Family drama!

Danielle - posted on 10/01/2010 ( 165 moms have responded )

778

25

110

Alrighty ladies,

This may take a while so start popping some corn.

I guess this story starts with myself agreeing to paint a mural on my moms wall. I was an illustration major so it was something I was comfortable doing. I had spent roughly a week painting their bathroom, sketching out the mural, and then of course filling in the blanks.

I was almost done, and because my husband had been watching our 2 year old son on his days off work and before his night shift so I could finish, I had asked my sister Joline to watch Jack (my son) for the afternoon at the house (I was painting) to give my sweet husband a break.

Anywho, everyone on my moms side of the family smokes. I am not talking like a little smoke here and there. I'm talking about 4 grown adults puffing back at least an accumulation of 8 cigarettes an hour, as well as chronic pot smoking. I have a very strong opinion about this issue and have in the past cut ties with my mother. We have an understanding that if they ever want us in their house with my son, that they need to stop smoking at least 4 hours before we come, having windows open, and fans on full blast. My mother knows how serious I am so they comply, and even when we do visit, it isn't for long.

Back to the topic. I was almost done the painting when my sister comes into the room and says that she is going to go get stoned so she wanted to bring my son downstairs and have him play in the basement, while they smoke their joint in the other room with the door closed.....UHH.. RIGHT!

So of course I said "No", then she proceeds to say that if I wanted to finish the painting I would have to come back then, because if I like it or not she is going to get stoned before she goes to work (and get this, as a teachers assistant!)

Of course, now I am pissed. Not only have I put in roughly a week of my own sweat, and time, but also my husbands. It seemed like a blatant disregard for our efforts to help them, and she cant return the favor by staying sober around my son. Not only that, but because I had been there for a week back and forth already; I wanted to get it done.

She starts rolling her eyes and huffing because I told her that if I don't get it done today then it wont get finished. I am tired of working on everyones else's schedule when I am doing them the favor.

They had only offered to watch Jack once since I've started and that was because I gave them the ultimatum that I will not come over to paint unless someone offers to help so my husband isn't watching our son all day then working all night.

Then of course my sister (who has severe anger problems) starts swearing and calls my bluff saying," Then leave, dont finish".

So of course I pack up my paints, and my sons stuff and among those items is a monkey harness that she had purchased as a gift for us earlier that morning. She sees that and then says "Wheres the box for that, Im returning it."" I don't care if your kid runs out in the street and gets hit by a car."

At this point I am livid. Not only does she have the gall to say that, but in the presence of my two year old son.

When my mother asked what happened I explained what happened and she tried to defend her!!!

She said that she is 21 years old and she can smoke pot if she wants, and that I shouldn't judge her.

I will not talk to my sister until she apologizes for the way she acted in front of my son, and especially for what she said.

Of course, my mother keeps saying that we are both to blame because I provoked her to say it by getting her angry.

Am I going crazy?! Am I the only person in the world to see how f*ed up that sounds?!?!

What do I do? Should I apologize?

I feel like smashing my head against the wall so it will make sense!

Would you tolerate this behavior? What would you do in this situation?



If you have anything advice please scroll through and keep up to date with the information I have provided.

MOST HELPFUL POSTS

Medic - posted on 10/01/2010

3,922

19

552

I would NOT appoligize....and your not insaine they are...its their loss. I don't believe the shes 21 and can smoke pot if she wants to is appropriate and I also feel that the parents of the children she is around high have every right to know that she is high. Wouldn't you want to know if someone in your sons class who is a figure of authority was jacked up on drugs? I would.

Rachel - posted on 10/01/2010

195

22

13

I wouldn't apologize. I wouldn't finish the painting either. And I wouldn't go back into that house ever again. Period. I'd say "If you want to see my son, we can meet at a park, a restaurant, or at my place." Somewhere where they are not allowed to smoke or act up. You really don't need them setting that kind of example for your child. Let your sister keep the monkey harness. No point in fighting over it.

Bree - posted on 10/01/2010

7

0

0

I think you need to consider cutting ties with all your family completely. Do you really want that influence anywhere near your son?

Kate CP - posted on 10/01/2010

8,942

36

758

Your sister shouldn't be getting stoned and then going to work AROUND CHILDREN. I'd be tempted to call the school she works at and report her. No, you shouldn't apologize. She's being a...well...a word I probably shouldn't use on this forum. She needs to grow up and realize the world doesn't revolve around her and that your son is young and needs strong role models. Your mother also needs to wise up. Yeesh. :(

[deleted account]

What would I do? Well... first I won't bring my kids in a home that is smoked in. Period.

