For those of you that spank your kids...

Kelsey - posted on 01/25/2010 ( 315 moms have responded )

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Please help me understand why...

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Mel - posted on 01/25/2010

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some do yeah theres nothing we can do about it. and Kelsey look at the old days. We had te cane in schools. Look at our kids today compared to in the old days when physical punishment was used. Now because everything is considered abuse apart from smacking with your hand , it means our kids run a muck and turn into teenagers that steal and do horrible things. I dont want that for my child. So thats my reasoning. But I dont believe in smacking all the time, it would just make the child a very unhappy one

User - posted on 01/25/2010

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The only way spanking works is to talk to your kids before and after. you have to let them know why you are punishing them. Time outs never worked at my house. my son would just look at you and say make me..When my son is in his teens and someone tries to get him to so something wrong I hope he thinks about what mommys gonna do when she finds out..Not think well all I will get is a timeout lets smoke some dope..

Catrina - posted on 01/25/2010

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Because I can only give my child so many time-outs for catapulting off the top bunk onto the toddler bed in one day without losing my mind. My kids don't listen to time-outs or most other forms of discipline, they know I mean business when I swat their butt for something. But to be fair, I don't swat butts on kids under 4 years old unless they do something dangerous (like running off in a parking lot) and even once they hit that magic age, I keep it to a minimum. I like to exhaust all other options first because I was physically abused as a kid and I am attempting to break the cycle with my own kids.

Melissa - posted on 01/25/2010

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I was spanked when I was a child. I do not hate my parents for it nor do I resent them. That was how they choose to disipline me and my siblings. I have a 7 year old boy and I think I have only spanked him once. I would slap his had when he would go near the electrical outlets, not hard but hard enough so he knew not to go near there. I believe in the time out method. The only time I spanked my son was when he was probably about 18 - 20 months old. He was starting to go up the stairs to the pool deck. And I think that is very serious because he could drown. So, I spanked hin and he never did it again. I think, for me, to spank my child it has to be something really serious. Like going up pool stairs or running into the street, ect. I do not think it is bad to spank your child if you do it for disipline and do not get frustrated and out of control. Some parents get out of control and really end up hurting there child more than they intended. This is just my opinion though. Hope this helps.

[deleted account]

There is a HUGE difference between spanking and abuse. That is what many young parents try to say "It is abuse". I certainly know the difference as I was beat as was my oldest child by a man I married when I was young. All 15 of our children had spankings on their little rear ends. We have raised 15 awesome children. They are all very respectful, happily married (the ones that are married), and none have been in trouble with the law. If they were resentful or if spankings didn't work I think it would be a different story.

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Gwen - posted on 01/28/2010

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I tried it once or twice, because nothing else worked, time out didn't have any effect on my son. Although come to find out there were deeper issues and we ended up taking him to therapy to help how to deal with things so we didn't have to spank him.

Kylee - posted on 01/28/2010

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I personally am a spanker...only when needed. I try talking, time out, taking away priveledges..everything else first. When all else fails they will get a tap on the behind. I do not put my hands on them when I am angry though. I try to elude the problem before it gets that far. I do not see anything wrong with spanking. People says it depends on the parent but I personally believe it depends on the child. Not all forms of discipline work for every child. For instance, My 3 year old is completely bull headed and stubborn and nothing works short of sitting her down in my lap and holding her still. My five year old on the other hand likes to sit still so time out is fun time for her.

Now there was one instance in my local walmart that proves how today's society needs to mind their own business and let parents take care of their children. I was in walmart with my husband and 2 children. My youngest was trying everything to get her way. She was running off, climbing under the cart where she can get hurt everything. So I reached down and tapped her on her thigh. Not even hard enough to make a sound just enough to get her to look at me and some stranger butted in and told me to leave the child abuse at home. I could not see how it was her business what I did with my child.I did not hurt her, my daughter didn't even act affected except she turned to see what I wanted. That is when strangers take it too far.

Now you do have some parents who take spanking too far and just go straight to that and viciously as well. That is not discipline, that is abuse.

