ex-husband had baby with girlfriend, how do i tell my 6 yr old son?

M - posted on 06/19/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




My ex-husband got a girl pregnant he says by "accident" when we were 3months separated. He told me abt the pregnant girl when she was 9 1/2months pregnant, and at that time decided to move in with her, giving me and my son no time to adjust. During the divorce he did not tell anyone he had a pregnant girlfriend, pretending to be a "poor husband" that got kicked out of the house by his wife and having no where to live. He also provided documents stating he had debit and only made 14,000 a yr which was a big lie. We settled the divorce with him paying practicly no child support and no medical for my son. The child therapist took away visitation for the first six months after baby was born, saying my ex was not proper parenting and this could effect my son who has not emotionally recovered from an extremely contentious divorce. How do I now tell my son abt this new baby, his half brother, and the girlfriend without causing my son trauma?


Angela - posted on 06/20/2014




DJ - someone CAN be "9½ months pregnant" my daughter recently had a baby when she was 2 weeks over her due date!

M O - I'm sorry your husband did this. It's a common trick I'm afraid when a couple splits. No-one likes to be exposed as a cheat so they find other reasons to part with their spouses, keep the new partner under wraps and then pretend (when they're ready to "go public" with their relationship) - that they've only just met!

Now, I don't know the dynamics of your ex-husband's relationship with his new partner. It appears as though you were split from him about a year when the new baby came along? This is also common. A man leaves his wife & family for someone he has formed a relationship with deceitfully. From time to time he will remind his new partner of exactly what he gave up to be with her. If they're keeping their relationship secret for a while, this will add to the stress. She will be very aware that her predecessor (YOU!!) was his LEGAL wife - and furthermore that she is the MOTHER of his child(ren). So what do you think many of these "other women" do to even up the stakes? They get pregnant! And frequently they do so without even discussing it with the man they "stole"!!

Sorry to be brutal (and yes, I MAY be wrong) but your ex-husband has jumped out of the frying pan and into the fire! And he will regret his actions in time. His new partner will also regret HER actions. None of this is the child's fault, just like none of it is YOUR fault or YOUR child's fault.

I don't know what country you're in so I have no idea how the Law stands on him meeting his responsibilities. In the UK, a man who is expected to pay child support can sometimes have the amount reduced if there are dependent children in his new relationship. This doesn't only mean his own children, but also if his new partner has other children who live with them. Much depends on how many children are involved and how much the man earns, whether his former wife earns (and how much she makes) and also the new partner's earnings, if any.

Every case is judged on its own merits. Unfortunately, people on BOTH sides of the debate are not above making use of the Law when it's in their favour - temporarily & depending on circumstances! It's also an absolute minefield around the Welfare Benefits entitlement procedure! A great many ex-wives and partners want "unofficial" child support contributions from their ex-husbands (so they can still claim benefit which is reduced when they're also receiving child support from the child's father)!! A lot of ex-husbands and their new partners are complicit in this as well.

Good luck in getting your due amount of child support & wife support from this man.


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/20/2014




@ DJ, since normal gestation is 40 weeks, 9 1/2 months means that the woman was at 38 weeks of 40.

Some pregnancies can go as long as 44 weeks (my eldest was 44 weeks)

♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/20/2014




First of all, unless your child therapist is also a judge, they cannot rescind visitation orders from the non custodial parent. They can RECOMMEND...but not rescind, so make sure that you are following all legal steps.

And you tell your son that his father (who he knows is seeing someone else) had a child with that person, so your son is now a big brother.

If you feel that he's falsified documentation, you can request a legal investigation into his income, etc, but you have to abide by court orders. If you do not, your ex can request full custody based on your not following the orders, and you'd not have any legal leg to stand on.

Djjj - posted on 06/19/2014




Your husband sounds like a real piece of work. And how is someone "91/2" months pregnant?? I would talk to another lawyer. There are lawyers who do pro bono jobs for people with low incomes. As far as your 6 year old son is concerned I would not make a big deal out of it. Raise him proper and over the years he will eventually learn what a idiot his dad is. (I am being nice using the word idiot, when I can think of so many others). You say that you had your son see a child therapist. Well, if possible continue to have him see the therapist (if you are comfortable with this therapist). I would also ask if you can sit in on some of his sessions and maybe together you can find the answers your looking for. Don't just go with the first professional you come across. If you are uncomfortable with these lawyers and or therapist, try another. I feel as though you are leaving some things out of your story. but that is just my opinion there. good luck dj

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