four year old is disrespectful.

[deleted account] ( 75 moms have responded )

Okay,
My step son isn't always bad, but it seems like here lately he's gotten very disrespectful.. Since he's not mine I don't spank him often. I don't unless its really bad, like a couple weeks ago he knowingly kicked me in the eye with his shoes on, and i spanked him.
All I can really do is put him in the corner, or take his toys from him.. But hes not getting it. He's so rude. He pitches a fit for no reason, screams and cries all the time.. His dad is a good man, and good dad. But every time he cones back from his moms its like he gets worse. I don't know what to do..

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Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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Brandy I can't speak for everyone one this site but I can say that even at my age(45) I still can learn things about parenting. I have a 4 year old and a 2 1/2 year old, helped with my nieces and nephews(17 in total) and worked in Pre-school/Day care for 15 plus years and I am still learning things about children and parenting and am more than willing to take GOOD advice any place I can get it. I think any parent, regardless of age, that says they don't need help or advice is lying to themselves and not doing what is in the best interest of their child. Just for the record my children are very well behaved for the most part. Yes we have had meltdowns and power struggles along with the typical toddler issues but they are good girls that listen, have manners and respect people.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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I am not sure why you are telling me to shut up but this is a free country and I am still allowed to voice my opinion. I don't think anyone ever said this post was about you, you are the one who got defensive about everything any one wrote that did not agree with you. If you don't need help and seem to know everything there is to know about raising kids what are you doing on a site for parents looking for information? And you know the difference between shit and what?

Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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Wow, I guess I was missing out on all the fun.

Brandy, the other ladies are right about learning as you go. If you think you know everything, you are sadly mistaken, and doing yourself and your child a disservice. Now, I don't consider spanking to be the same as a slap across the face. But, if you take a violent approach to discipline, it COULD be teaching the child to resort to violence as a problem solving method. Will ALL kids turn out that way... no. But each child is different, and each parent is different, so there's an infinite variation of ways that the kids could turn out. And you don't know if one little thing that you didn't mean to be hurtful might trigger a child to become a completely different person and start shooting people from bell towers. Children don't always know the intent behind your actions and something you do could scar them emotionally the rest of their lives (or put them in therapy for years).

Don't take what we are saying as a personal assault. It isn't. We're trying to give you a different perspective, to make you think.

Trisha - posted on 04/14/2015

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Chana, I would agree. Physical punishment is not allowed in my home. That is a rule I implemented as the step-mom for my own husband... He is not allowed to hit his own son. It was not a discipline thing and was closer to abuse than discipline, so I put a quick stop to that.

I can tell you right now that attempting to find effective punishments for my stepson was very difficult after that - but we managed. Consistency is key.

Violence is not an accepted method of expression in my home, and I don't encourage it - even if my parents resorted to those means.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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Brandi you are the only one here not making sense. Regardless if you can it "whooping", "hitting" "spanking" it is all the same thing. It makes no difference how you look at it, it is still hitting and in the end it all comes down to the fact that she hit a child that was not hers. If someone else punished my children aside from me, their dad, a teacher or grandparent I too would be upset.

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Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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"I might be 18 but atleast I know the difference between shit."

What an interesting hobby.....

That's all I've got. Have a great day :)

Raye - posted on 04/14/2015

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Brandy,
I don't have any children of my own, but I'm step-mom to 2 kids. I would not lay a hand on them, because it is my husband's role as the natural parent to discipline his children. He does spank them on occasion, and I would probably also spank my kids if they really did something bad.

You were asking who would spank unclothed? My mom spanked us kids bare-bottom with the dog leash. Granted, we were being disrespectful... we laughed at her for spanking us by hand (clothed) and said it didn't hurt. She changed to the dog leash, and we started padding our pants so it wouldn't hurt. Then that's why she went pants-down, to make sure we didn't have padding and got the full effect of the punishment. I don't think I would ever go that far with my kids. Because, as the other moms have said, the spanking becomes ineffective at that point.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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And Raye what's your opinion about popping a child on the butt? Clothed of course.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Alright chana can shut the hell up I do take in options but not from people like y'all. Y'all are literally stupid to think that this post is about me because it isn't I might be 18 but atleast I know the difference between shit. And this is over someone else if I needed help with raising my kid I damn sure wouldn't bring it on this site.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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I haven't been on here for a few days I thought maybe we got rid of her all together! She does keep it entertaining even when she irritates me to the point of needed to reply to her.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Sarah, this isn't my post I know how I'm going to discipline my son, this post was another girl whooping her stepson that she had permission to whoop. But everyone is saying I'm wrong bc I would whoop my kid but its not like I haven't mentioned corner and timeouts. So anyone vlcan down me if they want I dont need help raising my son I've done a heck of a good job so far. But I dont like when people pretty much say its like hitting a kid when they get whooped no its not its popping your kid on the diaper. Or whatever.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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I dont need to change anything but yeah I do know about parenting. I know about step parenting, And I know about whooping kids so there be it. I'm done on this conversation thou.