Brandy - posted on 01/28/2010

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i was spanked as a child i will say that every time i got spanked i deserved it! when my husband or i punish our 16 month old daughter we do it to fit "the crime" we have spanked her yes when she did something to be needing of a spanking. My husband was abused as a child so we kno that there is a fine line between disipline and abuse most of the time tho she gets a NO! about 3 times then if she keeps doing it she gets a smack on the hand if she continues its nap time! or we put her in her room by her self in a sort of a time out i guess you would call it ive always gone by wat the bible says "spare the rod spoil the child"

Gina - posted on 01/28/2010

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A spanking is a physical consequence saved for punishment. Every child is different, and different punishments work for different children. For some children a grounding or time out even, is eternal and a spanking is almost preferable because it is over quickly. It should not ever be the result of a parents anger. That is abuse. But, a swat on the butt, when the action is so consequential as to need it, is an immediate, unforgettable lesson. Life in prison is a physical consequence because your movement, choices, and family connections are dictated or removed. Getting shot when you rob someone, is a physical consequence. Getting hit by a car when you run in the road is a physical consequence. Not eating because you can't hold a job is a physical consequence. I think the trick is a lot of parents can not control their temper or spank out of anger and frustration. When that happens the child becomes a scapegoat and those parents need alternative forms of punishment. It is a choice parents should make together and really consider if it is even, if ever warranted. Each of my children has had one or two spankings in their lives. I avoid it and usually rely on incentive awards, groundings or loss of priveledges. These work in most instances.

Jessica - posted on 01/28/2010

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Some people think it is a good form of discipline, and if they do it then their kids will listen to them. But I don't spank. I feel that only teaches violence, and since kids usually will copy their parents, if we hit them they will just hit us or others. There are many better ways to discipline your kids, such as time-out, taking away priveledges, etc.

[deleted account]

There is a difference in spaking when appropriate and beating just for the hell of it. you are acting like they are one and the same. we got spankings when we were little when we did something very wrong or acted very bad and we turned out just fine. i don't feel that it taught me violence=violence. when the action deserves a spanking it it fine.

Angela - posted on 01/28/2010

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I beleave that the crime should fit the punishment. I think there is a time for spanking and a time for other formes of punishment. I also think women have a harder time with disaplen. I know all my husband has to do is give a firm look and say a couple of words and the kids are in line but I have had to give a couple of swats to get to that stage with our children. I love my children very much but sometimes timeout just dosen't work and a swat does. Also I had a few swats in my day and it didn't hurt me,I think part of our childrens problems today is that parents aren't allowed to spank them and they know it.I have heard kids tell there parents this. Now I also don't think parents should beat their children, you have to have control of yourself befor you are going to spank your kids. There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating.

Angela - posted on 01/28/2010

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I beleave that the crime should fit the punishment. I think there is a time for spanking and a time for other formes of punishment. I also think women have a harder time with disaplen. I know all my husband has to do is give a firm look and say a couple of words and the kids are in line but I have had to give a couple of swats to get to that stage with our children. I love my children very much but sometimes timeout just dosen't work and a swat does. Also I had a few swats in my day and it didn't hurt me,I think part of our childrens problems today is that parents aren't allowed to spank them and they know it.I have heard kids tell there parents this. Now I also don't think parents should beat their children, you have to have control of yourself befor you are going to spank your kids. There is a fine line between a spanking and a beating.

Michele - posted on 01/28/2010

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My first answer would be....Because the bible say's, " Spare the rod, spoil the child. " I think as with everything in life...it needs to be done in moderation, but I DO absolutely believe in spanking. I have had six kids, all of them were spanked to a degree. And to this day, I still believe it saved my childrens life in some ways. IE: walking into the street, touching electrical outlets, etc. I didn't spank to hurt as my dad used to say, I spanked to get attention. And it did just that. And by the way....... all six of my children grew up to be very possitive, productive and loving adults.

Shachema - posted on 01/28/2010

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I am a firm believer in spanking but only when it is needed. I have a 3 point system 1st I talk, 2nd I may take something away like TV or games etc. if you continue to repeat the same behavior that means the other methods aren't working and a spanking is in order. However you have to look at things like age, and situations but its like this spank now or they will spank you later. And if that doesn't happen and your child does something wrong they could go to prison or even worse. My mother spanked me and my sister and we are both grateful ( we've discussed this when we were older of course) I can only remember 1 time that I got a spanking I didn't deserve it was the one time I was innocent but there so many things I didn't get in trouble for that I should have so I'm cool.

