Having a sex life after having kids!!

Becs - posted on 10/15/2010 ( 9 moms have responded )




Does anyone still have the same sex life as they did before they started havn kids?
We have 2 kids now, work full time so when we are home the last thing i think about is sex!
By the time everything is ready for the next day and the kids are bathed and fed and in bed im just to tired to be doin that before i go to sleep.
My partner is amazing and very understanding but does any1 know any ideas of spicing things up?
Would love to hear that im not the only one with a lack of sex drive!


Jenn - posted on 10/16/2010




Some suggestions: wear something that makes you feel sexy, watch porn together, try out some toys, have a shower together, go to bed earlier and get frisky - sometimes even if you're not really in the mood but you get started with some kissing and cuddling, you'll soon find you're ready to go!

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Dusty - posted on 01/10/2012




It may be because my husband & I are still pretty young (he's 24, I'm 22) but we still have a great sex life. Although sometimes I really don't feel like it (mostly on the days I have school & work) I push myself to give in, because I find that I feel a hell of alot better after we do have sex. I would find a time once a week (or less often, your husband & you need to decide how much time is feasible) for a date night. Even if it's in the living room, or out in the backyard after the kids have been put to sleep, it can still mean alot to both of you & help to spice things up! My husband & I try to do this once a week (I'll admit that sometimes we just don't have the time, but very rarely) We don't have a whole lot of extra money, so most of the time these "date nights" are done at home, just renting a movie, & ordering cheap takeout, but it makes all the difference in the world!

[deleted account]

Our sex life is pretty much the same as it was before having our son who's now 10 months old. However, I don't work, I'm a stay at home mum and my husband works full-time as well as going to college twice per week on the evening. We keep things exciting by using sex toys, dressing up and bondage! We set time aside usually just after Logan's been put to bed at 7pmish for us to have sex time. This way it doesn't get forgotten about or left until we are too tired!

Becs - posted on 10/16/2010




thanks for all the good comments, i am very athletic and eat healthy, the weekend away sounds like a good idea as we both work and seem to save good we have money behind us for those things so will diff try that out.
It does come down to just making time for eachother, maybe gettn kids into a better bed routine would help, but because we have to get them up at 5am monday to friday and drop them at my mums they seem to nap during the day and then wide awake at night, i have enrolled for nursing next year and if all goes well they will be able to sleepin in the mornings.
thanx every1 yourv all helped answer alot of questions!

Dawn - posted on 10/16/2010




Well, I still have the drive, and so does my husband, we just don't always have it at the same time!! I am often my own friend (wink, wink); I feel a temendous stress release if I just take matters into my own hands (pardon the pun!!) and I find that the mood usually carries over to my husband later in the day :) And sometimes we just get started even though we don't feel like it and by the end we are happy one of us started the "chore":) :) I also agree with the poster who said to make the time for your health; eating better, getting excercise and enough sleep all help you to feel better and give you more energy!

Tyrae - posted on 10/16/2010




If you are adventerous enough you could always head over to a sex store. they have games you can play, or even toys, or if you like handcuffs too. It changes things up a bit and adds a little bit of excitement into your sex life. Although I guess it wouldn't be for everyone. Just a suggestion though :)

Sneaky - posted on 10/16/2010




What's a sex drive????? Might it be that feeling I used to get before marriage and kids and housework? You are so not alone!

As for spicing things up - I find alcohol works :o)

Louise - posted on 10/16/2010




I hear what you are saying about being knackered all the time but you have to make time for each other even if it is just a cuddle on the sofa. You both need to feel loved and cherished. My husband and I have older sons of 29 and 16 and a toddler nearly 2 so we never seemed to find anytime to ourselves so we had to make time. Every 6-8 weeks we would go away for the weekend with the toddler somewhere new and once she was in bed we would sit with a glass of wine and just chill out. There is no ironing pile that needs doing when you are away so you have time for each other. It just helped us reconnect as a couple and gave us something to look forward to. If you have not got the money to do this then book a baby sitter for the evening and go out for a date. Time for you both to be you again and not mum and dad.

Charlene - posted on 10/15/2010




How much time do you spend looking after yourself? Regular exercise and balanced eating plays an enormous role (I'd say 80%) in how you feel. You'll be surprised at how good you feel after sex even if you are tired when you start. Be kind to yourself and to each other and yes you are not the only one without libido after having had children but it is as much a mind thing as it is a body thing in my opinion.

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