I would not apologize. You haven't done anything wrong. If she would rather smoke pot than watch her nephew, she isn't a person I would choose to be around and most certainly wouldn't expose my kids to. Family or not.

This conversation has been closed to further comments

165 Comments

View replies by

Danielle - posted on 10/06/2010

778

25

110

Thank you all so much for your advice.
My mother called today and said that she agreed that there should have been no question or implication that she condoned smoking pot in the house. At the time this was happening my mother was working or else she would have been watching Jack.
Apparently my sister refuses to budge and apologize because I was being a brat, and the reason why she took the monkey harness was because she felt that I didn't appreciate her "help" when I got angry about her wanting to smoke pot.
Anyways.
*sigh*
Thank you all so much for your advice.
I think I will close this conversation having received many thoughtful suggestions.
I will try my best to distance myself more emotionally from my family, and do not expect their understanding as much as I did before.
As I had an agreement with my mother, I will finish the mural when I feel better about the whole situation which may not be for a little while. As for my sister I will wait for her to attempt to make contact with an apology.
Thank you so much again.
Danielle.

[deleted account]

You stand you ground and keep the child away from them. Second hand smoke kill's much more quickly than first hand smoke. It sounds to me like you need a family that loves you and your family is showing that it's clear to me that they only love them selves find friends that care about you and your family and say good by to your family for a while it may take them a while to realize that you mean what you say. The bunch of them need to grow up. Your sister needs to go to anger managment she was an idiot for saying that and until she say's she is sorry for what she said keep her away from your son there is no telling of what she is capable of. She should be reported to the school she is putting the children in danger. I'm surprised they can't smell it on her. There is so many other people that can take over the love giving to your son open your arms and welcome them them in.

Jo - posted on 10/06/2010

2

11

0

AS a teaching assistant! Wow!! You need to find someone else to watch your kids. This person is simply not reliable!!!

Laura - posted on 10/06/2010

1

5

0

sometimes it is best to love family from a distance.. i have loved mine this way for many years=) mostly because of alcoholism. but for other reasons as well. I am sorry that your family would have so little respect for you and your child as to treat you this way. maybe one day they will get it

Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

92

61

3

I am living with out a relationship with my sister by her choice. We have no control over other peoples decisions. But we can control how we choose to let them affect us.

Susan - posted on 10/06/2010

18

0

0

uh, no, do not apologize. You have nothing to apologize for and give them the idea that your sister's behavior was in any way appropriate or acceptable. You are totally in the right and while it may be painful to think of a future without your sister, it is her loss and not not yours.

Cindi - posted on 10/06/2010

7

7

0

Stay away from those people!!! Family or not, they are TOXIC!!! Keep your son away from them! Where was your mother when all of this was going on? Why isn't she helping with Jack/

Donna - posted on 10/06/2010

4

6

1

I cannot tell you what to do, but I can tell you what I would do. Since it appears that there is minimal effort on your family to do anything that will inconvience them. I would not finish the painting until they can accept the fact that I am doing them a favor by spending my time doing this painting. I would demand that my sister not only apologize, but get some help, but then again if my mother says she can do whatever she wants, then F_ _ K them all. Cut them off until the reality of the situation sets in with them. You have your own family to think about. They are grown folks. I cannot feel guilty about what people who are suppose to know right from wrong are doing. I have my own life and will live it without them if necessary. The LORD will forgive me.

[deleted account]

Don't appolpgize. You are right and if your mother can't see that, then she shouldn't be around your son. He is your only concern - do what's best for him!

Gloria - posted on 10/06/2010

0

0

0

You know what? I learned that even when what happen is not our fault, we have to appologise, is your decision if you want to do it, but one thing I wouldn"t do, is bring my kids around them, stay away from them, if they don"t have a respect they don"t deserve to have family like yours, live your life with your husband who looks is very patient, don"t destroy your family because of them. Just ignore them.

Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

92

61

3

I definitely would NOT apologize. But what purpose does it serve destroying the work you did in love. 2 wrongs will never make a right. Someone needs to be the adult in this situation. Obviously it would not be them.Vengence will not make you feel better. And if it does it would only b momentarily

Samantha - posted on 10/06/2010

9

22

0

There is no way in this world that I would apologize and you arent crazy. At two years old you son is starting to be influenced by the world around him. Not only that but if she can say stuff like that without being stoned then what was she going to say around him when she was. Your mom is trying to be neutral but in this situation your right. I'd refuse to go around until they apologised and even then id be wary. Its there loss.

