Tracy - posted on 01/27/2011 ( 8 moms have responded )




To make a long story very short..... I have a 23 year old nephew that has consistently for the last 3 years borrowed money from family. Especially my mother. My mother alone pays his rent, car payment, power, water, car insurance, grocery bill, and gas for his car. Plus whatever else comes up. This has made me sick to my stomache for years now, and I am past the point of being angry. He doesn't even try to get a job, he even lies and says he has put in applications. My mother keeps saying that she doesn't want one of her grandchildren to be homeless, but when is enough, ENOUGH. He goes to school part-time, This is actually the second time he has attempted, the first time my mother paid $2,000.00 for classes and he dropped out. He has done the most ignorant things and yet still lives bill and rent free. Please give me your opinion on how to handle this. I feel it has put my mother in a financial hardship now, and she didn't work at the same place for 37 years just to spend her retirement on a kid that doesn't want to grow up and help himself.


Sherri - posted on 01/27/2011




Your mother is an adult and can make her own choices weather you agree with it or not. It is not your place to interfere in something, especially another grown adults finances. You don't have to like it or even be okay with it. However, your mom can do as she likes with her own money.


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Louise - posted on 01/27/2011




September is right as long as he has access to money the only thing you can do is explain that your mum giving him money is not helping him stand on his own two feet. I have a neice and nephew that do take the piss with my mother in law but she continues to give them money when ever they shout. Now she is running out of money they do not visit as much or even bother with her. It is only now she is seeing them for what they are. Nobody wants to see a family member out on the street but sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If anything happened to your mum how would this man survive? I will tell you he would pull his finger out and grow up. Try to explain to your mum until she understands that what she is doing is keeping him a child and not making him a man.

Tracy - posted on 01/27/2011




Your family NEEDS to cut him off and stop enabling. The problem is that they're adults and can spend their money as they see fit. You can try confronting him, but chances are he'll just go whining to Grams about mean ol' Auntie then that'd cause drama.

Alison - posted on 01/27/2011




I see where you are coming from. This would drive me crazy, but ultimately, it is your mother's decision. Talk to her, talk to him, then let go.

Danielle - posted on 01/27/2011




I would confront your nephew!

You should sit down with some other members of the family and talk about the issue, and agree on a general consensus that he must have a job by a certain date, and must cover x amount of expenses.

Once you have everyone on the same page then you can approach him (I would do it with only a couple people so as not to isolate him). I would try to get his parents, as well as the grandmother to agree with an outlined agreement on your expectations.

I wouldn't cut him off cold turkey either. He sounds like a little shit, but you don't want him to think no one cares. Try appealing to his logical "grown-up" side.

Then after a couple months when he is adjusted paying his bills and the responsibilities that come with it, then cut him off.

There really is no excuse for his behavior. I am 23, married, house and car owner. We pay for all our bill, mortgage ect.

If your mother will not cut him off I would approach the nephew.

Be firm and explain that it is not fair that he expects his little grandmother to waste away her retirement on a perfectly healthy person to live. It is a shame that some people have no pride.

JuLeah - posted on 01/27/2011




Nothing you can do. This is between him and your mother. It is her choice and she gets something out of it or wouldn't do it. You can't change him.

September - posted on 01/27/2011




As long as your family continues to enable him the more he's going to free load. Your Mom needs to cut him off and if she can’t then she’s going to continue to go further and further into debt. It’s really all up to her and whoever else enables him to put a stop to his free loading ways.

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