Trisha - posted on 04/14/2015

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Okay everyone...:) This is getting out of hand... I am pretty sure we can stop now...

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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I'm a mother live on my own work and out of school and were perfect! & my parents did their job obviously. I did everything they ever wanted but wanna talk shit about how my parents raised me?

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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I'm not saying there isn't other ways but I'm am saying your not a bad parent if you simply whoop your kids for doing wrong.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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I have been to South Carolina many times and it is a beautiful state with a lot of really nice people but Brandy you are giving anyone that reads this a bad representation of SC with you name calling and negative attitude. We are simply saying that there are more effective ways to discipline a child that do not involve hitting. I can understand the step mom being upset enough to spank her step son but that does not mean that hitting him for kicking her is the best solution. Regardless of how you look at it or say it two wrongs don't make a right!

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Its not wrong to whoop a kid idc who has a problem its not wrong at all 90% of parents whoop their children.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Because I'm 18 and I still think its ok to whoop a kid & of course on the butt with clothes on who undresses their kid to whoop them?

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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OK Brandy(sorry about the misspelling), I never said I whooped my kids, first of all that is not a word I use that came from you. I said I was spanked as a child and that was acceptable at the time. I also said I have tapped my children, (and they are both girls so I don't know where you got that I said "I whooped him") on the hand or bottom(fully clothed) to get their attention and it did not even leave a pink mark. I use time outs and taking things away that is what we do in my house. I know that in some areas it is still perfectly acceptable to spank, whoop, hit(whatever you want to call it) a child but there are many more areas where it is considered assault so be aware how and where you are disciplining your child.

I am curious why you said the following "I'm not old at all". If you are going to call old then just do it. It doesn't bother me, I know I was older when I had my GIRLS but I wouldn't have it any other way. It has made me a better parent.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Great, I have no problem with where you live, but calling people fucking idiots because they consider hitting and spanking to be the same thing, because by official definition they actually are, I do take issue with. So please, educate yourself at a more international/global level before you decide to call people fucking idiots.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Alright I'm not gonna waste my day arguing with YOU. You're irrelevant to me I dont even know you. & I'm from South CarolinaCarolina. We say y'all down here. (:

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Actually, noone has said that she is beating her husband's child. They have simply suggested that hitting him for hitting is not a way to teach him not to hit. And that hitting and spanking are the same thing. And that as a step parent, it isn't her place to hit the child. The only person in this conversation who has used the term abuse is you.

Sure, some have used the term assault. Not sure if "y'all" realise this is an international forum and there are places in the world other than wherever it is "y'all" live, but "y'all" might want to recognise that in some places, this would actually be considered assault.

And no, not all of us were hit by our parents. Just saying.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Alright y'all are going to far y'all act like she's beating the kid y'all need to quit the criticismcriticism. Y'all been whooped by halls parents is that bad is that ungodly thing to do? Y'all dont put y'all parents down by putting her down for whooping a kid & even trying to put me down because that's a way of discipline? Haha

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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In fact, if you want to get right down to it, having step children (I have 2 in addition to my 2 biological children) has TAUGHT me to be much more creative in discipline in my home, because you have to be consistent with ALL children (not different consequences for your own children and the step children), so it has been a challenge in itself. Believe me, I have had to deal with some real challenges and I have done all of that without hitting the kids, so it is absolutely possible and it does not equal undisciplined and unruly children, I assure you. What it DOES create, however, is a very positive relationship with your children and a great deal of mutual respect.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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No I'm not a step mom I made sure I wouldn't be a step mom. She plainly said the real mom and real dad gave her permission so I dont see anything wrong with it & my names brandy. & btw chana so you hit your kid? You said you've whooped him since y'all are classifying it as the same you hit your kids?

