Getting married in 3 months-need advice on stepdaughter please

Atyler1973 - posted on 01/09/2016 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am engaged to a terrific man and in October him and his almost 18 year old daughter moved in. She was set to move in with her mother during Christmas. At first I was so disappointed that she was planning to live with her mom but that changed a few weeks in to them living here. I soon realized his daughter would not lift a finger to clean up after herself, her room was a constant mess, her bathroom never cleaned, and she was totally disrespectful to her father. She talks down to him frequently and expects him to do almost everything for her. I have never heard her say thank you(or even a compliment) for the dinners cooked, food bought, Christmas gifts-nothing. She will not lift a finger to help clean anything unless he asks her to. She quit her job to move in with her mom and the mom decided not to take her. She is crappy with her dad every chance she gets. I don't want to sound like I am nitpicking but my peace is gone. When I come home from work and I see her car in the driveway I just want to keep driving.
Here's the huge issue. My fiancée tries to discipline her so that she will help out more but it never works. It is a constant battle. Now I have an unemployed almost 18 year old living in my home with no respect for her father or my home. I feel like a horrible person for wishing she had moved in with her mom but I am not used to dealing with a child like her. My 22 year old daughter was not perfect but she did show me respect and I am having a huge problem. I am stressed all of the time. She has not gone out to look for employment. She is in her senior year and is now supposed to move in with her mom in June. I am scared to death that is not going to happen (like it didn't in December) and by then him and I will be married. We are set to marry in April.
I would like your thoughts on this. If I am horrible for feeling this way-please let me know. Thank you


~♥Little Miss - posted on 01/10/2016




Don't do the contract solo. Do it WITH the father, so he can add to it, and see how badly this is affecting you. Maybe come to him with an outline. BOTH of you need to sit down with her and discuss the rules. Everyone should sign it. If she doesn't, then her mom will need to take her in.

Dove - posted on 01/10/2016




Yep... time to draw up a contract for her living in the house. Talk to your husband and if you can get him on the same page... the two of you can sit down w/ the daughter and discuss your expectations and come to a final, signed agreement.

I would not marry him if this can not take place.

Kim - posted on 01/10/2016




Honestly, I would reconsider marrying into to this situation OR be prepared that he will choose his daughter over you. He can always get another wife. I am in a second marriage with kids in this age range. We have been married for almost seven years and we still have these similar issues. Not easy at all. He may have some sort of guit or whatever, to not make her do certain things around the house..etc. The divorce rate is 70% with second marriage with children. Just to let you know... Good luck!

Michelle - posted on 01/10/2016




She is almost an adult so it's time you all sat down and drew up a contract for her to stay in your house. You and Dad need to be on the same page with the expectations as well. One of the expectations is that she has to work to get "extras" like internet. The work can either be chores around the house or work outside the house and pay for it.
Dad needs to man up and stop letting her treat him like that. He's let her get away with things for too long, that's why he's now finding it a battle.


View replies by

Atyler1973 - posted on 01/10/2016




I am new to this forum so am unsure how to reply to each comment Thank you all for your input/advice. It is very helpful. I am going to make up a contract and pray for the best as I truly love her father. I believe that by enforcing rules and expectations will be good for her now and in the future as she reaches adulthood. Thank you again

Join Circle of Moms

Sign up for Circle of Moms and be a part of this community! Membership is just one click away.

Join Circle of Moms