HELP....My step-son is out of control

Amy - posted on 12/15/2014 ( 1 mom has responded )




My husband has boy/girl twins. His daughter lives with her mother and his son lives with us.

Several years ago my husband’s Ex was with a man that was cruel and verbally abusive to both of the children. His son, Nathaniel, moved in with us but his daughter, Rebecca, wanted to stay with her mother which was ok because she ended her relationship with this abusive man. Fast forward to a few years later his Ex meets another man, moves in and marries him with a year. This new man isn’t much better than the last. The new husband is a heavy drinker and actually fired several shots in the home while everyone was sleeping. Police were called and he was arrested and has been made to attend counseling and an alcoholic program and after 8 months of rehab my husband’s Ex is now claiming her husband has turned his life around and is a perfect person now so she has decided she wants her son to move back in with her.

Nathaniel went to visit his mother over Thanksgiving break. Nathaniel has been grounded from his cell phone, computer and Xbox because he hasn’t been completing and turning in his school work. Education is #1 priority in our home and I know kids will struggle but just not doing your homework and classwork is no excuse. Nathaniel was flying so we gave him his phone for the trip but explained to him that when he returned he has to give back his phone back until all of his missing assignments were completed. When he got back from his trip to his mother’s his attitude had completely changed. He now has the I don’t care attitude and told us he won’t be living with us much longer. About a week after he returns my husband noticed some traffic on our router from a device he didn’t recognize. He blocked that device. He then decided to check Nathaniel’s Facebook and discovered that Nathaniel had messages from his buddys on Facebook and was giving them his new cell phone number. When my husband got home that night he confronted Nathaniel. Nathaniel told him that his mother bought him a phone because Nathaniel told her that we would not allow him to call her. This was a lie because we always allow him to talk to his mother. Nathaniel refused to give his father the phone because he said that his mother was paying for it not him.

My husband then calls his Ex and told her why Nathaniel is grounded from his cell. She finally agrees to tell Nathaniel to give his father the phone. The compromise is that Nathaniel should get his phone back to use to only call his mother and his sister. So we locked down the phone with no apps and blocked all number except his mother’s, sister’s and our numbers. Nathaniel is now very upset that his apps have been removed. Since then he has been unbearable. He is rude and disrespectful so everyone in the home. I have a dog that I love to death, she’s my baby and just to upset me he will jump in the dog’s face and say “I’m going to punch you in the face”.Of course the dog has no idea what he’s saying but I know he’s doing this to upset me. Everything you say to him is an argument so it’s been so frustrating I do not speak to him at all.

Now a little history on my husband’s daughter, Rebecca, that lives with her mother. Rebecca has been in and out of trouble in school and with the law. She has been expelled from school for possession of drugs (Ex says she never smoked the weed she was just carrying it around……really), she has had her stomach pumped from drinking too much vodka. She’s on probation and is currently receiving drugs tests monthly and she has failed several.

Now my problem is that I do not want Nathaniel just to move into his mother’s house because I’m really concerned that he will follow in his sister’s footsteps. I know he wants to live with his mother because she lets them do whatever they want and they can come and go as they please. Of course a teenager will always choose to be on the easy path and no rules is very appealing. The legal problem is Nathaniel has been living with us for 7 years. However, when he first moved in with us she refused to give my husband custody through the courts.
I’m miserable in my own home because my stepson will do anything and everything to upset me. I’m mad at my husband for allowing this. I’m livid with my husband’s Ex for not being a decent mother.


Dove - posted on 12/15/2014




If your husband does not have a court order for custody... he needs to take his evidence to court and get one. Both of these children should probably be out of her home and in some serious counseling... but really all you can do is encourage your husband to help his kids and support him in that if he'll do it.

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