Norma - posted on 10/06/2010

1

6

0

WOW! You are alot more tolerant then I would ever be. I would have done a few things...one get a can of one color paint, roll on the paint over the your unfinished mural or leave it undone. Tell my family that I will miss them horribly, thank my husband for supporting me for the week, call the 21 year olds employer (would you want someone who is stoned working with your child) highly recommend a drug test, or just report her to the employer. You owe no one an apology, just think they are alittle too old to still be getting high. It's tough when your family neither cares enough about themselves nor the people in their lives. Stay away from the losers who are still getting high. Expand your support system to make up for the lose of your family. They obviously don't respect either you or your husband. Trust me it is your sanity that is suffering right now, but you will feel alot better as soon as you do what you know is the right thing to do.

Vicki - posted on 10/06/2010

16

9

1

Smoking pot while looking after your son??? Is she nuts? and your mother DEFENDS her? Ridiculous!! I will not allow my son in a house with someone who smokes ...yes it may be their home but I care much more about my son's health! There are family I will not visit when my son is with me because they smoke. I'm not sure you will ever be able to make sense of your situation. If it were me I would not take him there anymore...if they want to see you and your family they can visit in your smoke free environment. There are people who are in denial of how harmful smoke is to a person let alone a 2 year old who does not have any choice weather to breath it in or not.
Good luck with whatever it is you decide to do :)

Pat - posted on 10/06/2010

5

20

0

Yes apologize... say " I'm sorry you guys are such Dope Heads that you care more about your toke than you do about caring for my child!" and then say "See ya, Don't want to Be ya!"..... Hand them the brush and let them finish their own wall... cut your losses and count your blessings... there is no rule that says "Honor thy toxic parents"... really!

Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

92

61

3

well it sounds like your mom is in the co-dependant relationship with your sis and stepdad. either that or she is using with them. it is really tough being in a relationship with someone who gets high on a daily basis. They have justified it to themselves that there is nothing wrong with it. They aren't drinking so what is the big deal...one day they will make it legal anyways!!! That is what they think to themselves. You just have to stay away and if they ask be upfront, stand your groud and tell them how you feel. That is all you can do. Yes if you want you can call the police,if you really want to. But most of all you can not support them in what they choose to do and hopefully one day they will realize what they are pushing away and destroying. They may not....But you have your husband and your kids.

Kelsey - posted on 10/06/2010

58

4

0

I would not apologize either!! if she wants to get high thats her perogitive but she needs to grow up and be a responsible adult!! I am 21 and I sure would NOT be smoking pot around my kid or any one elses for that matter...and I especially would never get high before going to work!! that is so irresponsible and immature! and your mother should not be making up excuses for Her! I wouldnt let those people around my child either

Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

92

61

3

I know when someone who smokes comes to my home, they go outside. Not that I have ever requested it. I guess it is just a common(or not so common) courtesy.My husband and I do not smoke Our 2 adult children do :( . My husband's mom and stepdad smoke and when they come here they go outside.

Gina - posted on 10/06/2010

85

27

1

I would call the police on all of them because marijuana is illegal unless you have a medical prescription for it. I would also call the school where your sister works because she is putting other people's children in danger by getting stoned before going to work. I know it is your family but a little tough love never hurt.

Dee - posted on 10/06/2010

7

5

0

Wow! First off, I can see why your sister (who gets stoned, operates a vehicle while stoned to get to work, where she then proceeds to teach other people's children also while stoned,) wouldn't understand why you would have a problem with her being stoned while caring for your son. Her car statement could also be explained by her total lack of understanding. I would be infuriated if I discovered that one of my children's teachers were under the influence of drugs or alcohol while caring for and teaching my children. In apologizing, you would be conveying to her that you don't see anything wrong with it either. So why would you ever go there to subject your child to the poisons that linger in the air there? Or the poisonous comments that are tolerated? I don't feel that you owe your sister an apology, and I really don't think it's realistic to expect she will apologize either. In the future, why not just let your family know they will have to visit you and your family at your house and make sure they know the rules regarding lighting up while there. My father-in-law smoked for years but when he was at our house, he knew that lighting up inside was totally out, and that I expected that he would be well away from the house when smoking outside. I found that trying to get him to respect my kids need for clean air was impossible to enforce while at his house. But my house? My rules!