[deleted account]

I spanked my kids and they are 34 and 31 now and they turned out to be very respectful and great people. I cannot STAND "Time Out". I can't stand to see a partent trying reason with a two year old. I only spanked them probably two or three times the whole time they were growing up and the only time I did was when it was something that they did that was really bad and they needed to remember never to do it again. Once was when my daughter crossed the road when she was 5 and had her two year old brother in tow. She never forgot that she does not do that. The threat was always there and they were never BEATEN! When you try to reason with your kids it shows weakness. When they want to know why it is because you said so. End of story! You are the boss and they need to listen to you. It is a fact of life. They need to respect you and you need to be respectful of them also by listening to them and loving them. You love them by disciplining them and also by hugging them. It takes both to raise a child.

Jaime - posted on 01/28/2010

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They don't have respect....it's called fear! Two completely different things. And this generation is not a result of no discipline. It is a result of electronic babysitting and the blurred line between parenting and friendship. You can set rules, limits, and consequences without smacking a person a 1/3 your size.

Jaime - posted on 01/28/2010

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I am a child and adolescent therapist and I can tell you why I don't spank.....because it simply does not work. If you want to get their attention, speak at their level. People spank because it's satisfying to them, but it is not discipline. Discipline means "to teach". When you spank, you are teaching that if you are bigger and stronger, you can get what you want by inflicting pain. Such as a parent does. A parent WANTS compliance, control...doesn't get it and instead of understanding why or implenting a more positive intervention, they resort to spanking out of frustration, hurt pride, and lack of resources. I love the parents that say "I slapped his hand for hitting his brother"..think about that for a moment. I was spanked growing up and all it taught me was fear for my parents (not respect) and how to hide things better and not get caught.

Dawn - posted on 01/28/2010

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After reading a bit more I do want to add that I think spanking is often times used incorrectly by people; I can not stand to see people grabbing their child by the arm in public and swatting their butt repeatedly all the while screaming at them. I also think that verbal and emotional forms of punishment are more often overlooked but play a much more significant role in a persons' growth into adulthood.



I also gained a greater idea of your meaning behind your question, so I apologize for being so blunt in the beginning of my response... I am personally thankful for your post...I like to read all the banter!!!

Wendi - posted on 01/28/2010

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commen childhood mistakes? A child is told "do not run into the road" Most will try it anyway. what method is most effictive in getting through? What happens when "time out does not work and they do it anyway Let me see spank or allow child to run in the road.

I am sorry but children are going to push limits..Look around at the generation that has come out of this spanking is abuse crap. I agree there is overboard situations, but Kids have to understand "if you are in trouble it is serious" How serious is time out? . most people make choices based on what will be the worst thing that will happen. Even my 21 month old grandson . Mama will let him by with more so he does waht he wants to. but daddy means business so he doesn't push it..
Spare the Rod.
Point blank discipline Your child. They have more respect for you when you do. The role of parent is hard, but you are teaching them punishment= sit in the corner or time out. Fact the Punishment for not listening can cause death. How? swimming pools, Roads, going with strangers, Not lisitening can be worse the the swat on the butt.
Punishment for not following God,, Well you should know that answer. what is a swat in any of those situations?

Dawn - posted on 01/28/2010

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Your question is inviting all those who spank their children to tell you why they do; you should have stated your question differently if you were looking for ideas on how to disipline your child other than spanking.....



With that said, I don't spank my child...yet. He is only 11 months, so besides a occasional tap on the hand, we use positive reinforcement. When he understands consequences, he will be spanked as I was, using similar steps as posted by Tammy. I was spanked maybe a dozen or so times in my life (I was a bit independant!) for major offenses such as lying and outright and/or repeated disobedience. I was always explained why, given 1 whip of the belt (another for refusing) and was loved after....I was probrably 8 years old when I was last spanked. I feel I grew up to be a responsible woman, and now a great mother. I do also believe in other methods for less serious misbehaviors, you shouldn't be too quick with the hand, but time-outs, and taking things away have a limit to their effectiveness in my opinion.

Celissa - posted on 01/28/2010

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I typically only spank my children, or punish them physically when they do something that is dangerous or that could potentially cause harm to them. The idea is to scare the crap out of them so they won't do again (i.e running out into the street, touching the stove, playing with a knife etc...)

Kaitlin - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think there is a huge difference between spanking and hitting. I think some people get these mixed up.

Tammy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Study: Spanked Children May Grow Up to Be Happier, More Successful
Monday, January 04, 2010

"Young children spanked by their parents may grow up to be happier and more successful than those who have never been hit, a study has found.

According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.

But children who continued to be spanked into adolescence showed clear behavioral problems.

