Father now wants 50/50 since i filed support.

Dothsukk - posted on 07/27/2018 ( 4 moms have responded )

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Ill try and keep it short. When i was pregnant he didn't want me to keep the baby. Went out and got a Girlfriend when I was 3 months pregnant. Didn't tell her or his Family until i was 8 months pregnant. Wasn't there for her birth, nothing. His father died shortly after our daughter was born and never knew about her. (his health was already on a downward spiral and they decided not to tell him).
After she was born he did a paternity test and of course she was his. I went to court and they set child support at 530. He told me he couldn't afford it as he was still living at his moms and was helping her pay for her things after his dad passed away. I didn't want to make anything more stressful for his family as i wanted a good relationship with them so i agreed to opt out of court and agreed to him giving me 250 a month instead.

fast forward 2 years. We have been doing the same schedule for 2 and half years. He works nights (cop) and said on 2 of the days he has off during the days he needed sleep and couldn't watch her. I switched my schedule at work to accommodate his. My sister and mother have helped us by watching her on the two days he couldn't so, we didn't have to pay for a day care.

Things were getting tight so i asked for 50 to 100 more a month and he told me he couldn't afford it, then bought a 175000 house and another car. I didn't say anything at that point cause i don't want to be petty. I paid for a swim class we agreed to that he had to take her everyother Wednesday for 30 min. He never took her once on his Wednesday. HE DID take her once but said he couldn't stay and get it with her as "he had other things to do" so i had to rush after work get there and go in with her and then drive her 25 minutes away to drop her back off because it was his day.

after that i got mad and said I'm not gonna shuck out all the money for these things when you don't take her. I refiled for modification in child support and when he foind out he now wants 50/50. He is asking for a lot of nights even though he works nights but, says his girlfriend can watch her. I don't want this to happen cause NIGHTS are my time with her as i work during the day. This is why i wanted him to have her during the day and me at night. ( i understand that support is based of nights but i would be willing to compromise that since he would have her more). The schedule he wants would basically give me 4 days every 2 weeks! AND he is requesting to claim her EACH year for taxes!
we have done this schedule for 2 years, he is saying that it isn't good for her to jump between my house, her grandparents house, and her aunts house. BUT the reason she is there is cause he said he needed sleep so my family offered to watch her those days so he could sleep and we don't have to pay day care!
I'm nervous since he is basically trying to take my daughter! He gets her once overnight a week and then every other weekend (Friday to sunday) and has never once asked to have her more. He is only doing this to avoid the raise in child support and trying to make me look like a bad mom for having her around my family so much.

I'm freaking out cause he is a cop in the county we are going to court in and that he will twist this . has anyone else been in similar circumstance. will a judge see what everyone else sees that he is only doing this cause he doesn't wanna pay support.

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Dothsukk - posted on 09/05/2018

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UPDATE:

We had mediation last week, it went how I figured it would go and hoped. Her father did get basically called out on how it looked to the court, and that it seemed like he was just trying to avoid support and not doing this for the right reasons. He also did get sorta called out on his communication issue he has with me, as i had proof of him not responding to things he should of. We did agree on vacation and holiday time so that was simple, but now we just have to wait to see what the mediator recommends us doing. I'm hoping the schedule we have stays the same with him maybe getting her for a FULL weekend (Friday through sunday) on his weekend.

Meghan - posted on 08/16/2018

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Kylie,

My heart goes out to you! My situation has many similarities (my daughter’s father broke up with me when she was five weeks old and I had to find a place to live while on limited income while he put an offer in on a home the next day. He says he can’t afford toys/clothes/furniture for her yet he buys himself expensive things and goes on vacations). He barely saw our daughter until I had a legal parenting plan made. Now he does the bare minimum BUT threatens to take more time with her whenever he is angry or wants his way. I also used to compromise with him and be overly kind. I’m not telling you this to make your post about me! I just want you to know I can completely relate!!

My advice is to set boundaries and stick to them. Document any and all communication. Document your child’s behavior when she returns from visiting him. Document what you send with her for visitation. The court should rule in favor of what is best for the child. If you and your family have been her primary caregivers that trumps him. I would think any judge would not agree to him having more time when that time would actually be spent with his girlfriend, not him. Get yourself a good lawyer. Your ex is going to try to manipulate and bully you to get what he wants. Document any and all threats. He may try to make you look like a bad mom, but unless you are in fact a bad mom (which doesn’t seem to be the case) the court will see the truth.

You have every right to request more support and if he is financially capable of providing that then his attempts to avoid that responsibility will be evident. Let him dig his own grave with his actions. You should just focus on documenting facts and not reacting.

My heart hurts for you because I know how scary it is for someone to threaten taking your time away from your baby that you have given your life to while the father has been his only priority. Focus on the fact that you are an amazing mother and that things can work out.

Hugs! Xoxo

Beth - posted on 07/29/2018

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Kylie -

Sweetie, you need a lawyer. If you knew me, you'd know I'd be the last one to recommend one. However, in this case, you need someone who knows and understands the law, can give you an objective appraisal of your situation, and advocate for you in court. You have to be VERY VERY clear, that the settlement your lawyer is advocating is what you want. It might not be what you get. Courts can be hard to predict. But once you get a judgement, don't back down and DO NOT COMPROMISE. Insist that you get what was agreed. I understand he's a cop so maybe more comfortable in court and maybe he knows people there. But it works both ways. This man will NOT want his employer to know about him shirking on child support, and he won't want his wages garnished. He'll yell and threaten, but when you have him by the balls, surely his heart and mind will follow.

And don't worry too much about losing custody. You've been your daughters reliable parent for 2+ years. Your lawyer should be able to make that point on your behalf.

Good Luck
Beth

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