Friends little daughter (18m) keeps hitting my son(3yrold) How do I stop it?

Ariana - posted on 09/19/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




I am a mother of a (almost) 3 year old boy. I go to my friends house quite a bit and she has three daughters. They all are a bit agressive and not disciplined the best but usually pretty good around him. The biggest problem has actually been that my friends youngest daughter, about 18 months, keeps hitting my son. She was also trying to throw hard toys at him last time I was there.

He tends to give a really big reaction to her as he's sort of a youngest child (I watch my half-sister but she's much older so he's basically like the youngest/only child). He yells AHHH and runs away which seems to make her do it more. I first tried telling him to stop running and yelling and tell her to stop it, which he did, but she just went up to him and hit him.

I also try to tell her you can't play with friends you hit and if she does it I try to keep her away from him but sometimes she's very sweet and doesn't do anything to him and then she'll just go over and hit him. I've tried saying 'nice touching' but that doesn't help either. Her mom doesn't really do anything about it and the last time I was there she wacked him over the head with a toy and her mom just said she didn't think her daughter meant to do it, and I simply said she'd been hitting him since we got there.

I think neither of us knows what to do but I know when my son was younger if he did that I'd at least give him a stern 'no, we don't hit'. She doesn't even really say anything and if she does it's very nice like 'be gentle' which isn't helping. I feel at a loss. Do I just keep her away from him? It's hard to seperate them when sometimes she's nice and sometimes she hits him. Plus he's a lot older comparatively so all I've been able to say is stay away from her which is hard for him if we're there for more than 20 minutes. He actually likes her and talks about her when we're away from the house but I would really like to do something to stop the hitting.

What should I do to try and stop her from hitting him? Is there anything that can be done with a 18 month old to stop that sort of thing?


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 09/19/2012




You can either stop going to your friend's house, or invite them to your house, where it will be your rules, and you can enforce timeout for inappropriate behaviour.

You also need to address the problem with your friend. You need to let her know that, until she can properly discipline her children and teach them how to play nicely, that you and your son will not be visiting.

I have a friend who has 4 kids. She's a good mom, deep down, but I think having 4 kids within 5 years just overwhelmed her. Every time she'd come to my house, she knew I would enforce rules, and limits. So, every time I went to hers, she expected me to enforce rules and limits there as well. She didn't mind if I put the kids in timeout, or enforced other consequences. I think she did learn a lot from it though, because once we moved away, she started asking how I did this or that, how I enforced this or that, and what appropriate consequences were. We're still friends, our kids are now (mostly) grown, and hers turned out ok. They still look to me first for discipline if I'm there, but their mom's pretty on top of it now.

It can be frustrating, but perhaps she just doesn't understand that she needs to be consistent with her kids, enforcing consequences for inappropriate behaviour, and that you will not do that FOR her.

Amy - posted on 09/19/2012




My daughter went through this with her older brother. She actually only hit him because the reaction she got from him was do over the top, he would scream and yell, sometimes he would laugh. Obviously when she hit him we were not ok with it but we had to teach my sin to not react the way he was. We taught him to say "no don't hit and then turn around and ignore her". If she hit him again he was to say the same thing and then to actually walk away from her. We followed it up with "we only play nice we don't hit, he doesn't want to play with you now". My daughter stopped very quickly once she stopped getting any reaction from him, sometimes he would come to us and we would ignore her and lavish him with attention.

I can't help you with the throwing toys neither of my kids did that.

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