It sounds like your sister and Mom have some real problems that go beyond just the smoking around your son. I hope they will get some counseling before someone is seriously harmed or killed by the self-centeredness.

Sara - posted on 10/06/2010

3

8

0

I would not apologize, thats my opion I am very hard headed and when it comes to my boys always about them no matter what. And if this was me which almost sounds like a problem i had. I could do it because in the long run its saves me the trouble of making up then down the line having it happen again either sooner or later when my son could understand. by far we do not leave in a prefect would but i feel it is my job to try to keep it prefect for them as long as I can until reality sneaks in. hopefully when they are older like teenages. just and opinion good luck to you.

[deleted account]

Me again. I think that you know deep inside that your family is not a good influence but you have tried and tried to stay involved. You have your own to look after. The comment that your sister said is unforgivable and hurtful- how can you NOT let that be a reason not to have contact again? I mean, my sister screamed at my son (he was 3) and shook her finger in his face and I vowed that she would never have that opportunity again and she hasn't (15 years). That in itself is reason enough to defend yourself; "how can I trust that it wouldn't happen again?" As for other family? I maintained a strained relationship with my mom; who didn't want us to fight ("How could you girls DO that to ME?"- yeah, right), asked how my sister was now and then, but never spoke to her directly again. Took me years to 'forgive' her in my own mind, but I never forgot. And if you do, then you'll sadly keep setting yourself, or worse- your son, up for more of her abuse. Good luck. Stay strong!

Marlene - posted on 10/06/2010

1

3

0

I would NOT apologize, NO way! I´m with you all the way with the smoking. I told my mom and my mother in law that they are not allowed to smoke if they want to hold my daughter. And pot, come on. I think your mom needs to stop defending your sister and. If I were you I would ask both of them to apologize to you for their behaivor. Its your sons health we are talking about here. And saying that in front of him, I cant even understand that she did that. She is 21 not 11. Good luck with everything!!!!

[deleted account]

Stop all contact with your sister. I had to do this myself but it is a major relief not to have to deal with her drama and 'meaness' ("Don't ever talk to me about your DEAD BEST FRIEND AGAIN." said out of pure malice). She also yelled at my son (again-similar anger problems) and she was never allowed back into my house or life again. And if Mom wants to support that; she can finish her own painting. I'm SERIOUS! Remove the drama and negativity- for the sake of you and your own family.

Jessica - posted on 10/06/2010

11

14

1

All I can think to say is "wow, that's f*cked up!" Do you have a good relationship with your husband's family? Because maybe it is time to cut ties with your family again and just move on...

Heather - posted on 10/06/2010

92

61

3

You just need to remove yourself and protect your family. They are your first priority.I am in a similar situation with my sister. To the point I have had to ask my kids ,all of whom ARE older, to block her on facebook. Because she does post hurtful things and I do not want them to be exposed to vindictfulness.

Debby - posted on 10/06/2010

1

16

0

Turn them in. Plan and simple. It's illegal and they are putting your son at risk. By NOT doing so you are condoning her behaviour.

Hannah - posted on 10/06/2010

32

17

0

Your sister is a druggie with a severe anger problem. Your mother is a co-dependent who is allowing your sister to get away with everything. Don't allow their manipulative ways get to you. Stand your ground, cut ties, don't allow your son to be influenced by them!

Elizabeth - posted on 10/06/2010

1

4

0

ok. number one is nice of you do do the mural for your mom. but you knew ahead of time how your family is. the best solution would have been since they must smoke and it is there home and they want the mural .. you could have told them that you would do the mural in exchange for them paying for you to have a babysitter with whom to leave your child that you knew would not be doing anykind of smoking around him. as for an apology? well it is said that it take s maore out of you for being angry. let you sister know exactly how you feel when you are not angry. as for your mom I don't know what to say. What I am getting to you should concentrate on your own child and your own piece of mind. Look at it as a bad experience not to be repeated and get on with your life because I get the feeling that no matter what you do your sister and your mother are not going to change. Be happy that you have a beautiful child and a talent - your art and a good husband and get on with your life without the polluted air at your moms.

