Having a hard time transitioning from single mom to coparenting... help please!

User - posted on 08/24/2012 ( 4 moms have responded )




I was a single mom with my two year old since day one and even though my husband has been in her life for nine months she's still transitioning to having him around so he doesn't really "parent" her... just the easy stuff. Now that our daughter is here I can't get out of the habit of me doing everything. It's causing a strain in our relationship but I don't know how to let go. I know that if it takes an extra minute or two for him to diaper her it's not the end of the world. I know if he holds her a little awkward it's his discomfort, not hers. So why can't I relax and let him learn how to be a dad?


Kelina - posted on 08/24/2012




because you're a mom and you want everything to be prefect. You're going to have to let go though and deal with the discomfort and think through all of your actions. Getting out of the house will help some. Other than that, think about your responses and actions before carrying them out. Am I refusing help because he can't do it? Or am i refusing help pointlessly and help would be a good thing? Am I not going for a shower because I'm being an overprotective control freak or because something is wrong and I'm needed?(totally been there, had to learn to go for that shower and the kids would live) A few mantras for you though. It's ok for the baby to cry. It's going to take time for him to learn. Don't offer advice unless he asks. And don't be short with him afterwards because he did it wrong, or didn't do it your way. Try to remember that you're going to be stressed out by letting him learn just like he's going to be stressed out and scared by learning. Your girls are going to have to learn that life doesn't end just because mommy's not in the room and so are you.

S. - posted on 08/24/2012




If you don't in a few years time you will be moaning why you still feel like a single mum when your married. I have seen this happen loads of time. Maybe try telling him to do something and walk away so your not tempted to take over.

My best friend is like you, we was taking the other day and she admitted that she worries that if she died her husband wouldn't be able to look after her children, I said mine can do everything I can do and if I died I know they would be ok (there's hairs would be a mess but clean and I could imagine him ironing like I do) I just though it a little sad.


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User - posted on 08/24/2012




With my oldest daughter the few times I let her father take care of her it ended horribly where I had to get a restraining order against him for both of us. I know that my husband would NEVER hurt or yell at her but it's a hard thing to shake after the one person who is supposed to protect your baby as much as you do betrays that trust. She's been very fussy lately from a formula change and since I spend more time with her (SAHM) I can read her cries better and can comfort her easier.

Gwen - posted on 08/24/2012




Count your blessings that you have a husband who is engaged and willing to help out with the new baby. You already said you know he is capable and your way is not the only right way. Maybe you need to schedule some "mommy" time each week so that you have no choice but to leave the house and give him a few hours peace to do things his way. After coming back a few times to see that the kids are still alive and well, you'll be able to start relaxing :) You guys could also try a little marriage counseling to get back on track.

P.S. Are you afraid to let him get involved because a part of you is afraid he will leave too?

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