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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It doesn't matter it should even be said that way. Its used incorrect. Nobody on these post I'm sure "hits/abuses" their kids but giving a child a whooping for something they did wrong I believe is fine youre a mother do what you would like idc, I'm a mother & I'll do what I choose to discipline my son rather its spanking, corner, or timeout. Everyone is different with how they raise their children. & just because back then people whooped their kids I see people walking around up town & they'll whoop there kids. Its a part of life its still around I'm not old at all & I got whooped every now & again.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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No, it isn't different when you are step mother. I am a step mother (and have been for 12 years) and I would never have hit my step kids, ever. It isn't different at all. Yes, I do discipline and hold them to a standard in my home, but I would never hit them. That's just crossing a line that isn't my right to cross.

But I guess you are a step parent and know it all there too.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Its her stepson the real mom & real father wouldn't leave their kid with her if they thought she was abusing him. Some People let other people whoop their kids when they are watching their kids. I mean I wouldn't even let my mom or my husbands mom whoop my kid but its different when your the step mom and you can't discipline the child no other way.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Whooping is hitting. Read the definition of hit, spank, strike. It is a form of hitting. Argue semantics all you like, it's still hitting.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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And hitting a kid as the consequence for a kid who is hitting and being violent is teaching nothing except that hitting is ok.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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And ima whoop my kid to when he gets old enough but Jodi is saying its wrong to whoop a child its like hitting? No whooping a hitting a child is two totally different things I dont care about it anymore I'm not gonna waste my day arguing with people that dont wanna make sense.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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No what y'all are trying to say is its wrong to whoop kids no its not wrong I'm just trying to let Shanna know its okay for her to whoop a kid when she has permission for one. I dont care how y'all raise halls kids like I've said millions of times I'm not trying to help you or jodi . I'm helping Shanna when everyone else is trying to down her for whooping a kid that kicked her in the face, broke her nose and she had to get stitches for it. Yeah some things wrong there right? K

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Just for the record, no I haven't "whooped" my children. No need. There are so many other things we can do as parents that are far more effective long term. But by all means, hit your kids if you choose. If it's not illegal where you are, that's your prerogative.

And please look up the definition of "hit". It really is the same meaning. Allow me to elaborate:

Official definition of spank: to strike especially on the buttocks with the open hand.

Official definition of strike: hit forcibly and deliberately with one's hand or a weapon or other implement.

And there it is....so I guess it depends who you talk to. But I assure you, I know what the hell I am talking about.

Note, I did not use the word "abuse". I used the word "hit". It is "hitting". Abuse is a matter of interpretation, which is why I did not choose to use the term. Hitting is hitting is hitting.

I disagree that boys and girls must be disciplined differently too. My boy has never needed any harsh discipline and he is 6 months being off an adult. I also work with chidlren (teenagers)....as a teacher. Believe me, children do not need hitting. They need consistent consequences (both positive and negative) for their actions, but not hitting.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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Trisha, I understand what you are saying I too was spanked as a child but that was a different time. I am 45 years old and when I was a kid that was the normal and acceptable punishment. Parenting has come a long way and there are many other more appropriate methods that get better long term results.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Exactly my dad used to make my brothers pick out their Hickory's but I never got whooped by one one day my brother called the cops on my dad well the cop came there straight out told my brother my parents could knocked them on their ass and it wouldn't be abuse as long as no marks. But I wouldn't ever whoop my kid with a belt or hickory I would when he gets older with my hand on the butt that's perfectly fine to do so. That's not the only parents skill or whatever I have like I told Shanna put them in time out corner, or bedroom. That's fine as well.

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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Jodi, It seems to me that Brandy can not accept anyone else's idea on parenting. She is right and we are wrong. Or as she put it "F****** Idiots".
When my daughter went to put something in an outlet I tapped her hand making her drop what she had, when my youngest thought she should stand on the couch a tapped her butt to make her sit down, MAKE SENSE to you now? Miss perfect I WHOOP my kids! Just for the record my kids are perfectly fine and never had any injuries that required an ER or doctors visit so apparently I am doing something right.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Well when some people doesn't know what the hell they're talking about I try to get them on the right page so yes thanks. (:

Trisha - posted on 04/14/2015

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My father used willow sticks to give us spankings. He had us go out into the backyard to cut them ourselves. I NEVER felt like I was abused. I hold no hard feelings about the spankings.

I am not saying that I would do this to my own child, as it seems very hillbilly, and I think there are more effective ways of parenting, but I am not going to call my parents bad parents for doing so.

Unfortunately, there are those who would straight out beat their children for something (without any control), and call it 'spanking' so now, we have to deal with abusive parenting skills getting mashed into something that parents feel they need to resort to to get their point across.

