Hate my Life

Debbie - posted on 11/30/2013 ( 2 moms have responded )




I probably need to be in a different group, one for folks who are more hopeless. I am menopausal and I hate my life, hate my husband, hate my job, and miss being a mom to kids who needed me.


Jodi - posted on 11/30/2013




You are not hopeless. You are just going through major changes in your life. You CAN change the way you feel. Have you considered seeing a counsellor to help your work through your feelings and some solutions? You are far too young to be writing off your life as hopeless. You just need to find a new direction and something you can be passionate about.


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Debbie - posted on 11/30/2013




It sounds like more than I can muster up the energy or gumption to manage right now. I work in a call center for a living (it's the only job I can find), been there now almost 6 years, and I despise it. I work 4, 10 hour days, that has me off on Wednesday and Thursday and on those days I keep my new infant grand-daughter (first and only grandchild so far, 3 mos. old), for my daughter to go to work. I'm off on Sundays and we go to church, but honestly, I'm a little disheartened with even that. If God loves me so, like it's said in the church/bible, then why do I feel so unloved.

My husband, he's never cheated, that I know of, he doesn't beat me, or anything like that. But he's just so indifferent. He is an avid hunter, and woe be it to anyone (and that includes me) who gets in the way of that, and he hunts a good six months out of the year, as recreation. He owns his own biz, and so he has a lot more flexibility in his life/work schedule, than do I. Getting him to go enjoy and do anything with me, is hurtful, because he just wants to hunt, when not hunting, .. he wants to veg out in front of the tv all the time, and watch hunting, or NASCAR or football or whatever it is.

I have little to no flexibility in the job I work, getting time off from there, is like pulling teeth, one has to ask for it months and months and months in advance, in order to get it. I have a husband who owns his own biz, and doesn't know what his schedule is gonna look like next week, much less months and months from now. But work, I must, we need the funds, we need the health ins. my job provides.

It just feels like a situation where my husband is happiest when he is not being harranged by me, .. "Can we go grab a bite out?", response "I'm tired, I don't wanna go anywhere". And that's the norm, whether it be a movie, a trip out of town, a dinner out, you name it.

Yet the job I work, I work long hours, and the ability to have any time off is almost nil, unless I ask months in advance, and I watch as he goes, pretty much at will, to do what he wants with his time, .. excepting for work demands, which .. aren't always present, .. and when I ask to spend time with him, to do things, he is tired, doesn't want to, not interested. And yes I've told him how I feel, but he says the following "It's not my fault you hate your job, find a different job", "Go, if you want to go see a movie, go, I don't want to".

So, you might say, go see a movie with a g'friend. Go to dinner with a g'friend. I don't have any. I am truly all alone in this ole ugly world. When do I have time to make/cultivate friendships. I go to church on Sunday morning, but then it's home to do laundry, go to the grocery, get the house straightened, pay some bills, cook a dinner, since I work such long hours typically, we rarely have a home cooked meal with my hands. So Sundays get spoken for, .. for the most part.

Wednesdays and Thursdays I'm off work, but I keep my grand-daughter, for my daughter (my choice, at least for now, since she's so tiny and so precious and so new).

I'm caught in the middle somewhere. Can't make/maintain friendships as married couples, because I'm married to someone who only wants to hunt for recreation, .. and that's fine .. except it's a solitary pursuit. If you have "couple" friends, they want to go to a concert, go out to dinner, go to a ball game, you name it. He doesn't want to go. So I go, ..as the 3rd wheel, no thanks.

Single people, ...???... not interested in bars, and picking up men, and hanging out in that scene. So I don't, truly I do not, have a single g'friend that I can call and say "hey what's up with you, lets' go grab some dinner and catch up on things". I truly don't. Not one.

Estranged from our oldest daughter, too long of a story to go into, but suffice it to say she suffers from mental illness that she has never consented to treat adequately, and she is volitile and vile, when not medicated, and potentially violent. So that daughter, is out of the picture, which causes both me and my husband, who are very family oriented, a lot of grief. We, neither one of us, ever dreamed when she was a tiny precious little baby this would be the end game.

Have a middle daughter, married and she's the mother of the precious little grand daughter. She lives about 20 minutes from here. We do, do things with she and her husband, ... but her husband works for my husband, .... and so he sees quite enough of his father in law, thank you very much, likes his father in law immensely, but enough is enough. So we can't "depend" on them for our entertainment, that is unfair to them.

Have a youngest daughter, aged 21. She still lives at home, but is gone a good deal of the time, with work and socializing.

Have I thought about counseling perhaps with the church staff where we attend. Well the story there is that my husband, see above, he has much more flexibility to his schedule/life than do I, and he is at the church everytime the doors are open, doing for and with them, various men's groups he's involved in, various committees he's on at the church, they think he hung the moon. They barely know me. Seems like the only time they see me, is on Sundays during church. I'm working, the rest of the time, thus, not involved in any of the various functions that go on, and thus, haven't forged any real connections there, and to go and counsel with them would feel like tattle-telling. So no, I haven't, and don't really want to consider that an option.

Have I talked to my husband about counseling, for both of us. Yes, I have .. and he refuses (what else is new).

Thus, I should've titled my subject on my post "Hopeless".

Thanks for letting me vent.

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