Diane - posted on 10/06/2010

6

15

0

Your sister agreed to watch your son/her nephew for you to finish painting. She did not honor her agreement. You can be mean to mean, but I come unglued when someone(especially family) mistreats my children(in any way). Your Mother is an enabler and your sister obviously cares for no one but herself. I agree w/what Krista said, she will never apologize. I have a sister who actually thinks she has nothing to apologize for. Take my advice and put your family First and if they want to come visit, they would come to my house and I would not subject my child to even smelling the smoke that is in the furniture and the fact that pot is involved. They are going to do what they want to do, so protect your family and do what you want to do. Do Not depend on them to help you. If you want to finish the mural for your Mom, do it, but do not ask any of them to watch your son(hire a sitter). And then be done w/it. It would hurt me also(your Mom's reaction and blaming you) and I would talk w/her about it(w/out sister being there). I have to hold my sister w/an open hand and pray for her, because she is not going to change unless she chooses to. I would like to have a closer relationship w/her, but I can't. They will drain the life out of you if you let them . Like Krista said, I finally realized I had to change how I react to my sister. I don't feed into it. I wrote her a letter and let her know exactly how I felt and welcomed us talking about it(needless to say that didn't happen). And write the "Intervention" show for her and whoever else in your family has an addiction problem. She could lose her job, most employers do random drug tests.

Shannon - posted on 10/06/2010

215

78

33

Hey Danielle,

Stay strong I know exactly what you are going through except with my family it is alchol they can't live with out and my parents split up 5 years ago as the drinking got worse and i have 3 brother that i have no contact with because they are drink to much. 5 years ago when my parents split my hubby and I took our 5 children and let the province we moved from home in Ontario to Alberta to escape all the drama, for my kids sake. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do and it broke my heart and it still does when it comes to holidays and no one will come and see us. I don't think you are wrong b/c you are looking out for the wellfare of your child and there is nothing wrong with that you should be comended for having the stength to stay strong when your family turns on you.

keep strong and stick to your guns they were in the wrong and if they want any contact with you they will come to you if notr you raise your son and love your husband and that is all you need to do. Good luck with what ever you decide. I thought I did what I needed to for my family

Cassie - posted on 10/06/2010

2

13

0

You have no reason to apologize if you ask me! She was WRONG, They BOTH are wrong, NOT YOU! Your first priority is a wife and mother, and as sad as it may seem, I'd cut ties with them. We've had to do that with my inlaws. We don't speak to them at all, they have never met 2 of our children and our oldest doesn't even know them. So, I know it's sad, but it sounds like that would be best for your family (you, your husband and son). Maybe some day they will all grow up, but even if they dont, you're family will be blessed because you did whats right and you stood up for the safty of your family!!!!

Debbie - posted on 10/06/2010

1

11

0

First and foremost - Breathe!!!
Secondly - understand you have no power to change anybody else - you can only change yourself. You have a great dilemma because you love your family but disapprove of their actions - as do I. And you will continue to love them regardless of their actions - although as much as you love them you want them to stop. Okay - understood. But understand you can't change them.
So you have to determine what you can and cannot do. Frankly, I think the whole anger part is the biggest issue. Your sister was honest with you that she was going to smoke a joint and if you didn't like that you'd have to leave with your son. She was right. There was no need to get angry with that. The anger was over you trying to change her - and you can't. Now - I understand your anger - but when you step away from the situation a bit - the anger only gets in the way. Was she right to accept a job babysitting and then decide she can't live without a joint? Of course not. But that is where she is in her life right now. Hopefully, someday she moves past that.
As to the part about the comment. Totally out of line. To say such a hurtful thing in front of a two year old is horrible. But it was said and you can't change that. I suggest you talk to your son ASAP about how people sometimes say things they don't mean when they are angry - and they say them specifically to hurt others. It is hard to understand - but the damage to your son can be minimized.
As to what I would do in this situation - I would NEVER let my son go in there care. If you want to paint a mural for your mom - make sure you have other sitters - or simply say no. As long as they abide by the 4 hour no smoking rule and air out the place before a visit - keep visiting. As soon as they stop - then you stop. No anger required.
Good Luck. All is easier said then done.

Danielle - posted on 10/06/2010

778

25

110

I just want to thank everyone for their thoughtful responses.

I would just like to add that when reading through some of the post I read a lot of people suggesting loosing custody of my child, and that "it is their house and they could do what they want".

