Filing Child support-should you file C.S. alone or with Custody at the same time? Also is it better for a mom who has almost equal time (1 day more) with the father to file for joint or shared custody? Which one benefits the mom and child more? thanks!

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013 ( 8 moms have responded )

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I'm wondering if i should file child support alone by itself or should I go ahead and beat him to the punch and file for custody at the same time. My sister told me that I should file child support and custody at the same time to get it out the way being that we all know my kids dad is going to file custody as retaliation anyway.

but a friend of mine who has went through this suggests just filing child support only and let him go ahead and do his custody retaliation. I want to do the smart thing just not sure what.

Right now we don't have legal custody but "joint custody" but I have her 1 day more which makes me primary custodial parent and an attorney affirmed that to me. So I looked it up and their is shared custody and joint custody and I am not sure which one I should file for. I believe shared would work better for me. I do know that even if the father has joint custody he may still be ordered to pay child support. I looked online and one article said that a parent shouldn't go in asking for joint because it may look like they dont think they can be primary parent?? i was like what the heck?



So my questions are:

1. Have any of you ladies ever filed for child support and custody at the same time? Was it a good thing to do-did it benefit you? How to know if you should just file child support and deal with custody later? Do the courts automatically make you file (I was told they do later that's why I should just file child support and I know child support case and custody are two separate entities)-Should i just go in and file for support only or do both at the same time.

2. I can't file for sole custody because my dd has been with him almost equally for 7 years and I know she doesnt want that to change and I know that it would be best for her. So I'm thinking joint or shared. In my situation is it better to file for Joint or shared?

I know its lengthy my bad I just want to do what would benefit me and dd. Thanks ladies and Happy Saturday!

8 Comments

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LalaBoom - posted on 11/21/2013

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I'm a little late but I hope I can still help.

I work in the legal system so I know a thing or two.

Filing for custody and CS is not the same thing. Once you file for each, they will be two separate cases. Also, custody is two-fold: Physical and Legal.

2. You only have one day more than your ex, so I suggest "split custody" as the best option- but only if you live in the same school district. The rationale behind "primary" or "sole" custody is based on school registration purposes, and so that kids can have a "main" address when they register for anything (doctors, school, counseling, extra-curriculars, etc). If you do not file for split custody, then I suggest "primary" or "sole" custody only because this will give you veto power in case you and your ex cannot agree on something.

1. The courts don't "make you file" per se. Especially if you or father can show them that father has been supporting kids financially without problems. But if your ex does not want to support his kids financially, the you should go for CS. The courts CAN "punish" you for not filing and can "order" you to file, if they find that your refusal to file puts the kids at risk of ending up needing state help (food stamps, welfare, etc.).

I hope I asnwered some of your questions. As I always tell parents, if you can do it outside the courts (i.e., no abuse, reasonably friendly relationship with ex, etc)- keep it outside the courts. You, your ex, and your kid[s] will do better without. Your ex may all of a sudden be a "jerk" in your eyes, but this is the man YOU chose to have kids with. Don't simply abuse the power of "mom" that you have, remember he is just as important as you are to that child, and THAT is what benefits child and mom most.

Cheers!

Nicole - posted on 05/07/2013

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Custody and placement are two different things. You will obviously have joint custody because you are both legally able to make decisions. But joint placement determines the time of physical placement in each home. One extra day with you would still be considered shared/joint placement in our court. I would personally be prepared for him to fight for more time because he will try to avoid paying child support. You might want to get the placement order written up as it is first with no threat of child support. Just under the guise that its for legal purposes, then return and do child support. He would have to prove a change in circumstance to legally take you to change the placement again. It should be fairly easy to do in mediation if you decide to just put in writing what you are already doing.

Amy - posted on 05/04/2013

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I didn't read the other responses but I filed for both at the same time. We are going ti be doing joint custody rather than sole custody. Even though its joint custody the kids primary residence will be with me. More than likely I will still have the kids the majority of the time because my oldest is in school and we will not be in the same town. However mine is an ongoing case so who know how it will really end. With joint custody it doesn't necessarily mean its 50/50 access although majority of the time it is, but it also means that decisions regarding the child will be made together and the other parent will be made aware of all parent teacher conferences, doctors appointments, ect.

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013

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Thank you Dove,

I do want to do the right thing and my first mind said joint custody. and you are right most courts usually want to go in that direction. His income is significantly higher a lot higher. You really pointed out that a judge may not look at me poorly because I want joint because thats what my D is used to. You were very helpful. Thanks again!

Denise - posted on 05/04/2013

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Thank you Evelyn, I am going to file both at the same time. You gave some really good points and to your comment about my attitude, I am thinking about my daughter that's why I wouldn't file for sole custody. Also, I do know its not about me and I don't want her relationship to change with her dad or their time together. But to be quite honest I do want it to be in my favor who wouldn't if their going to court? Seriously. I could care less about him. You're right about putting the child in the middle. I won't at all. It's hard enough on her already. Many blessings!

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