he spends to much time with ex baby mama

Caroline - posted on 01/18/2013 ( 1 mom has responded )




hi need some advice from other mums.my boyfriend and i have been seeing each other for 3 months we get on great he has 2 small children with his ex which i have no problem with that i love the fact he is a great dad and wants to be part of there life i do not get involved that side . My issues is the amount of time he spends with the ex. he sees hes kids but in order to he goes to the ex house to see them you prob thinking whats the problem in fact i would think the same thing but he goes there and spends the night there sometimes it could end up being up to 4 nights there of course i am not happy with this what woman would ,he has a room only and says its hard to bring to small kids there and easier to see them there as they have there own beds there and the reason he stays is his daughter asks him to She is nearly 5 . its great they have such a lovely bond but surely he could stay with her till she falls a sleep then go home to his room.when he does come and see after spending nights there and i question him if he had sleep there he gets angry with me saying his kids mean the world to him and if she wants him to sleep he will (the daughter) . anyways he was worried to tell his ex he had a new girlfriend as he did not want to upset her incase she stopped him seeing the kids but he did end up telling her which she did not take well but still let him stay over. Now she tells him she still loves him and wants him back he tells me he does not want her but then goes stays with her for days. then he will come over mine . Am i just making a fool of myself and should just end it now . prime example he had 2 days off work and he told me it was his ex birthday and was going round there to look after the kids but did i want to see him the next day as she may want to go out then i said be nice to see my boyfriend but its up to you to decide anyways no he did not come round or the next even though i did text him i was going to be in if he wanted to come over . He prob turn up tomorrow and think everything ok and then get upset if i say anything to him. I also work with this guy to was on same shifts but now different ones thank god . Do you think this right or am i over reacting . be nice to hear your views and options


Puliti - posted on 01/18/2013




Honestly, this one is a toughie.

On one hand, the two of you have only been together for 3 months and unfortunately, things get quite messy when you are in a situation with a man that already has kids and a bio mom. Do you know if this is always how it has been? Have you talked to him about a future for the two of you? Do you see a future with this man? Have you met his children yet? Does he have or consider trying for joint custody? Has he given you any reason to believe he is doing anything besides what he says he is? Either way it sounds like there are questions you need to ask and things the two of you need to sit down and discuss.

Quite honestly you have to decide whether or not you can deal with things being this way for the time being or not. It is much too early in your relationship for you to decide whether or not he's spending too much time with his ex or not quite frankly. You are new to his life and therefore have to understand that he has things that have been in place before you came into the picture. Make up your mind about whether you want to continue this or not while it is still early. While I'm not approving or disapproving of the situation, it is too early to try and dictate what he should be doing, especially without that important conversation first. If he's not willing to be flexible, understanding to your feelings or plan something different in the future, beware.

And just so you know, I went through this situation with my now husband so I completely understand and sympathize with your feelings. Just have a deep talk with him about these things and see how you feel about his response. Good luck and I hope this helps!

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