help with too much attitude??

Mellody - posted on 01/17/2012 ( 2 moms have responded )




Help!! what to do when children refuse to listen/ do as they are asked, be polite/ show respect, etc.

my little girl just turned 3. Her attitude is unbelievable. Avery has always seemed to have a little bit of attitude,but lately she has been rude to everyone and seems to be focusing the bulk of it on her daddy.

she doesnt want to listen and says so outright. she will refuse to do things she would normally do without an argument, like brushing teeth & eating meals, refusal or fights to get dressed.etc.

Its getting to a point where we cant ask her simple questions without her getting upset. My husband will say 'good morning, sweetie' and she says 'NO!', or ignores him. most times she has less attitude with me, but only on the days when i'm not "the bad guy" as well/often. she's good for the day if left to her own devices, but when asked to do something, or told not to do something, and doesnt want to, she usually gets rude, or ignores us. we have tried many things in getting her to listen, but usually they only work for short time and then seem to lose effect.

When we started to take her toys away when bad, then give them back as reward for good behavior it seemed to work really well. She seemed to be more affected by loosing her things then any other method we had tried, but just the other day we asked her before taking away her toy 'do you want us to take away your toys?' she said 'take em!' we try time outs but she fights it, stiffens up, or lashes about, screams untill shes red and coughing ( and somtimes drooling)

Basically her attitude is going from what seemed average for a 2 1/2 - 3 yr old, to completly defiant. I have noticed it has gotten worse since i have gone back to work, i think the major issue is that she misses me and doesnt get 1-on-1 time with me like she use to. but i know i cant alow this to stop me from working. we are thinking/ hoping things will get better once she is in daycare (more interaction/ stimulation then with just a babysitter) but are currently still looking.

We love our little girl so much & it hurts to have her push us away. I just want to have my happy girl back. Has anyone delt with this similar situation? what did/ would you do?


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Mellody - posted on 01/17/2012




thank you Sarah. we have also let our daughter see us throw away her toys. (or so she thinks) and then keep them in our closet. it broke my heart the 1st time we did it, though it seemed to work. but even that has lots its effect on her. she still doesnt like it but is, unfortunatly, over it very quickly. (right now she has nothing in her room that isnt educational. we agreed to not take away anything that will help development)

I agree that we need more one on one time. when we get time together her general attitude improves. but when we have short time together she usually gets upset when i have to leave, then she becomes "rude" again and its back to square 1. i think it is going to be a long, hard, up hill battle lol.

we actually got a half-day together as a family today and she was amazing. none of the usual problems. it was so nice. i think she just really misses us. We (my husband and I) work together so when we work we are both gone at the same time. i think it is taking a bigger toll on her than we thought it would. Perhaps, and i was afraid of this, its too much for her to lose the both of us at once.

maybe we need to make one on one time with the both of us seperatly in addition to time together as a family.

Sarah - posted on 01/17/2012




We do time outs, we also take toys away. I have made my son watch me throw them in the garbage even. We explain that you can't talk to people that way if he does and that that behaviour will be punished. I would keep on with what your doing for punishment, but maybe add in a time out. Also, if it is worse since you returned to work, maybe you can schedule some special mommy-daughter time with her every day (even if it's only for 15 minutes) so that she can have that time to look forward to. Good luck!

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