I DO however feel that resorting to physical punishment like spanking ends up making other forms of punishment seem like no big deal, so it will cause those methods to be ineffective.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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I'm sure not spoiled or a brat, and for girls they're different than raising boys, girls usually can get talked to and they'll cry or stop what they're doing but boys are way different girls get their feelings hurt way easier than boys do. Boys are supposed to be tough not little girls. Trust me I have 1 nephew and 4 neices, 1 son, & 2 brothers. I know all about it.I lived with 3 of the worst kids (discipline wise) ever. They threw their selves back for no reason, the hit each other, fight nonstop and none is over the age of 3. So come at me again.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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I believe I was referring to your charming language and various classy insults.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Why would you have to spank your kid if they were in danger wouldn't you immediately pick them up to make sure they were fine?

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Yeah everybody I talk to discipline they children like I'm saying I could careless about what you would do with your kids & for the fuckin stupid people HITTING & WHOOPING are two different things. Fuckin idiots. Now like I said it was in referral to Shanna not the two bit pieces that's put their input on the way just about every parent discipline their children. Unless they want their kids to be spoiled little brats. I'm sure you've whooped your children before. I dont care about it the DSS or POLICE hasn't taking my brothers away for getting whooped. So therefore I'll do what I want. Leave me alone now thanks.
(;

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Right. So let me get this straight. Your kid hits you. So you hit the kid back on the butt and tell him hitting is wrong. Okay. Gotcha.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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But whooping a child ON THE BUTT, & telling them no that's wrong. That's a fine way to discipline I mean I dont have to explain myself to you but this is how my family is. I got whooped one time in my life. But my brothers they got whooped and they are the most well mannered men you'd ever meet. Some kids are different like I said I was helping Shanna not getting questioned by you.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Hitting a kid on the butt is still hitting. Just saying.

"Maybe a few classes on how to discipline a child."

LMFAO!! Do you SERIOUSLY think you'd go to parenting classes these days and they'd tell you to spank your kid? What planet have you been living on?

"Parents are different some whoop their kids to teach them things they are doing is not okay, some just let them keep doing wrong, without whooping they will think its alright to not be disciplined. "

And then there are the parents who discipline their children to teach them right from wrong without having to hit them. I think you missed those ones.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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And just for the record, in case it is of interest to you, I think you will find that modern day parenting philosophies (read: research) will indicate that hitting your children for hitting others is counter-productive and teaching them the opposite of what you are intending to try to teach them. But hey, you are the parent, your call.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Okay if you say hitting a child one more time. Open your eyes & read what the hell I am writing. I said to her I suggested corners, put in a bedroom without toys, or whooping. Hitting a child is not at all the same as fuckin whooping a child. Please get that through your head! I suggested this for Shanna not you for one I could careless how you "discipline" your children but she's asking for help I gave my advice. I would never HIT my son but yes when he gets older and he does wrong he will get whooped. A kid kicking or hitting you is wrong no I'm not saying hit or kick them back but time out, or a simple pop on the butt will work fine!

Chana - posted on 04/14/2015

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I am not sure how hitting a children for hitting makes sense. That is like saying you can't hit but I am going to hit you for hitting. Two wrongs don't make a right! My girls are 4 and 2 1/2 and they are well behaved for the most part, we still have our toddler moments and meltdowns when we don't get our own way but that is part of being a child. I am a firm believer in time-outs and taking things away(grounding as they get older). I have on occasion tapped their hands or bottoms but only when they are in immediate danger and I needed to get their attention. It has never even left a pink mark but it did get them out of harms way quickly.

Jodi - posted on 04/14/2015

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Oh, and you don't have to spank, hit, whatever you want to call it in order to discipline children. It concerns me that this seems to be the only tool in your toolbox to equal discipline. Just sayin'.

My kids are grown and are quite disciplined, thank you :) They don't hit others either - they are polite, well behaved and I've not had too many real issues regarding their attitude toward others. But I never taught them that hitting others meant I would hit them back.....they learned not to hit in other ways, but not via the "eye for an eye" philosophy you seem to have adopted. Please tell me how hitting a child actually teaches them not to hit. I am curious about that. I would appreciate your insight......just in case I need it for my grandchildren one day.

Brandy - posted on 04/14/2015

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Spanking is on the butt, obviously. Hitting a child is wrong but, spanking a four year old that's perfectly fine. If you dont know the difference maybe you should get off this & go do some research. Maybe a few classes on how to discipline a child. Parents are different some whoop their kids to teach them things they are doing is not okay, some just let them keep doing wrong, without whooping they will think its alright to not be disciplined. But when a child is acting up who wants to go out in public with a child that hits? For a child to walk up to a kid and just hit them no that's wrong you're supposed to teach them before it goes that far.

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