frank talks

Angie - posted on 03/11/2012 ( 11 moms have responded )




With all of the sexting, innapopriate use of the internet, cell phones etc. it's made me wonder when the right time is to talk to children (mine are very young) about sex and explain in advance some of what they hear regarding these issues and be proactive rather then reactive. I want them to be innocent as long as possible but I also dont want to miss a 'window' or have them hear things from others. Thoughts??


Jodi - posted on 03/11/2012




I have always talked to the kids gradually too. I don't think there is any set time to have a talk, although I finally did sit down with my son and go through the practicalities when he was about 11. And even now, the education continues, because he often has questions about things that you kind of just don't think to tell them at the time (my son is now 14).

I think the most important things is having the channels of communication open.

For instance, my daughter (age 7)knows the changes her body will go through because she was sitting in the bathroom while I was having a shower asking me questions about my body, so I answered her honestly and openly. She knows about period because she asked about what my pads were for, so I told her. She knows how babies get out, because she was curious and started asking questions, so I was honest with her. She knows about babies growing inside us. She has not yet asked exactly how they get there, but she will. Each stage of asking questions, she takes some time to process the information and then comes back and asks something else. This is how we open up the communication with our children, and we keep that open. As long as that is open, if they do have questions, they will always feel comfortable asking you. And children ask questions because they are ready to hear, and want to know, the answer.

If they haven't asked the questions by the time they are about 8 or 9, then yes, it would be time to start having talks with them about puberty, and then probably onto sex, babies, STDs, masturbation, and whatever else, by the time they are 11 or 12 at the oldest, but it does depend on the child. Some kids may need this information sooner. As a parent, this is something you have to judge.

But really, the issue of sex and the life cycle, or ANY issues (such as drugs and alcohol, smoking, etc) should be an ongoing discussion with your children at age appropriate levels.

Pamela - posted on 03/17/2012




You didn't say what age your children are, but generally speaking they will come to you with questions when they are curious, IF you have a good rapport with them.

If they have not come to you with questions then I suggest pre-teen years, according to the maturity of the individual child, to share the TRUTH....not just your opinions, about what is happening to the body and how it affects the mind and emotions.

Americans are still some of the most prudish people in the world when it comes to sex which is why there is so much perversion in the area. It has NOT been dealt with as a normal function of growth, but rather hidden or disregarded as NATURAL by strict Christian mandates, etc.

Sex is a BEAUTIFUL, NATURAL ACT of creation when used in a loving manner. It is not just for procreation. Hopefully you will teach your children that truth.

Christina - posted on 03/11/2012




i am very open with my kids. my family and friends dont agree with it but i feel that i would rather them hear it from me then someone else and them assume something different. in va girls in the forth grade get the period class. my daughter already knew. in the fifth grade she learned about boys and their issues as well as the boys having this class. my middle one (a son) is 8 and he knows this stuff already. he knows what a period is because of me and my oldest. he knows about sex because of the fact he walked in as a young kid on me and his dad. my daughter found out about sex when i got preg with my son and learned more after when she found our condoms. my youngest (2) not really sure what she knows. she has been in our room up til a month ago when we moved. when my son made a comment about how my youngest got here. we didnt get made we explained it to him like we felt it needed to be explained. my sister does things differently. my nefew was told that mom and dad asked god for him and poof he got in mommys belly. hes now 9 and as far as i know still thinks this. obviously me and my sister dont agree how to bring the subject up for our kids. i just would rather my kids know the truth then some crock story that i have to re-explain later because they want to know why you didnt tell them that before when they asked

[deleted account]

We started talking about puberty at 7 and sex at 8.5 (bare basics of baby making). They're 10 now and the talks are getting more and more detailed. It's not just one big talk, but many, many, many little ones... as things come up.

From the way things are HERE... all the flat out, nitty gritty details should be shared by the start of middle school.... which is where my girls will be NEXT year!


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Sally - posted on 03/13/2012




When they ask. If they learn to trust you on the little stuff, they'll come to you for the big stuff when they're ready.

Terrie - posted on 03/12/2012




With children getting cell phones at young ages and getting on computers and knowing how to work them and probably even knowing how to dissable the parental controls, I feel it is very important that they know something about sex.

Let me give an example. I was sitting in my girls ministry class with my girls class one night at church. These girls were eight and nine years old. Most of them had cell phones. One of the girls forgot to turn hers off before class started and she received a text. I let her check it. It was a wrong number. She received a sexting message from somene she didn't know. She was laughing at what she was looking at. But she was honest and handed it to me and letting me know that she did not know the person. I think if she would have known the person she would not have even let me know what the text was about. Anyway, I text her mother and told her what happened. But I couldn't help but think and wonder how much that girl new about sex. She had no business getting that picture which was very x rated.

It is hard to tell how much they should know at what time. My son is Autistic and 12 but he is verbal. He has started asking where babies come from and how they get out of the body. I went ahead and told him. He has a different way of processing things. I also have to be carefull because he is lible to tell everyone he sees about child birth and he want care where we are when he does it. But delayed are not he is still moving onto middle school and will face the same things that every child faces so I have to go ahead and inform him about these things. Unless something happens he will always be under my protective arm so things will be a bit different for him. He doesn't play on the computer or own a cell phone. He has no use for a cell phone and he chooses not to play on the computer. Anyway, that is my thought on the subject though I don't know that it was very helpful. lol

Kim - posted on 03/12/2012




My son is 12 and we have been having talks about it for a long time. He asks questions and I answer them in the most age-appropriate manner I can. I felt it was very important to open the lines of communication early so that he would trust me and feel comfortable coming to me about it when the time comes. There are a couple of books that are great that you can read together. They are age appropriate and they open the floor for questions and discussion. They are called "Where Did I Come From" and "What's Happening to Me". One is about puberty and the other is about conception and sex. I don't remember the author off-hand, but I'm sure you could Google the title and it will tell you. Good luck!

Valerie - posted on 03/12/2012




I have to agree about the "before middle school" starts statement from experience. My son is now 21 and my twin daughters are 16, and by the time they all got into middle school, if they hadn't already learned it, they heard it anyways.. so rather have them have some knowledge instead of either being completely shocked, or decide to learn on their own in their own ways....... small steps are best.. they can absorb the info and get the picture in pieces.. good luck! My opinion has always been to be honest as well.. I didn't lie or make up things... if they asked it, they got the truth.. at younger ages it may have been more "sugar coated".. but the truth nonetheless.... :)

[deleted account]

Yeah, my girls actually knew a lot about pregnancy and miscarriage (unfortunately) at 5/6, but they never asked about the conception part. ;)

Angie - posted on 03/11/2012




That's very helpful...I hadnt thought of it in steps (as they happen first with puberty). We do have small talks here and there but no blatant sex talks. My oldest has been with me in labor so he knows where babies come from :) but not the behind the scenes stuff. Thank you!! That was helpful!!!!

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