Children’s groups and lawmakers in the UK have tried several times to have physical chastisement by parents outlawed, the Times of London reported. They claim it is a form of abuse that causes long-term harm to children and say banning it would send a clear signal that violence is unacceptable.

However, Marjorie Gunnoe, professor of psychology at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, said her study showed there was insufficient evidence to deny parents the freedom to choose how they discipline their children.

“The claims made for not spanking children fail to hold up. They are not consistent with the data,” said Gunnoe. “I think of spanking as a dangerous tool, but there are times when there is a job big enough for a dangerous tool. You just don’t use it for all your jobs.”

Research into the effects of spanking was previously hampered by the inability to find enough children who had never been spanked, given its past cultural acceptability.

But Gunnoe’s work drew on a study of 2,600 people, about a quarter of whom had never been physically chastised"

Trisha - posted on 01/28/2010

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Krista, you're right that Jesus is sweet, but you're wrong about the Bible. Who says Adam and Eve only had two children? So brother married sister? Yes- Insest was not forbidden until later. Nothing in that book has been found to be error- what a shame more people don't read it to get answers to their needs!

Tammy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Study: Spanked Children May Grow Up to Be Happier, More Successful

Monday, January 04, 2010



"Young children spanked by their parents may grow up to be happier and more successful than those who have never been hit, a study has found.



According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.



But children who continued to be spanked into adolescence showed clear behavioral problems.



Children’s groups and lawmakers in the UK have tried several times to have physical chastisement by parents outlawed, the Times of London reported. They claim it is a form of abuse that causes long-term harm to children and say banning it would send a clear signal that violence is unacceptable.



However, Marjorie Gunnoe, professor of psychology at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, said her study showed there was insufficient evidence to deny parents the freedom to choose how they discipline their children.



“The claims made for not spanking children fail to hold up. They are not consistent with the data,” said Gunnoe. “I think of spanking as a dangerous tool, but there are times when there is a job big enough for a dangerous tool. You just don’t use it for all your jobs.”



Research into the effects of spanking was previously hampered by the inability to find enough children who had never been spanked, given its past cultural acceptability.



But Gunnoe’s work drew on a study of 2,600 people, about a quarter of whom had never been physically chastised"



.

[deleted account]

I don't feel it is okay to be rude and if you knew your bible you would know that before the law was given to Moses that insest was not wrong and if you knew your bible you would know that Adam and Eve had sons and daughters, and please don't cuss at me, I am not offended that you do not believe but don't get mad that I do. This lady was asking for opinions and not for people to get mad because they don't respect what others say

Tammy - posted on 01/28/2010

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Study: Spanked Children May Grow Up to Be Happier, More Successful

Monday, January 04, 2010



"Young children spanked by their parents may grow up to be happier and more successful than those who have never been hit, a study has found.



According to the research, children spanked up to the age of 6 were likely as teenagers to perform better at school and were more likely to carry out volunteer work and to want to go to college than their peers who had never been physically disciplined.



But children who continued to be spanked into adolescence showed clear behavioral problems.



Children’s groups and lawmakers in the UK have tried several times to have physical chastisement by parents outlawed, the Times of London reported. They claim it is a form of abuse that causes long-term harm to children and say banning it would send a clear signal that violence is unacceptable.



However, Marjorie Gunnoe, professor of psychology at Calvin College in Grand Rapids, Michigan, said her study showed there was insufficient evidence to deny parents the freedom to choose how they discipline their children.



“The claims made for not spanking children fail to hold up. They are not consistent with the data,” said Gunnoe. “I think of spanking as a dangerous tool, but there are times when there is a job big enough for a dangerous tool. You just don’t use it for all your jobs.”



Research into the effects of spanking was previously hampered by the inability to find enough children who had never been spanked, given its past cultural acceptability.



But Gunnoe’s work drew on a study of 2,600 people, about a quarter of whom had never been physically chastised"



I have four sons and a daughter ages 30-23. They are all amazing adults. My daughter did not need to be spanked as often as my youngest son. She listened and was compliant he was stong willed and defiant. Even today he has challenges with authority esp when he knows that they are wrong--but because he was spanked he does not "spout off" but finds respectful ways to disagree.

Spanking teaches respect--and when you look at America today we have big issues with lack of respect.

