getting along with selfish biomom

Ashly - posted on 06/10/2015 ( 7 moms have responded )




I have been with my bf for a year (we have known each other for 13) I went to school with him and his son's mother. They were not a couple at time of conception. I know both sides of the story (from him and her). It boils down to this. She wanted to get married and have a family at 21 he didn't. They broke up but continued being intimate with one another. She gets pregnant and tells him he has to marry her, he declines as he wishes to finish school. He has had to sue her twice to get any kind of visitation rights, he pays a hefty amount of child support (which she brags about with her pictures of vacations, manis, pedie, expensive clothes etc.) All this while sending her son in torn up clothes and shoes that do not fit him.

I had reached out to her to make visitation easier, we planned a calendar a year long. She recently married last year and had a new child. The problem is she is refusing to allow her son to see his grandparents on my bfs side, but is pushing and advertising all the time her son gets with his and I quote "Dad" and his parents (step grandparents). She doesn't tell father when she leaves son at the step grandparents and even her parents (which is against the custody papers she had drawn up). Her and I were getting along but now I get zero response out of her. I even went as far as to send her a gift for the new baby and flowers on mothers day. The only response I receive is I need to know my place. Coming from a divorced home where my dad wanted nothing to do with me, it tears me up inside to see her pretend to be this loving mother to the world and a christian, yet she alienates the father and his family from the child. She only allows one phone call a week and that is if she isn't "busy".....How do I make this situation better?


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♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 06/11/2015




Total agreement with all here.
If he didn't want a commitment, he should have either used protection or his hand.
If he doesn't want to get an attorney now and get things straight, there's nothing you can do.
In that, bm is correct, you need to understand that you don't have a place in this fight. You're a girlfriend, not fiance, not spouse, and even if you were, it would still be between him, her and their attorneys.

Dove - posted on 06/10/2015




If he didn't want to deal w/ her for life he shouldn't have been having sex w/ her... It actually isn't your place to deal w/ her... this should all be between her and your boyfriend. If he has proof that she is violating a court order then he can take it back to court... otherwise who she chooses to let her son see or chooses NOT to let him see when she has her visitation time... is entirely her business. YOUR place is to share your concerns w/ your boyfriend and let him handle it as he sees fit.

Michelle - posted on 06/10/2015




The other ladies have said it all.
You have no say in what happens between them in regards to the child. Your boyfriend is the one that has to take it to court again. If she isn't following the court orders then he needs to tell his lawyer so they can argue it in court.

Ev - posted on 06/10/2015




You don't and you can't. Its up to him to make the changes needed. You are a girlfriend. Its good that you want to help in some way or other but they need to do this. IF he really wants to make this right he needs to get off his bottom, get a laywer and fight for it on a legal stance.

~♥Little Miss - posted on 06/10/2015




Unfortunately, YOU don't make the situation any better at all. Your boyfriend does. I think it is wonderful to want to help, but this has nothing to do with you. It is really in your boyfriends hands. He might want to go back to court, and deal with this on a legal level. He can petition for more custody, petition for grandparent visitation, and so much more. But, this unfortunately no matter how good you intentions are, has nothing to do legally with you. You have only been romantically involved with this man a year. Please use protection. This could easily happen to you also.

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