First, I wanted to say that we live in Canada. Pot isn't a big deal in terms of police enforcement. I would also like to remind people that I dont smoke, nor does my husband. Like I had said in previous posts we only visit them maybe once every four months or so. Child services would have no grounds to take away my son for visiting when they have no proof that it is continued at our home. Not only that, but because if they did a drug tox screen to prove any assumptions it would come up negative being that I dont smoke pot, or cigarettes for that matter.

Secondly, to the mothers who have suggested that "they have a right to do what they want" I cant refute that right.

Again, like I said in previous posts it was MUTUAL agreement between my mother and I that they would not smoke while we visited (which is not very often).

If it were an agreement they had not consented to, then of course I would not bring my son over!!

It angers me to no end, Brenda, that you would suggest that It was equal blame in this situation.

I resent the fact that you believe my mother is just "stuck in the middle" "listening to girls whining".

My sister wanted to smoke pot with my kid in the house! My mother had nothing to say to me!

As much as she wanted to be involved, or not, she is regardless because it was her mural I was painting. It is her house my sister is living under, and by not showing any sympathy she condones her behavior, her habits, and her actions.

I am not to blame!! I did not want my sister to smoke up when we had an agreement that it would not happen with us in the house. Because my sister could not respect that agreement and being under my mothers house it is up to her to enforce those rules or else she will not see her grandson! So yes, it does involve my mother!

I guess that means that she will have to endure some more "whining" if she wants to see my son, and this problem is resolved.

BethAnn - posted on 10/06/2010

59

22

3

I for one would be calling her place of employment and having them check if she has smoked pot before coming to work...If I found out that someone who was teaching or in way near my child had done any kind of drugs....I would be furious... She should be fired ...And if I were in your shoes, you probably should have never taken on the job. I will not allow my kids to be around smokers espcially homes...(they would stink so bad and kids are breathing that in) but drugs???? Never...I don't like my children around that or alcohol.... Stand your ground and protect your child...You are you protector of you child from that and the anger....

Tessa - posted on 10/06/2010

1

20

0

Wow! That was quite a bit, but needless to say...NO do not apologize. If you are doing someone a favor that is time consuming & need somone to watch your kid, it's only logical to ask the family member your doing the favor for. It's your choice to not smoke pot & have your child around it..point blank. Stick to your instincts & tell the pot smokers when they aren't stoned you'll discuss this with them. If they don't change & continue to be like that stay away. I learned a long time ago that just because they are family doesn't mean you have to cater to their needs or wants while sacrificing what you believe to be right. I use to give, give, give to my sister until I had enough. We have not talked for over a year & I'm fine w/that. Best of luck!!

Cheryl - posted on 10/06/2010

42

2

0

In my day, the issue was cigarette smoking and the affects it had on small children. In those days moms got a lot of heat for declaring their own homes smoke free environments so the could protect the health of their children. Your situation is not much different except the toxins of pot are worse that the toxins in cigarettes. Your plight is also compounded by the fact this is not your house. I see your problem as a relationship problem between you and your mother, your mother and your sister, and you and your sister. I see you as a young mother in the midst of a confusing disfunctional family, trying to react appropriately to an onslaught of irrational behaviors on many levels. I think you need to take a huge step backward and reassess your relationships. You may want to reconstruct your boundaries; for example visit at your home, visit in public places like parks or playgrounds. You need to protect your child from more than the pot. You need to protect your child from the mind set that illegal activities and disrespect of you and your family are alright. Be prepared to take a lot of flack, usually expressed as "sh thinks she's better than we are". Nothing worthwhile comes easily. You will need like minded people to help you through this. It is something that will smack again and again as you continue to raise your family up and above the confusion. God bless you on your journey, it is most difficult, but you will be so glad you stuck to you guns. P.Sm do nothing in anger as it will weaken your position and your resolve to do the right thing.

Kathryn - posted on 10/06/2010

1

7

0

I think the whole situation is horrible, you shouldn't feel the need to apologize for anything, you did nothing but protect your son from people who oviously don't care for him. They need to apologize, and I wouldn't go over to their house with your son anymore. Why expose him to such trash. If you ever do reconsile, they can come to your house where you can better control the situation. And don't put your self out there to do favors for people who just don't care. Your mother should not stand up for your sister she should have stood up for her grandson who is the child and helpless one in this whole situation. The fact that she didn't shows you her priorities.

Paula - posted on 10/06/2010

9

3

0

Give up. Stay way and get on with your life. These people are immature and won't change anytime soon. Keep it pleasant but keep your distance and get on with your life.

