How can i stop my 4 year old from throwing things out of anger?

[deleted account] ( 2 moms have responded )

Hello Moms. I have a deaf 4 year old daughter who always throws things when i discipline her.... Is this normal? And how can i help her to exert her anger in a more manageable manner?


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K - posted on 11/11/2014




My own son is having anger issues right now, & he's nine, so maybe I'm not the person to give advice...

But he's done similar things. He's occasionally thrown huge fits where he throws stuff, even hits me. Luckily, your daughter is only four, & I think it's maybe more normal at that age!!

I think it's important to try to stay calm yourself, if you can. And yes, as the other poster wrote, try to take preventive measures by maybe moving her to a space where she has less access to things to throw.

With my own son, I think it's that he feels frustrated about a lot of different things, but can't express them. I feel like there's a power struggle between us. I'm trying to learn to sidestep some of these battles by conceding ground on certain things that maybe I was being too strict about. Also, I think it's important to try to spend positive time with her as well, so it's not always about you controlling her behavior or teaching her things

With my own son, I have to say to myself sometimes that there is no magic bullet or solution that's going to suddenly turn him into an angel. I just have to try to be consistent, try to stay calm, & keep at it.

I can't speak to the hearing issues. I guess that may or may not be a contributing factor. Do you have difficulty communicating with her?

I've heard some fascinating stuff about hearing impaired people, about what an amazing language they have (sign language, I mean). I saw a movie once called "The Sound & the Fury" about a deaf family considering whether or not to give their daughter, who was I think preschool age, a cochlear implant. I remember I was so charmed by the little girl in this film...I thought she had such a moxie about her. I've also heard that deaf people tend to be more blunt & sometimes assertive in their responses to people because they don't have the same kind of access to all the nuances particular to spoken language. I hope I'm not out of line, bringing that up...but I just wonder if that's at all relevant..??
It's just something that came to mind.

Raye - posted on 11/11/2014




It is not out of the ordinary for kids to act out by throwing things. However, a child with hearing can pick up on more meaning behind your words because of the tone of your voice, and may be quicker to understand what is expected of them. It is often more difficult with a deaf child, because it's harder to explain how to behave properly. It's like if someone only spoke to you in short text messages, you might not always know how to interpret the words because you can't hear the tone in which it was said. You just have to keep letting her know that throwing is not allowed. Maybe part of the discipline can be taking her to her room or wherever she would have less access to things she could throw.

My grandmother fostered a boy (3 y/o, I think) that was both deaf and blind. Talk about difficulties in communication, she was challenged, to say the least. It takes patience and being consistent with whatever method you use to get through to them.

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