Ex is influencing my 11 year old sons disrespect towards me.

Diane - posted on 02/26/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




It's difficult enough to deal with the changing hormones of boys growing up. Now when disciplining him in my home, under my rules my son strikes back with "You're nothing but mean and now I know why Dad and you aren't together!! Dad says you were always difficult and now I understand!" I hate you " and so on and so forth :..( Dad says this and dad says that....... But when I suggest he go live there if he does not like the rules in my home, he says "If I have to live with Daddy I will kill myself!" Hello?? Alarms!! 11 year olds should not think this let alone mutter these words..
His father called me an "f*^#ing idiot" when I kept my son home from one of his hockey games, because he had had an awful night sleeping and the game was at 7am (son had begged me to let him stay home, he did not feel well). Son heard his Dad's comments through the phone. Last week my son called me an "idiot".. I can see his father coming out in this dear sweet boy more and more..
His father is a classic misogynist. Has a negative view towards not just women either.. Even his own brother has expressed "I will not deal with him any more, can I send future presents to your house" This man does not have a good thing to say about anything or anyone. All friends we had as a couple no longer speak to him. He is totally pissed that he has to pay child support and blames me for all his short comings and debts. He is over 1500.00 in support arrears. He was out of work for 2 years and paid nothing. I pay all extra activities, hockey, swimming, piano, camps, soccer and including day care. My son sees how his dad treats me and does not like it. But at the same time will act that way when he wants to hurt me when I have had to put my foot down and discipline.
We are generally very happy, just son and me, but when lifes challenges arise he takes his fathers attitude to strike and hurt.
He is with dad every Wednesday night and every other weekend.
How on earth do I protect my son from becoming his fathers son??


Michelle - posted on 02/26/2013




Do you have any other male role models in his life? Maybe get someone he respects (preferably male) to sit down and discuss how women should be treated. Let them go off and have some boy time and have a chat about how he should respect everyone, including women, and how men aren't a superior species.


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Kristi - posted on 02/27/2013




*Have you had any sit downs with your son during down times about how to treat other people, how to treat you and other girls/women? Michelle's suggestion is excellent!
*Additional consequences when he disrespects you, especially when he calls you names, etc.
*Positive reenforcement when you notice him controlling his tongue. Additionally, if he says something special or has been extra helpful, point it out.
*Time to talk to an attorney about supervised visitation!! Personal experience...serious damage is being done and it is probably eating your son alive inside. The longer he is exposed to this environment, the harder it will be for your son to sort things out. Long story short, it boiled down to money for my daughter's father. As soon as I agreed to the state mandatory minimum, he was gone faster than the blink of an eye. She is an entirely new person. I've never seen her happier. She is so self confident now. She's not afraid "she's going to wake up one day nd find me in a pool of my own blood." Her anxiety and upset stomaches went away. She's out going, it's just fantastic to see her "reborn."

Good Luck! You will be in my thoughts and prayers. ♥

P.S.--Don't waste your time or energy trying to get through to your ex. You'll drive yourself nuts. As hard as it is, just blow him off. He's not going to change...ever.

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