How can i get my hubby to understand he has to discipline better.

Marylen - posted on 05/13/2016 ( 3 moms have responded )




so, i'm having a serious problem at home with my son ian "i dont like to use stepson" but my boyfriends son. he is a good kid overall a little hard to talk to and get him to understand why it is important he follow rules. i have 4 of my own, all my kids folow the rules but he's the only one who thinks since his dad don't tell him anything that he doesn't have to follow the rules now that being said i care alot about my boyfriend but he gets on my nerves he doesn't want to tell his what to do ex: take showers, do homework, clean up after dinner etc. he is very easy with him the school sends letters home that ian doesn't listen in class, he's very disruptive, plays in class with his toys things of that nature. yet he doesn't tell him to do better at all, so my question is do i give up and say nothing or do i keep trying to get him to understand that he has to be more aware of ian's behavior. i've been with my boyfriend almost 2years and ian lives with us fulltime, his mother doesn't look for him as she should, i would go as far as to say that she really doesn't care for him, so here i am i try my best to be his mom but i feel bad because i do everything for him but i can't discipline him which for me is not fair because i belive he truly needs someone to guide him but everytime i do i get looked at like the bad person. someone please help me understand how this works.


♫ Shawnn ♪♫♫ - posted on 05/13/2016




First, are you married or not? You refer to him as both your husband and your boyfriend. These are two totally different relationship phases.

Second, when have you tried to address this with him? Did you, prior to joining households, sit down and work out a plan for chores, responsibilities, and discipline matters? Doesn’t sound like it, so you brought this situation on by not addressing things at the beginning of the merge.

Third, you parent YOUR kids, he parents his. Again, this should have been addressed at the outset, if this has disturbed you to this extent. How old is the kid in question? Why should his father have to remind him to shower, do homework, etc? If he’s over the age of 10, this should already be a pattern for him, and if it isn’t it was up to his parents to take care of that. If Dad doesn’t want to address it…not much you can do.

Really, your options at this point are to try to force your partner to be a responsible parent. You haven’t succeeded thus far, so if I were you (well…I wouldn’t have put myself into that spot, but…) I’d figure that I’ve got my “sign” of how things are going to be…and I’d end it.


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Ev - posted on 05/13/2016




I have to agree with the other ladies because you do not have any legal standing where it comes to his child. If you can not get the man to listen to you then you are pretty much stuck with things as they are.

Dove - posted on 05/13/2016




If you are not married... he technically isn't your stepson. The two of you should have sat down together and discussed the rules and consequences for all of the kids prior to combining your homes. Since that didn't happen... Shawnn is right about your options.

This situation as is is not fair to any of the kids.

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