Hard time adjusting to life as a stay at home mom

Swartika - posted on 04/03/2013 ( 5 moms have responded )




I am a 30 year old mum. I have one 14 month old baby boy. My husband is working and I am getting so depressed and upset staying at home and doing all the housework. I look after the baby for the whole day and night. I can't work because of the baby. My life is so upsetting that sometimes I feel like committing suicide...I migrated from Fiji last year. I was a working lady back in Fiji and had a good life. I really don't know how to get out of this boring and hectic life of mine. I don't have any support in Australia and every now and then am growled at by my husband....


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Therese - posted on 04/04/2013




Hi Swartika
Are you okay? Did you find anything in this site that can help you? Do you want more advice?
We all have our times of depression as stay at home moms, I know that it's pretty hollow to say that, but a happy wife is a happy life, so when you are not happy, your children and your husband responds to that unhappiness.
It's hard to feel sexy when you have baby drool on your clothes, and some mornings you can't even take a shower until your husband gets home. And I just realized that you had your baby older than other women. I had my only child at 30 too. So like you I had a great career that I left behind. It was hard staying home and slowly losing the person I use to be before he came along.
I really had to reorganize my mind. It was so not easy and I don't want to write it down and make it seem like it was easy, I had to find the one thing that made me feel whole and it was work. I loved working, I loved the socialization of working, the ability to complete a project that I started. So, I found something to do, that gave me the ability to socialize, a place to go to every day with my son, a cause. Your baby is also a job and probably your most important job, so you can't let your son suffer. Does he sleep well, or does he cry all day? If the baby is colicky, then its a stressor. Give us more info to help you out. We all have advice and interesting and sometimes funny stories to share with you.
Big Hugs

Augusta - posted on 04/04/2013




Staying hard can make you restless and bored and sometimes depressed. I would go see a doctor soon for your depression. Have you tried exercising? That's a natural way to have more energy and makes you feel great. You can always pm me if you need someone to talk to!

Faye - posted on 04/03/2013




I will agree with Therese. After seeing the doctor, take your little one to the rec center to see if they have a play group for his age. It may be called "mommy and me" or "mom's day out".

If it is mommy and me, you are encouraged to stay and play with him. It will also allow you to socialize with moms of the kids.

If it is a mom's day out program, you can drop your child off for the time being and you are then able to do as you need/want. Most of the mom's day out programs in the US are at churches and last about 2 hours but not all. Some have a charge, some don't. Some are once a week while others are twice a week.

If those programs are not available for you to use, then look into a painting, dance, art, ceramic class at the rec center. Most rec centers have sitters lined up and ready for your use while you are in class.

All else fails, talk with the neighbors. I bet there are others in need of the same thing you are, adult conversation. Set up a movie night at one of the houses. Kids watch the movie in the tv room while the adults talk in kitchen. Have 2 or 3 movies set aside for the kids to choose from and watch. Most little kids will barely last one movie, then insert the adult movie after the kids have been moved to a bedroom on pallets.

Good luck.

Therese - posted on 04/03/2013




Hi Swartika
I feel for you. It's really great that you decided to reach out to us. Hopefully some of our advice can help you.

So my sister is a nurse and she recommended that you immediately see your doctor. You need someone professional to speak with. Thoughts of suicide, no matter how small is important. So please see your doctor and talk about it. It could be something as small as hormonal. You may just need a prescription to help balance your hormones to help you with your mild depression. Please do it. please see your doctor. Your sadness touches my heart. My other sister is an ex-pat and I always worry about her being depressed and feeling alone.

So this is my advice. After you see your doctor, you need to re-organize your life and you as a person. It seems to me that you feel that you may be losing yourself. That happens when we become financially dependent on our significant others. So you need to do something, and that something must work with your present life. For me, I started a business, mind you I had a lot of money to invest in starting a business, so that worked for me. But lately I needed something more (people my age LOL) and I decided to join a direct sales company. I asked my sister to join me and she is actually doing a little better than me. She really took off with it, I guess it's because she had the time to socialize that I didn't.

Hope this helps... Please take care of yourself.....See your doctor and talk to someone.
Take care

Teri - posted on 04/03/2013




Good morning, I know just how you feel. I am here in the US and moved across country and now live about 3000 miles from my family. I always worked and then became a stay at home mom of 3 kids. It is so hard to get used to not having anything to do but cook, clean and care for children when you have no one to talk to. But I can tell you it will get better and it is so important that you get out and find things you like to do on your own. I hope to here from you

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