Spanking also is helpful with the guilt issues. When children do wrong they experience guilt. When they are not punished they live with that guilt until it becomes a "normal" feeling for them. When they are spanked they know that they have recieved what they deserve and they are freed from guilt. Many criminals have no sense of guilt because they have never been punished. Children who are spanked are often happier healthier children because they are free from guilt

Here are the steps that we used in my family.

1. Make your instructions clear. You should not spank unless you first clearly tell the child what the expectation is. "If you hit your brother again, I will spank you."

2. There are (almost) NO second chances, if you said that you would spank--then you MUST spank.

3 There should be a "spanking place" in your home. You go to that private place for the discipline-it should be a place that they associate with discipline. "You go to Mom's room and bend over the chair right now!"

4. You spank with a "rod". Your hands should be associated with love--they should "hate" the stick. I used a wooden spoon.

5. You ask the child if they know why they are getting spanked. You need to be sure that they know exactly why. "I told you not to hit your brother again and you disobeyed me."

6. You tell the child how many swats they will get and why. "I will give you one swat for disobeying me when you hit you brother when I told you not to and two swats for arguing with me when I told you to go bend over the chair.

7. Remind the child that if their hands get in the way it will hurt much more.

8. Aim well and place the swats right on the buttocks. It should STING! but not be too hard so hit quickly. (Try it on your leg a few times in private until you can swat a hard stingy swat without too much power behind it. Do that periodcally so that you remember how much it hurts.)

9. LET THE CHILD CRY and hug him while he does. It is OK if you are crying too. 10. Remind the child that you don't like to spank him. Tell him that you know that he is growing up to be a "wonderful man of God" or "an amazing Mommy" or a "great Fireman who knows how to follow instructions" or whatever it is for that child. Be sure that they know that you have GREAT faith in them--that you know that they can follow instructions and behave.

11. Pray with them that God would help them to listen and behave.

12. Tell them exactly what to do to make restitution. "You need to tell me that your are sorry that you disobeyed and you need to tell your brother that you are sorry that you hurt him."

Then follow through and make sure that it happens. I also required the one who was recieving the "I'm sorry" to offer forgiveness.

This seems like a big ordeal--and it is. If you follow if carefully and spank so that it stings you won't have to spank very often and you won't have to argue with you children.

On a side note--I also believe in mercy--occasionally I sent a child to bend over the chair--they went without argument--I waited a few minutes while they anticipated the spanking--then I did all the other steps but instead of spanking them I told them. "I am so proud of the way that you followed my instructions--you came back to the room and bent over without arguing or slamming the door. You KNOW what you did was wrong don't you? If I get a yes answer then I would say "This time I am not going to spank you--I am going to give you another chance, because I beleive that you really want to do what is right". Remember this is occasional, esp. at first when you say that you will spank then you MUST follow through and not give 1-10 more chances.

[deleted account]

what do you do when the child is disobeying? if you only use positive reinforcement? Positive reinforcement is just that, to reinforce positive behavior. You do need to discipline children and every child is different. Some times the only thing left is to give a spanking and I do spank mine depending on the circumstance but we also have a chore bucket, time out, grounding, writing lines all kinds of things. Children need to learn there is a negative reaction to negative behavior so i do not believe that there is a such thing a positive discipline. And also the Bible states that if you love you child you will show them discipline and it also say to spare the rod and you spoil the child. NEVER spank when you are angry or frustrated that defeats the purpose and teaches violence but if you spank the right way then you and your kids will be better for it but you have to get creative in your discipline to find what works for you and your child but it is better to teach her now that if she does wrong there is a consequence then when she gets older and starts to make decisions away from you she will think if i do this there is trouble. Not just well i do this and i get a lecture so hey that's not so bad.

Krista - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think all capitals is needed in this instance.



DO NOT QUOTE THE BIBLE FOR BULL SHIT LIKE THIS BECAUSE THE BIBLE ALSO STATES THAT INCEST IS WRONG AND YET, WHERE THE HELL DID WE ALL COME FROM? ADAM AND EVE BEGOT CAIN AND ABEL........WHO THE HELL DID CAIN AND ABEL HAVE SEX WITH?!?!?!



Thank you.

