Help, asking your husband to stop smoking, tackfully.

Candice - posted on 01/23/2009

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Rebecca - posted on 04/10/2009

I do not want to be ugly but my husband had smoked since he was 15 yrs old and kept smoking through having his other 2 kids but I told hime that after our child was born he could quit smoking or he could not hld her until he took a shower after every cigeratte so he tried the patches and had a reaction and he has been stopped since the day she was born.  I did not want my child to smell like smoke.  

Melissa - posted on 01/23/2009

OK PEOPLE WAKE UP... stop the crap about he's his own person blah blah... if it was porn, drugs, etc would you react the same way? Good Grief. HE IS NOT HIS OWN PERSON! When you are married/coupled and have family it's time to grow up and stop being selfish!!!!

RESEARCH 3rd hand smoke and show him that eventhough he's not doing it around you the chemicals left on him, his clothes, etc are still harmful to you and your little one. good luck.

Mel - posted on 01/22/2009

I know how you both feel....my husband smokes too, and he has tried and tried, cold turkey, nicotine patches, prescriptions from the doctor....every method you can think of, and still smokes. I am an ex-smoker (went cold turkey 8 years ago, and haven't touched one since), so I understand how very, very hard it is to quit. The first few years, I still used to get cravings, but was able to resist. My mum has done the same as your husband, she quit for years, and then when a family disaster struck, she took it up again. For my studies at university I have held the lungs of (deceased!) smokers and non-smokers, and the difference really is scary. I have even tried explaining this to my husband, to no avail! I know before I quit that I had tried unsuccessfully many times, and the only reason I WAS successful was because I became unexpectedly pregnant, and had a very good reason to quit. I really don't have an answer to this question....I have tried the supportive wife, the nagging wife, the cold hard facts wife....none of it has worked. All I know was that when I smoked, I was very resentful of people telling me I should quit, and it probably had the opposite effect to what they were trying for. If anyone does have an answer, we would all love to hear it, and you could probably get very rich! Wouldn't it be nice if smoking wasn't so addictive, and they could all quit?

Belinda - posted on 01/23/2009

I am not a smoker and don't like it much but it is his choice and you can not really stop him. You have to decide if he is worth more to you than you dislike of smoking.



This is something he is respecting you by and not doing it around you and your child. I personally think you need to do the same by letting him be his own person and do what he chooses to do. On the other hand I think you should talk about it once, lay it all out and ask him why and then never talk about it again unless he brings it up.



My friend quit by stopping for a full day once a week then when a month goes by add a further day after two weeks another and so on...

Ellen - posted on 04/05/2009

Post a reply!

Connie - posted on 01/23/2009

I would let him know how much you care about him by giving him encouragement and verbal affirmation. Then, after a few weeks, you could tell him how it really worries you that he is smoking again and how much you and your daughter need and want him to be healthy.

Amie - posted on 01/23/2009

I have tried telling him that if he doesn't quit then he must not love us enough, but I know that's just not true. Cigarrettes are very addictive. He knows all the effects; most people do. It's really hard for non-smokers to understand. I used to smoke, and it's even hard for me to understand! Quiting was hard, but like Mel, I had a good reason. I still smoke on the rare occasion, but never go back to it. It's easy for me to just not smoke, so like I said, I don't understand why it's so hard for him to quit. I think it has a lot to do with the fact that he just plain enjoys it. To me, it tastes gross and makes me feel sick. Even after I have one because I had a craving , I think to myself, "what the hell was the point of that?" Maybe that's why it's easy for me to just not do it again. If it made everyone feel like crap, no one would smoke! Melissa said that it's selfish for fathers and husbands to smoke and that they should grow up. I really wish it was that simple. It's definitely not the same as porn or drugs. Men addicted to porn tend to cheat as well, and drugs alter your brain and are illegal. These things are much worse when it has to do with relationships. They aren't as bad for your health maybe, but would cause more problems in the family for sure. I know my husband loves me and our children more than anything, so I doubt he smokes just to spite us. I've tried everything too, and like I said in my first post, they just need our love and support and encouragement. Trying to change them by threatening them or making them feel guilty only makes the situation worse. Trust me, I've tried. And what if he does suddenly die and the whole time you were together all you did was fight about the smoking? Wouldn't you feel awful? We need to enjoy the time we have with them, especially because it may not be as long as it would if he were a non-smoker.

Crystal - posted on 01/23/2009

Maybe you should make him take a class about the effects of smoke. . . my husband smokes too and I hate it!!! Maybe if he were to see that if does effect him and everyone around him he will stop . . . smoke does reamain on your clothing and hair/skin. By smoking even if not around the family he is still subjecting you to second hand smoke which will possibly cause allergies/asthma and many other possible side effects. Best of luck . . . . I don't really know a good answer execpt he has to know it is bad to smoke if he quit before. Explain your worries and why you feel the way you do. . . tell him if he respects you and cares about the kids then he would quit!!

Betsy - posted on 01/23/2009

Thank you all. He is under stress, he doesn't handle stres well either. I read somewhere that even though he isn't smoking around us, the smoke is still on his skin/clothes/hair and that by being around that my daughter is twice as likely to start smoking later in life. That bothers me. And since the smoke taste grosses me out, you can image how our relationship is suffering. I am weighing our relationship against the smoking and I hate to say that. There are other factors, but this definately isn't helping. Thank you all again for your thoughts and ideas and for sharing.

User - posted on 01/23/2009

Good Luck to you all. I lost my stepfather to lung cancer one month ago from smoking. They should show you more pictures of the long term effects of smoking. It is not pretty and very painful. My heart goes out to you all and prayers.

User - posted on 01/23/2009

I don't have this problem, but I dated a guy who smoked. I told him I wouldn't kiss him after he smoked because I didn't like the smoke on his breath. Guess what? He only smoked around me once, and never tried to kiss me with smoke on his breath.

Stacey-Marie - posted on 01/23/2009

As long as he is smoking outside then there is not really much you can do but explain your worries - you can't really change a person because it grosses you out. He stopped before and he will again in his own time, so be patient and try to understand why he is smoking again.

Amie - posted on 01/22/2009

Wow. That's really unfortunate that he started back up after doing so well. Usually people start smoking again because they're stressed out. I know it's soooo hard not to nag about it. (I do it a lot). I've tried making my husband feel guilty too. I don't think that has helped either. I think just having a good relationship with good communication might help. If he is stressed out about something, it may help to talk about it. If not with you, with a friend or a professional. One time my husband and I had a really good conversation about it and he started to try and quit. I just tried to talk to him seriously about it and how the kids and I (and the rest of his family) would be devastated if he ended up dying from it. It's hard for them to see the long term affects of smoking, since it doesn't affect them right now. I really think they enjoy it; I don't understand how though! Smokers have to quit for themselves and when they are ready. I've often asked him if he pictures himself smoking for the rest of his life, and he says "no". So I guess that's good. I find he does much better and cares more if I'm sensitive toward his need to smoke rather than show him I'm annoyed with it. I know that can be very difficult, and I, for one, am not good at being nice about it! I wish you all the best. Let's hope they both quit! Wouldn't that be great!