don't mean they don't love each other and aren't bonded well. i love my sister to pieces even if sometimes I feel like killing her...she's 13 now...oy preteen attitudes. :)

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