[deleted account]

what do you do when the child is disobeying? if you only use positive reinforcement? Positive reinforcement is just that, to reinforce positive behavior. You do need to discipline children and every child is different. Some times the only thing left is to give a spanking and I do spank mine depending on the circumstance but we also have a chore bucket, time out, grounding, writing lines all kinds of things. Children need to learn there is a negative reaction to negative behavior so i do not believe that there is a such thing a positive discipline. And also the Bible states that if you love you child you will show them discipline and it also say to spare the rod and you spoil the child. NEVER spank when you are angry or frustrated that defeats the purpose and teaches violence but if you spank the right way then you and your kids will be better for it but you have to get creative in your discipline to find what works for you and your child but it is better to teach her now that if she does wrong there is a consequence then when she gets older and starts to make decisions away from you she will think if i do this there is trouble. Not just well i do this and i get a lecture so hey that's not so bad.

LeAnna - posted on 01/28/2010

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There's "spanking" and then there's "beating"...I don't feel it's appropriate to spank more than once (one smack) and especially in public. The parents I see who do that are pretty much out of control. In my book, spanking should be reserved for 1)open disobedience and 2) when there is a safety/danger situation. It is an attention-getter and distractor from whatever the inappropriate behavior is. That said, one firm smack on the behind should be enough.

Donna - posted on 01/28/2010

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I don't whip my children, but a quick smack of my hand like a towel on their back side is rare, but it's happened. BUT only if it's gone to an extreme or a quick shock. For example, my son decided to use some new words that he learned in school on his brother and it sounded like a sewer mouth spewing out loud across the house! I warned him 3 times to stop but as the day progressed and it didn't die down all together I walked pasted him as he began to spew and gave him a quick flick of the hand across his behind and it shocked him...no words were spewed again. It's more the shock factor. BTW...he's 10. Also, I wasn't mad or frustrated, I just have my limits and rules. 3x's warning and there is some type of end result. He was also grounded from electronics for 3 days because it took me 3xs to get the result I was looking for. I have 2 boys and they are really good boys, but quite active, so a quick snap now and again puts them in line quickly.

Tracey - posted on 01/28/2010

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Thanks, Kelly. That's funny that you mentioned that book. I've read _How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen..._ and really liked it. It made me take a look at some of my own behaviors, attitudes, and disciplinary style (e.g., trying not to yell when the kids do something to drive me nuts). I find that if I pause and take a look at the situation, my kids are usually trying to communicate something to me that may not be so obvious. All behavior is communication.

[deleted account]

Actually it says, SPARE the rod, spoil the child. In other words, not spanking could make them a spoiled child.

Dorenda - posted on 01/28/2010

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There is a difference between an spanking and a beating. When I was growing up in the 50's along with my brother and sister, we were spanked on the butt if we were being punished for something we knew to be wrong. Were we ever given a beaten, no. We would get a back hand across the mouth for sassing and when we were teenagers, we got priviledges taken away. Like the Friday night dance, going to the movies, or a sleepover. Back in those days, respect for parents, other people's property and how you behaved in public were of the upmost importance. Did any of the three of us turn out to be a vilolent person, no. My brother has been in law enforncment for over thirty years, my sister has been a waitress for 25 yrs and I have worked in retail for 40 yrs. I see kids now a days that have no respect, need to be disicplined, are rude, distructive and just plain unruly, would a spanking benefit them, no doubt in my mind. Does a spanking hurt, only the person's pride that receives it. Does it work, you bet. A smack on the butt gets their attention and they know they've done something they should have not done. I am NOT for hitting a kid anywhere else but on the butt. I see parents that count to their kids, most of the kids don't respond because they know their parents are not going to do anything.

I raised two daughters and they got spanked when they needed it, did they turn out alright, you bet and now they have children. Their children get disciplined by timeouts, toys or TV time taken away from them, or sent to their rooms (which I also did with mine) and if it really is something that warrants a spanking, they get that too. Kids nowadays beat up teachers, bus drivers or someone just for fun sometimes. Maybe if they were diciplined when they were younger, we'd have less of that kinds of violence and more respectful kids. But that's how the modern day world has become. Thats my opinion and how I feel about the subject.

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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but the question originally was, "for those of you who spank your kids....please help me understand why"....if you want to hear from folks who don't, post another question/topic...

Kelly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I agree Tracey... everyone has their own ways to discipline their children but it would be nice to hear some ideas that other mothers have had success with other then spanking for us moms that are looking for an alternative. I suggest you read the book, " How to Talk so Your Kids Will Listen and How to Listen so Your Kids Will Talk"... Awsome book and has done wonders with my sons. I

Tracey - posted on 01/28/2010

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With all due respect to everyone who has posted, I'd really like to hear from more moms who choose not to spank. In my opinion, spanking teaches kids that "might makes right" and teaches kids to solve their problems with violence. There is plenty of aggression in the world, and I'd like to teach my kids to solve their problems in other ways. That's not to say that kids don't need to be taught safe boundaries and limits, but I choose not to spank.

