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feelings hurt by stepson

Raye - posted on 03/28/2019 ( 1 mom has responded )




My youngest stepchild, Drew, has his spring break this week. Both his bio parents have to work, so it's up to the steps to be home with him. I'm currently not working, and his stepdad is currently not working (except a makeshift home business he tries to do). So here's the thing... I tried to fill Drew's days that are scheduled as his father's days (Mon-Wed and Fri) with activities that he enjoys, and after all my effort so far, he said it "wasn't worth it" to be with me on Friday. Ouch!

Unfortunately, Drew's neighborhood friends in our area couldn't or wouldn't play outside with him. Many "fun" places have not been open during the day, or he decided was too boring with only me and him (roller skating, bowling, etc.). So, I tried the best I could (neglecting most the things I needed to do around the house) to fill every moment of these days with enjoyable activities, making him the foods he likes, playing games, throwing the football, going to the park, watching a movie he was excited about, etc. And I was repaid by him saying he didn't want to come back Friday during the day as "there's no point" to him being here with me.

For a little perspective about his mom's house: he spends every other weekend at his mom's house, and Drew just recently found out that she's actually home on Saturdays and not at work... because she has not been spending any time with the kids for at least half of her visitation time. Drew's stepdad just kicked out one of Drew's step-brothers due to bad behavior, because there's no structure or discipline there. Drew's mom and step-dad have a 1-y/o baby that the kids are often roped into caring for because the parents don't want to do it. No adult there is willing to spend the time and effort on the kids as my husband and I have tried to do. They also live at a fair distance from any neighbors, so there's not any other kids nearby to play with except his troublesome step-brother(s).

I know he's 11 and kids that age say hurtful things sometimes not knowing how much they hurt. I know that playing with his step-brother might be more fun than his stepmom. Logically I know this, but it still hurts that my time and effort isn't appreciated in the slightest. I have sacrificed so much over the past 6 years for kids that aren't even mine, 1000% more effort than they get from their mother's side. I know one day in their twenties or thirties they may wake up and realize this, but it's so hard to stay positive when they seem to take everything for granted. And I get to try to do it all over again with my step-daughter next week for her spring break.

I'm really just venting, and don't know if you guys have any helpful advice other than to keep doing what I think is best for them, that it'll work out in the long run... it just seems the long run is sooo long of a wait.


Lika - posted on 05/07/2019




My turn to vent.
To COM, why has no mother responded in other a month? Probably because no one has seen it, until me now, and only because I went to the home page, which I rarely do.

Not much I can add to what you wrote. Just to pick up on a point. he is not your son, so likely he sees you as, "not his mother", nothing personal.
If he wants to find his own fun, let him. Your job is to just keep him safe. The difficulty you are having is one of the reasons why I decided not to go further when dating men with children - I didn't want the stress and hassle of someone else's kids, (got enough of that through work.)

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