HElP with over controlling inlaws with Step Daughter

Kristen - posted on 07/13/2016 ( 2 moms have responded )




Me and my husband got married when his daughter was 4, she is now 8.He is 30 and I am 25. We have a 2 year old together. His daughter was the only grandkid for 5 years and was his parent (my inlaws) Pride and Joy as you could say. My husband and his ex split when his daughter was 2. My husband got her every other weekend and would stay at his parents house the weekend he had her until we got married and bought a house. So they pretty much was in control of his daughter when he had her until we got married. Her mom moved to a different state 2 years ago, (16 hours away) so now he gets her during every school break including all summer long (9 weeks). My husband works for a power company and some times works 70 hours a week. So I take care of our 2 year old and his daughter most of the time. I work a 9-5 job and my mother-in-law keeps the girls half day when they get out of a camp til I get off work. (which we pay her 100 a week for her to keep my daughter but was told my Step daughter didn't count that we didn't have to pay her to keep her) I feel like they think that they are her parents and they think we don't know how to raise her, when we are way better off than they have ever been and we make sure are kids have everything they need. They do not act like that with my 2 year old only with her. example: A Friend of ours called and asked me if my step daughter wanted to go to a church event with her daughter, I asked my SD and she said yes so the next day I dropped her off at the church event and my friend brought her back home. Well when I told my mother in-law she had went she sure she didn't want to go. My response was if she didn't want to go I would not of MADE her go. Example 2 : This is what really got me... My step daughters mom wanted her to go to tutoring this summer twice a week, so the other day was her first day. I got to gym on Tuesdays and Thursday for 45 min im out by 6:30. So I asked my in laws if the could drop her off at 6:00 and meet me in town with my youngest daughter and then I would pick my step Daughter up at 7:00. My husband was working. They told me that they could drop off my Step daughter but they had plans and couldn't meet me with my I got my mom to pick my daughter up before they took my step daughter to tutoring. WELL.. it was 5 min before 7 and I pull up to pick her up and there are my in laws.. so I walked to there car and asked what they was going and the said oh we just wanted to make sure you would get here to pick her up so we just waited around in town and then said well you are here now I guess we can go... like they thought I was not capable of picking her up.. I treat her like my own when she is here and do a lot more than most step moms would do. I put her in dance classes in the summer and I make sure that we have something fun planed every weekend. I just don't understand. Im just at the point to where I don't want to have anything to do with them or for them to even watch my kids.


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Red - posted on 07/15/2016




I've been there! I remember the deep hurt I felt when my in-laws worshiped the ground my step daughter walked on and hardly acknowledged our son. (More similarities: my husband also worked at a power company on rotating shifts! ) They believed lies my step-daughter told them...I could go on and on! She was 3 when they divorced and my husband had lived with them until we married so were the main caretaker until then. This is how I eventually came to view the situation. They had the step daughter from a very early age and felt the huge need she had for them after the divorce and simply could not trust her to anyone else. It wasn't me! Our son didn't need them -- at least in their eyes-- he had us both. It also came from their feelings of guilt and sorrow for the poor little girl...My step daughter was the loser...they are gone now and their interference meant she and I (and even her father) developed very little attachment (which has improved in recent years.) As much as possible, take the high road and remind yourself it is THEM not YOU! Talking with your husband might help -- might even read him this as a starter. Blessings and prayers for you, sweet mama.

Dove - posted on 07/13/2016




The problem is less w/ the in-laws and more w/ the fact that your husband has let this go on instead of putting a stop to the behavior years ago.

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