Shirley - posted on 01/28/2010

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Since this court case is over I can talk about it. I went threw jury selection for a trial of a 14 year old girl who was slapped by her mother. First of all this was an isolated case the mother stated this was the only time sher had ever touched her daughter. It was on the face and it left a red mark. The girl parents were divorcing and she started an arguement with the mother and started cursing at her. We as a jury selection process were asked a series of questions. Several of the parents admitted to spanking there children but only as correction for wrong doing. One man told the mother that she missed the boat by not spanking her child when she was young. I will have to agree with him , i know a family who doesnt spank and there children are disrespectfull because they know they can do what ever they want and nothing will happen. And if that was my daughter she would have gotten a smack in the mouth from me also. My children are very well behaved , and yes i spanked them when they were smaller. I want to express that there is a difference between spanking and child abuse. To me spanking is a couple of swats on the rear with your hand not with a belt of paddle or what ever you can grab in your moment of anger.

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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when I was younger, my parents had a paddle and they used it whenever we got out of line. I do not feel as if I was abused and geberally the paddle worked for us. I do not agree so much with using belts, however, spanking is ok. I think so many people have such a problem with spanking because of the ones who take spanking too far....unfortunately, there are alot of parents out there who DO abuse their children and take spanking way too far. I don't worry about what other people think if I spank my child, I know my children are not abused and never will be. I use time out first, and when that doesn't stop the behavior, the spanking usually does. My oldest gets quite mouthy and yes, I have smacked him in the mouth or on his cheek. Shortly thereafter, he generally apologizes for his foul mouth and everything is fine. And just for future reference, there are NO laws in the USA that say you cannot "spank" your child on their butt.....

Anakins Grandma - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think it has to do somewhat with how you were brought up. If you were spanked as a child, chances are you will probably spank your kids. There is definitely a difference between spanking and abusing. Some people don't know when to stop. We used to get 3 swats on the BUTT. a

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2010

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A few people have pointed out that when adults are having a bad day, no one spanks them, and that is something to think about, but children are not adults. If it were a straight forward comparison, we would fine children hundreds of dollars for running in the road, put them in jail for biting at preschool, and make them rent a carpet cleaner and clean up their own spilt milk. I try other methods, but there were times when my incredibly verbal daughter would not shut her mouth or leave me alone and she was smacked or dragged off to her room. When she was calm, I would tell her what I would have done if she was an adult friend- kick her out of my house and tell her not to come back.

[deleted account]

There is a difference between spanking and beating a child. My father only spanked me 2 or 3 times in my life. I never forgot those times, nor did I ever repeat the offense. Sometimes spanking is the only way to get a point across to a child. Each child is different, most do not require spankings. This should be handled on a case by case basis. You have to know you child and what type of discipline is best for that child. Never spank a child when you are angry.

Jennifer - posted on 01/28/2010

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All I need to add to this conversation is that there is a distinct difference between givng your child a smack on the butt and beating him/her!

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I spank and I was spanked. I'm a normal, sane person. My son still loves me. What I haven't read here is look at the kids today!!!! "Oh my kid is 8 and he/she beats me up"...."my daughter is 12 and has been having sex and might be pregnant"... WHAT? It never used to be like this I mean I'm not saying it didn't happen but I think on a more rare occasion. I too only spank when necessary and he mostly get time outs. I think people are scared to spank they're kids anymore because some people that don't at all see it as abuse. I don't mean everyone that doesn't spank sees it that way but some do! I'm tired of being in a store and asking my son over and over and over to stop... touching stuff, screaming, running away...etc. Just taking him outta the store won't work cause he didn't wanna be there in the first place. So what do I do spank his butt (not beat the crap outta him) and then I got a hand full of ppl giving me dirty nasty looks while they're kids are running around like crazy children. IDK thats just my 2 cents.

