Having a third baby after 9 years gap....

Roxana - posted on 12/29/2014 ( 4 moms have responded )




Am 30 year old with 2 beautiful girl the younger is 9 my husband want to go for the boy am scared, I feel I won't have time to chill out no more, to sleep late hours. I have a full time job.. how you all do it to go back to that old routine?


Nicole - posted on 12/30/2014




Hi Roxana,
First of all, I think you are smart to put thought into this. Often times people rush into lifelong decisions with little regard to the consequences. Only you know what is best for you.
If you choose to have another child when you really don't want to then you run the risk of resenting the child. That wouldn't be healthy for anyone involved. I have three children. Their ages are 30, 20 and 14. I love them all dearly but I do wonder how life would be had we not had our third. Generally speaking, society does not understand ambivalence about having children. The general feeling I have experienced from others is that you are supposed to want to have children and if you don't then their must be something wrong with you. I respect that line of thinking but I certainly do not agree with it. I feel so strongly about it that, when I am talking to my children, I am very careful to say "if you decide to have children" instead of "when you have children".
Lastly, there are no guarantees in life. My last child was diagnosed with Type one diabetes at age 4. Ok - so this is a pretty easy affliction but it does point out that when ever you have a child (especially the older you get), you run the risk of complications. Some of them require life long care. Don't get me wrong. I don't think that should be the deciding factor but if you are already feeling ambivalent about the care required to give a baby then I believe it is worth it to at least give it some thought.
I wish the very best to you and your husband and should you decide to go for a third then I hope you get the boy he desires and that you all feel blessed and loved.

Jodi - posted on 12/30/2014




I have an 8 year age gap between my two (now 17 and 9 years old). It hasn't been that difficult, to be honest. I did stay home after having my second (which I didn't after having my first), so because the older one was already in school, I was able to catch up on sleepless nights when my youngest napped during the day, as it was just myself and her. I made sure I spent some after school time with my son each day, even when I had to feed my daughter, etc. She really just fit in with our schedule, rather than me fitting in with the newborn. She is still the most flexible, easygoing child you could ever have because that was just the way it had to be when she was a baby.

My son didn't miss out. He has never felt he missed out. If anything having his younger sister has enriched his life in a way it would not have if there was a much smaller age gap. They get along well, and he loves to be her mentor and role model.

I also have a free babysitter now :P He does that in exchange for all the things we do for him in return!!! But think of that advantage in a few years!!

Michelle - posted on 12/30/2014




I had a 6 year age gap between 2 and 3 and 8 years between 1 and 3. It is hard going back to the sleepless nights, neverending washing and the whole newborn/baby stage but I have enjoyed my 3rd so much more. I had my boys in my 20's and left my ex husband when my 2nd was 1 so I had to work to be able to support us and I missed out on a lot.
I had my 3rd at 35 and we were a lot established and I took 18 months off to be a SAHM with her. I loved being able to help out at the school as well as seeing her grow up a bit before I went back to work. Even when I did go back I only worked part time for a year before going full time. She is now going to be in school full time next year and my oldest in high school (13). Having older siblings has been an advantage for the youngest as well and my boys absolutely love her.
You'll find that the baby will have to fit into your routine with the older kids instead of when you have your first and you do everything around the child's routine but they cope very well.


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Carrie - posted on 12/29/2014




I an 41 and have a 16yr old and a 6 yr old. I feel that my teenager doesn't get the attention that she needs due to the time and attention her sister needs. We have lost the closeness that we had. Be careful regarding the older children. It's been difficult must say.

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