Far from a dead beat dad asking for advise...

Jason Lee - posted on 05/05/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




My child is nearly two and every since her mother and I found out I went into extremo stress mode. I didn't realize it at the time and I done the typical guy stuff...forced her away, ran from the relationship, and neglected her when she needed me most. I didn't run long just a few months and we got back together but we were having to live in my parents basement because I was stressing over money and penching pennies whereever I could. This took a huge toll on the relationship because not only did we not have the privacy a struggling couple should have I was also neglecting her and concentrating solely on my child and securing our future. To top it all off her reaction to this (or atleast the way she was treating the relationship) was to do nothing. I tried everything I knew to do I went as far as asking her to go to counceling. This helped a bit but even if in counceling she agreed to do something, like go to take a career path test or just go see the councelor by herself, she always set it up then wouldn't show. Eventually I left and she moved on. Thats where I'm at now. When I left all I thought she was just not the one. Now I realized through continueing counceling why everything went the way it did. I never stopped loving her I just wanted her to do anything to show me that I didn't have to do everything on my own. Shes now with someone else and says she's falling in love. She's given me 50/50 without court but every time she gave me more custody she seemed to become less and less of a mother... or atleast the mother she used to be. Now shes saying the most hurtful things to me and when we do go to mediation she explains how now that shes with the new guy she does all the things I always asked her to do (cook, clean, working more, she even takes care of her new place by mowing and stuff). Shes turning into the woman I've always wanted her to be but shes doing it because of someone else. Everything I read says to hold on and show her you love her but when I do that I die inside. Communication between us becomes impossible and I find myself not being able to be as good of a father when I have my little girl. Am i supposed to move on, hang on and find a way to deal with being alone, or what? And yes she's it. I go to the councelor every week just to make sure my pride doesn't get in the way of my decisions. She's gone though...I mean gone, done moved on, done commited herself to this new relationship.


Dove - posted on 05/05/2013




Move on and focus on your child. You left her and she got over it. LET her stay over it. So what if she became the woman you wanted after you left her? REAL love has no conditions and if you weren't willing to accept her as she was.... you only did her a favor by leaving her. Maybe she became the woman you wanted because the new guy let her be HERSELF... and she made those choices on her own instead of under pressure from a guy threatening to leave her if she didn't become the woman he wanted.

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