Feeling guilty about asking for more $$$

Sharon - posted on 11/03/2015 ( 2 moms have responded )




I'll try to stick to the facts as much as possible. I had my child at 17, father was 18. Things didn't work out and 3 years later I packed up and moved out of state where my parents lived. I'll call my son's father Dad to keep his tit'll short. Dad was preoccupied by fraternity life and took 6 years to graduate. I went to school as well and raised our son. Dad took me to court out of spite since i moved but ended up having to pay me child support. And here's some juicy gossip for ya... he served me papers when I went back to visit him because he stated he wanted his family back. We literally had sex and I woke up at his apartment to a man who served me papers! Still I spent $7000 in attorneys fees and he had no plans of following the child support outlined in the establishment.

Fast forward a few years later, still little financial support from Dad... emotional and physical support non-existent. Dad wants to be an attorney and states he cant work and go to school. I practicaly begged on certain occasions for help with a utility bill in place of the full child support. Always the same reply... i aint got it. After a while i stopped crying and started working my butt off to make a good future for my son. I often worked 2 jobs, gave plasma, and took random cleaning jobs to make ends meet while trying to get a degree. Dad and I got along a lot better since I stopped crying about money. It was nice to co-parent without the drama.

Son is now 12 and I landed a great job as a marketing director at a law firm. Money is decent but im in so much credit card debt from the years before trying to pay bills without the adequate income. I've always waited for income tax and then spent every cent to pay down the credit cards just to use them again to make up for the lack of support.

This past summer Dad actually kept son for a majority of his visitation. Normally he sends him off with grandma who lives 6 hours away. He paid his child support for the first time on time and in the actual amount for the past 4 months. Is he now trying to be a good dad? Did he finally get a job?

Did some investigating and learned he has been an attorney in Atlanta for almost a year! Where was the other 6 months of child support? Googled his law firm and learned that a first year associate makes $$$. I asked if he planned to increase his child support and he flipped stating that he now has to pay back student loans and can't help me out. Fact: he lives in an expensive neighborhood and owns 2 cars-1being a Benz. Please understand that what I get, if I get it it, is the amount established when he worked at Burger King 9 years ago. But because he started paying that amount on time for just the past 4 months - he's now the good guy. He has asked me to prove in receipts that I need more money. I tried to be fair and asked him for $700 to keep us out of court. He than stated he wanted custody since I was having such a difficult time.

Is life easy... no. But I live in a clean home and my bills are paid. My son has no idea of our financial difficulty because I dont want him to feel bad. But thank God he hasnt started asking for name brand clothes! Dad won't agree to the $700 and I'm debating on getting the child support amended through the AG. By state law he would be required to pay me close to 1400/month. He could lose his license to practice if he doesn't comply. His mother and my current boyfriend think 700 is being greedy since i make good money too. NO ONE including my parents know I wracked up a good amount of debt because I keep a smile on my face aND basically faked it till I made it. Even my father who is really good-hearted, has found empathy in Dad's story about the hardships of paying off student loans. I know it's expensive... I'm still paying them! I feel like everyone around me thinks I'm trying to bank off my ex-the now attorney. I can't help but feel guilty. He owes over 14000 in back pay. I admit that I was waiting for him to be an attorney so he would have the means to pay up and I could finally see something left from my own paycheck. I have family members asking for help because they think I have money in the bank... I've only been with my job for 2.5 years and Im still playing catch up.

I'm trying to buy a house so my son can finally live in one neighborhood instead of jumping from one lease to another. I've been preapproved with the conditions of bringing my credit cards down. How can I do that when Dad is sometimey with child support but yet I'm still responsible for flying my son and myself to SC in the summer to visit dad. That's $1000 right there...

I'm tired... and at this point I just want to be able to enjoy the fruits of my own labor. I don't live lavishly, heck I refuse to pay for cable. I just want to pay the debt off that was created by dad's lack of support. Asking for 700 wouldn't boost things up enough for me to even get a routine manicure. 700 is only half of what the state would require and am I wrong to go to the AG if refuses to pay that? Should there be a waiting period for him to get on his feet as a young attorney? Why do I care so much about Dad's quality of life if I go to the AG? He certainly didn't care about us all these years as I slaved away trying to keep my head above water.

I need advice please.


Raye - posted on 11/04/2015




Every father is financially responsible for his child. Take it back to court to get the support orders changed to reflect the current situation. You're not being greedy. You're trying to provide for your family. Custody and child support are two separate things, however, he can file for 50/50 or primary custody to try to reduce the amount he owes. It doesn't mean he will be granted additional custody, but he can petition the court for it and could end up with more parenting time. he will learn, however, that he is still responsible for any support the court grants, in addition to whatever expenses the child has while in his care.


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