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I spank and I was spanked. I'm a normal, sane person. My son still loves me. What I haven't read here is look at the kids today!!!! "Oh my kid is 8 and he/she beats me up"...."my daughter is 12 and has been having sex and might be pregnant"... WHAT? It never used to be like this I mean I'm not saying it didn't happen but I think on a more rare occasion. I too only spank when necessary and he mostly get time outs. I think people are scared to spank they're kids anymore because some people that don't at all see it as abuse. I don't mean everyone that doesn't spank sees it that way but some do! I'm tired of being in a store and asking my son over and over and over to stop... touching stuff, screaming, running away...etc. Just taking him outta the store won't work cause he didn't wanna be there in the first place. So what do I do spank his butt (not beat the crap outta him) and then I got a hand full of ppl giving me dirty nasty looks while they're kids are running around like crazy children. IDK thats just my 2 cents.

Gill - posted on 01/28/2010

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I think you have a conflict of birth signs... research yours and your little girls...you might find some help along the way if you understand what makes her tick.. remember you are the adult...she is the child... she will learn in time that you are to be listened to.. if you can ignore her sometimes
gill...

Cynthia (CINDY) - posted on 01/28/2010

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I've raised two sets of children 36 and33 (if he were still with us). 20 and 21 years olds I think I raised them more or less the same. I felt if when they were young and got a spanking (once or twice) then all I needed to do was threaten to give one and I got the results I needed and if I didn't get results fast enough then I brought out the belt and hit the wall with it. BUT we should never punish when we our selves are angry...also we should stand for the whole punishment and not let off easy SO don't make it too hard on your self....To finish a punishment like writing 10-100 times 'I will not do this or that" no dinner...they will not starve! I actually like to talk to my children about things it just makes your relationship better for life...But what do you do with a daughter that is rude and sassy at 30+ years old. I'd like to slap her but she is now an adult so I just don't talk to her or see her...I miss her because sometimes she is a good daughter, but where does she think she can disrespect me? It isn't just her mouth but she has thrown, pushed, and hit me...so something is really wrong....and I don't remember ever hitting her not even as a child???

Kimberly - posted on 01/28/2010

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I spank and I was spanked. I'm a normal, sane person. My son still loves me. What I haven't read here is look at the kids today!!!! "Oh my kid is 8 and he/she beats me up"...."my daughter is 12 and has been having sex and might be pregnant"... WHAT? It never used to be like this I mean I'm not saying it didn't happen but I think on a more rare occasion. I too only spank when necessary and he mostly get time outs. I think people are scared to spank they're kids anymore because some people that don't at all see it as abuse. I don't mean everyone that doesn't spank sees it that way but some do! I'm tired of being in a store and asking my son over and over and over to stop... touching stuff, screaming, running away...etc. Just taking him outta the store won't work cause he didn't wanna be there in the first place. So what do I do spank his butt (not beat the crap outta him) and then I got a hand full of ppl giving me dirty nasty looks while they're kids are running around like crazy children. IDK thats just my 2 cents.

Gill - posted on 01/28/2010

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As i have got older i reolised that it was my lack of patience and understanding that made me hit out, as a young mum who was dealing with grief and a toddler at the time.

I look back and really regret the times i hit my son... although only on a few occassions...I believe it has not had a lasting effect although losing his father probably did more harm to both of us.

He is 19 now and has oodles of repect for me as i have him.

Please dont beat your self up over why... everyone deals differently with circumstances.

I have an 11 year old and i have never ever laid a finger on him, and he has no father figure iether.

Angelica - posted on 01/28/2010

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Adrian, i disagree with you about the whole queen thing. She should be treated as a princess, yes - however the princess needs to know who the queen is and by all rights that is you. 20 months - yeah that's a tough time. they don't get the whole NO thing and it does take alot of time and effort. You may have to put your hand on her while shes' in her high chair to keep her down... she'll get mad and scream maybe but you don't let her up until she stops kicking and screaming. my kid wouldn't sit in a time out chair or on the wall.. i had to literally sit there and keep her down til she quit fighting. it sucked cuz it was like putting yourself in time out cuz i had to sit there with her and keep her down... Your not a bad mom and your not failing and my kids are far from perfect... :)

Nydia - posted on 01/28/2010

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I believe in LOVING your child to the point that there is no confusion about it. I believe in explaining rules and consequences explicitly and rigidity. I believe in smacking a behind when a child has crossed the line. I also believe in talking about what the child did and what can be done differently. I have spanked my children ages 6 and 15 maybe a total of 5 times respectively. As a parent, you have to be very careful that children understand the difference between a spank and a beating. While I don't necessarily think that spanking is great, it is not as harmful as berating your child in anger is. Kelsey spanking is not the only form of abuse. Keep that in mind.

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