Claire - posted on 10/06/2010

25

1

3

Poor you and your son.....I am in a similar situation with my mum and sister but different issue. Its not easy an one. Cutting your family out is a hard decision and so emotional. I hope your mum sees sense soon!!!! Good luck

Dawn - posted on 10/06/2010

3

2

0

oh my gosh. Ok first of all we all have stuff that we can't stand that our families do. You should get an apology for everything you have done for them. But the question is how long are you willing to wait. Your sister sounds like she has no idea about giving except for when it benefits her. So you have to ask yourself will she ever be sorry? They have habits in their home that differ from you and your life. you will always be the outsider. I would call the school that your sister works for and report her. I would be beside myself as a parent knowing that someone under the influence of drugs is working with my child. I just think that is wrong on so many levels. The other thing to think about is if the authorities were ever contacted and they came there and you or your son were present well that would be a life time experience I'm sure you would not want to go through.
I guess when it comes down to it your going to have to let them know what you have decided is best for you and your family and if it is the littlest contact that you can have as possible for now, then they will have to except that until they decide they can live with out drugs in their life. It is hard when it doesn't seem like they care about anybody but themselves but maybe they will miss you and decide that family is more important. Hope this helps good luck to you.

Susan - posted on 10/06/2010

1

20

0

DO NOT APOLOGIZE!!! I would have never brought my kids around them knowing they are like that, until they change their ways I would not even speak to them. You owe them nothing, as far as your mom she should be ashamed of herself for even allowing your sister to act this way. 21 or not She is doing something illegal.

Fran - posted on 10/06/2010

69

19

2

after reading that i would have to say so much for the painting. they obviously do not care about your son's health and welfare. you shouldn't care about painting their wall. as for your sister getting stoned and working with children an anonymous call should be made to the school that requires drug testing. good luck

Jen - posted on 10/06/2010

9

8

0

I just want to add a couple of things. Wanda is definitely right about a mom being caught between her children and while you may not forget things that happen, always forgive and have faith and pray that family and friends will find a way out of their problems, especially your sister. She may need intervention. While some think it is okay to smoke pot, weed...whatever you want to call it...it is still an illegal drug, whether they can function properly and get on with their daily routine, or not. It can be an addiction and most often than naught, it does lead to the use of other more potent illegal drugs. =(



I lost my mother back in October of 2006 to Emphysema and COPD and I miss her dearly. There is not a day that goes by that I remember some things and think..wow...I could have done some things differently. My mom was always in the middle of me, my sister, my brother, and my nephew. It got crazy at times!! But always stand up for your beliefs and others around you...especially your family...should respect those beliefs. =)

[deleted account]

Danielle, What I would do is not finish the painting. Let them know that until they can show some respect for you and your son, you will not be coming over. Let them know that until your sister can appoligize for her reactions you want her no where around you or your child. It will take them a while to figure out that you are not bluffing. Do exactly what you say you are going to do," Do not give in" They will havr to look at an unfinished painting for weeks and maybe longer, but don't feel guilty and DO NOT GIVE IN! LOL!

Chaveevah - posted on 10/06/2010

3

1

0

I think that COMPLETELY cutting ties with ALL your family would be a case of throwing the baby out with the bathwater. It's not a case of 'either or', in my opinion. Your sister was out of line for not being able to curtail getting high long enough for you to finish the mural and your mother probably should have supported YOU instead of her, ie, you're doing her a good turn; but our folks are our folks, bad judgments, bad behaviors and all. I'd definitely consider myself and my needs first in the future, seeing as how they've made it clear that their wants and needs are first priority with them! That said, continue to deal with them and love them, just don't bend over backwards for them

Wanda - posted on 10/06/2010

1

0

0

First of all your sister reaction was due to her addiction for pot and needing her fix. Not that it is any excuse at all. How to handle the situation from here it difficult because it leaves you caught between your mom and your sister. I wonder what your mom is saying to your sister? God would want you to forgive your sister in heart. That does not mean you will need to have a relationhip with her, simply no ill feelings or bitterness...that may take some time. As far as your Mother I would simply say...the subject of your sister is off limits. You started a project for your mother and should finish. Mother's are always put in the middle of their children. Have anyone ever tried to get your sister help for this addiction? I wonder if she was reported for working while under the influence the school would be obligated to find a program to help her with this problem. Good luck and God Bless

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms